This article was co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.
There are 21 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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It’s time to talk about the elephant in the room: porn. Plenty of people engage with it on a regular basis, yet pornography has become such a taboo topic that it’s hard to find any educational content on the subject. Not to worry—we’re here to help. Read on to learn how you (and your partner) can take a leap into the world of adult entertainment, and how to keep your devices protected in the process. Not totally sure if porn is for you? We’ve outlined some of the pros and cons of watching adult content, so you can make an informed decision for yourself.
Disclaimer: This content is meant for adults only, and is not meant for minors. In the United States, pornography is not allowed to be watched by or distributed to children under the age of 16.[1]
Things You Should Know
- Jot down the fantasies you do and don’t like, so it’s easier to narrow down the types of adult content you do and don’t want to watch.
- Use paid subscription services to watch pornography, since it’s more likely to be produced ethically (with fair payment and treatment of the actors).
- Chat with your partner and see if they’d be interested in watching porn with you. As you watch, touch base with them and make sure that they’re feeling comfortable.
Steps
How to Watch Porn
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Make a list of adult content that you are (and aren’t) interested in. Think about the sorts of fantasies and kinks that really turn you on, as well as the ones that turn you off. Do you like scenarios that involve roleplay, or do you like situations where one partner takes control?[2] Understanding your sexual interests and fantasies can make it a lot easier to narrow down the type of porn you’d like to watch.
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Watch ethical porn to test things out. Scope out different ethical porn sites—these are content platforms that produce adult content where the actors are treated and paid fairly.[3] Try subscribing to one channel or platform at a time, so you can save a little money in the long run.
- Aortafilms, Dreams of Spanking, and CHEEX are great sites to try out if you aren’t sure where to start.
- Watching porn ethically almost always involves paying for it—but this is a worthwhile investment since you’re giving money back to platforms that respect their content and treat their performers well.
- Did You Know? Pornhub is one of the biggest names in the adult entertainment industry known for its wealth of free content—but it isn’t the best platform to patronize. Over the years, Pornhub has gone under fire for inadvertently platforming unethical pornography, like sexual assault.[4]
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Try to masturbate while watching to maximize your experience. At the end of the day, pornography is all about helping you achieve arousal and pleasure—and what better way to achieve that than with a little masturbation? Play around with different techniques to help you reach an orgasm as you watch. Feel free to incorporate lube and different sex toys into your experience, too!
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Analyze what you like and don’t like about the programs you watch. Not all types of porn are for everyone, and that’s okay! If a particular subscription service is really plucking your strings, keep exploring new content there; if it’s not really doing anything for you, cancel your current subscription and switch to a new one.
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Support individual adult content creators if you like their work. Platforms like OnlyFans give users the opportunity to unlock content from specific adult creators. If there’s a content creator out there that you really want to support, subscribe to them directly on the platform. Other sites to check out include:
- FanCentro
- ManyVids
- Loyalfans
- Ismygirl[5]
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Relax and have fun. Watching porn is all about creating an arousing experience for yourself and figuring out which types of media bring you the most pleasure. Above all, treat your porn-watching session as an opportunity to learn more about your body and what makes you feel good.
- There’s never any pressure to reach orgasm when you’re watching porn, so feel free to explore!
How to Watch Porn with Your Partner
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Open up a conversation about porn when you aren’t being intimate. Try to bring the topic up casually, like mentioning a video you watched or an article you skimmed. Use the conversation to gauge how your partner feels about watching porn together—do they seem down to give it a try, or not? Are there any reservations they have? Treat the conversation as an opportunity to have an open-minded and supportive chat about your sexual interests.[6]
- Opening up a conversation about your own personal sex life, fantasies, and desires not only strengthens your communication but can also open up a whole new world of intimacy with your partner.
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Compare your sexual interests as a starting point. Instead of just jumping into a random adult video, take some time to see what types of fantasies and desires you both have in common, as well as the interests and fantasies you don’t share. Make your conversation as judgment-free as possible—the better you both understand each other’s interests, the easier of a time you’ll have identifying what you both have in common.[7]
- It might help to make a list of “likes” and “dislikes” first. From there, see if any of your “likes” overlap.
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Create a romantic atmosphere to enjoy together. Try dimming the lights, lighting some candles, and putting away any distracting clutter. Some people even like to play romantic music when enjoying pornography. Make sure that you have privacy by locking the door, closing the blinds, and double-checking to see if anyone else is home. You might also want to check your phone to see if there are any calls or texts you need to immediately attend to.
