How to Find Out if a Good Friend Is Crushing on You

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey and Amy Bobinger, BA

Last Updated: November 21, 2024 Approved

It’s hard enough to tell when a random person has a crush on you, but it can be even trickier when it’s a close friend. Close friends tend to be very comfortable with each other, and they may act in ways that can seem flirtatious. If you are wondering if a friend has a crush on you, pay attention to their body language and how they talk to you, or work up the courage and just ask!

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Joshua Pompey, founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking. Check out the full interview here.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Watching Their Body Language

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1
Pay attention to their posture when you’re around.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} If your friend is crushing on you, their body language will probably be more open, and they will usually stand with their body turned towards yours, even in a group.^{[2]
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- If your friend has a relaxed posture, with their torso facing towards you, it’s a sign that they feel at ease. It may mean they like you or it may just mean they are comfortable being around you.
- Watch for signs that your friend's posture has changed around you. For instance, if they normally act relaxed, but now they seem stiff, it may be a sign that they are nervous because they have a crush on you.
- If your friend usually has their arms crossed or they stand with their body turned away from you any time you're around, they may not be crushing on you. However, if they only act closed off every once in awhile, it might mean they are talking to someone else or are busy.
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See if they make a lot of eye contact with you.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Eye contact is one of the most universal methods of flirting. If you’re hanging out with your friend and you notice they’re looking into your eyes, it may be a sign that they’re interested in you.^{[4]
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- Some eye contact is natural during a conversation, so pay attention to whether your friend makes more eye contact with you than with other people.
- If your friend smiles at you before they break eye contact, it may be a sign that they're interested.^{[5]
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  Joshua Pompey
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} If you want to show your friend that you like them, too, smile back!^{[6]
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- If you notice that your friend is suddenly making more eye contact than usual, or out of the blue they won't meet your gaze, it may be a sign that they've started to see you as a romantic interest.
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If a person is crushing on you, they’ll often play with their hair, touch their lips, or rest their fingertips on their collarbone. This is usually a subconscious gesture that indicates attraction.^{[7]
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If your friend usually shows up in sweatpants and an old t-shirt every time you hang out, but suddenly starts dressing like they’re ready for a night out when you’re around, it might be a sign that they want to look better in order to impress you.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
When a person has a crush, they often subconsciously mirror the other person's behavior. If you notice that your friend touches their face or crosses their legs whenever you do, it could be a signal that they are especially tuned in to whatever you are doing.^{[9]
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Notice if your friend gives you longer hugs than usual. If you and your friend regularly give each other hugs, you should be able to tell if they’re lingering with their arms around you longer than they normally do. This is a good sign that they have a crush on you.^{[10]
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- If you and your friend don’t normally hug and they start hugging you, this may also be a sign they like you.
- People sometimes feel awkward when they realize they like someone. If your friend usually hugs you but suddenly stops hugging you, this might actually be a sign they have a crush on you, too.
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Pay attention to how often your friend touches you. The more you like someone, the more often you’ll find excuses to touch them.^{[11]
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Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.} If you notice that your friend constantly finds reasons to touch you, they probably like you.^{[12]
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- Your friend might compliment the softness of your sweater, for instance, while touching your arm.
- If your friend suddenly becomes very physically affectionate, it could mean they like you. On the other hand, if the two of you touch each other often and your friend suddenly stops, they may be self-conscious because they like you.
- Some people are just naturally affectionate. If your friend frequently touches anyone they’re talking to, it may not mean anything when they do it to you.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Listening for Clues in Conversation

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1
Notice how often your friend laughs at your jokes. You’re probably hilarious, so it might not mean anything when your friend laughs at your best jokes. But if someone laughs at every joke you tell, even the ones you know aren’t that great, it might mean that they’re into you.^{[13]
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- If you want to test the water on this one, try telling a joke that you know is corny, then watch to see whether your friend laughs.
2
Pay attention to whether your friend gives you a lot of compliments. If your friend is crushing on you, they’re going to notice everything good about you, from the way you look to how hard you studied for your history test. If you notice them giving you way more compliments than usual, they might be into you.
- Some people are just complimentary in general, so don’t read too much into a single comment.
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Notice if your friend remembers little details about you. Remembering unimportant facts about you is a good indicator your friend is into you.^{[14]
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Research source} If your friend is crushing on you, they’ll be paying attention to almost everything you say.^{[15]
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Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- If you mention you love Skittles, for instance, and your friend brings it up a few weeks later, they might like you.
- Your friend might just have a good memory, so it doesn’t necessarily mean they have a crush.
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Watch to see whether your friend offers to do favors for you. It’s natural to want to be helpful, especially when you like someone. If your friend is constantly offering to do little things for you, they might be wishing they were more than just a friend.^{[16]
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- Helpful gestures don’t have to be a big deal. For instance, your friend might offer to grab you a bottle of water because you forgot to get a drink.
- If you think your friend has a crush on you, don’t take advantage of their desire to help you. This will make you seem insensitive and uncaring.
5
Pay attention if your friend brings up your love life. Your friend might bring up the subject of your last crush or try to guess who you like as a way of testing the waters. If you say you don’t like anyone in particular right now, they might feel like they have a chance with you.^{[17]
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- If your friend likes you, they might act jealous or annoyed if you are crushing on someone else, or they might get very quiet if the subject of your dating life comes up.
- Your friend will probably not mention having crushes on other people if they like you.^{[18]
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Ask someone who knows you both if you’re still not sure. Your mutual friends will probably be able to pick up on what’s going on, even if the other person hasn’t explicitly said that they like you.
- Try saying something like, "I've noticed Steph is acting a little different towards me lately. Do you think it's because