- Choose a suitable time to watch porn with your partner—nighttime is often ideal since there’s less of a chance that your friends will visit or that you’ll receive a call. It’s also a good idea to pick a time when your partner isn’t tired or stressed out.
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Start with a basic porn program and see where things go from there. Maybe you can’t settle on a specific fantasy or interest—that’s totally fine! Search for a video that doesn’t involve any particular fantasies or kinks, and use that as a starting point. To make things easier, queue up several videos ahead of time in case you and/or your partner aren’t really vibing with some of them.[8]
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Get intimate with your partner if the situation seems right. Porn is meant to be arousing, so it’s understandable if you’re looking to up the ante with your partner. Do a quick vibe check to see if your partner is also in the mood before you get things going, though.[9]
- Your partner may not be in the mood right away, and that’s okay! If they seem to give low-energy, half-hearted responses to your suggestions, it’s time to take a step back.[10]
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Touch base with your partner frequently and see how they’re feeling. Sure, porn doesn’t carry the same plot as a traditional movie—but the intimate scenes can still have a really profound impact on your partner. Gently check in with them throughout (and even after) your video-watching session to make sure that they’re feeling comfortable and in a good headspace.[11]
- Quick questions like “Are you doing okay?” or “How are you feeling?” can go a long way when you’re watching porn together.
Quiz Pack: We’ve handpicked these quizzes just for you.
Expert Q&A
Tips
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Porn is a great way to get turned on, but it’s not meant to be a crash course in sex education.[21] If you’re hoping to learn more about what sex is and how it works, check out helpful resources like Planned Parenthood, AMAZE, Tabu, Afrosexology, genderqueer.me, and SIECUS.Thanks
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Not sure if adult videos are your cup of tea? Give other types of porn a try, like erotic fiction or erotic audiobooks.[22]Thanks
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There are ways to get help if you’re struggling with porn addiction, like joining a 12-step program.Thanks
Warnings
- Be extremely careful and mindful of where you watch porn, especially on low-quality sites—malware and phishing schemes are more common than you may think.[23]Thanks
- Never watch porn in public spaces, even if you think you’re alone. In many places, watching adult content publicly can land you with some type of obscenity charge.[24]Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/obscenity
- ↑ https://welldoing.org/article/understanding-desire-sexual-fantasies-an-introduction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/minority-report/202001/sexual-fantasies-during-sex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/finding-new-home/202105/new-research-8-common-reasons-people-use-porn
- ↑ https://ethics.org.au/our-desire-for-reality-what-onlyfans-says-about-sexual-fantasy/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/myths-desire/202012/how-watching-porn-alone-or-together-affects-relationships
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2016/12/10/504959240/porn-sex-and-marriage-whats-ok-and-what-isnt
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://www.relationships.org.au/document/intimacy-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/sexual-boundaries-how-to-spot-sexual-coercion
- ↑ https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/intimacy/
- ↑ https://allaboutcookies.org/how-to-setup-vpn
- ↑ https://allaboutcookies.org/how-to-setup-vpn
- ↑ https://www1.udel.edu/security/bestpractices/avs.html
- ↑ https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/why-do-people-watch-porn
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343330330_Why_do_people_watch_pornography_The_motivational_basis_of_pornography_use
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/intimacy-definition-types-tips
- ↑ https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/talking-about-sex/
- ↑ https://counseling.utdallas.edu/resources/pornography-addiction/
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://youngwomenshealth.org/askus/watching_porn/
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion/
- ↑ https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/why-do-people-watch-porn
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2011/04/25/135707937/pornography-is-protected-speech-at-new-york-public-libraries
About This Article
Porn can be a safe, fun way to explore your sexuality, and you can do it right from the comfort of your own home. First, close your blinds, lock the door, and make sure you won’t be interrupted. You can watch porn at any time, but you’ll probably have the most privacy late at night. You can also set the mood by dimming the lights, playing some music, and lighting some candles. Search online on your computer or phone. A lot of porn is free and you can find videos to suit any appetite. Don’t be afraid to explore different things until you find something you like. For more tips, including how to discuss porn with your partner, read on!
Reader Success Stories
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"This is wonderful advice. There has been so much negative propaganda associated with erotica and adult entertainment that it is quite refreshing to see such a sex-positive counterpoint. The endless choices offered online today cater to every taste!"..." more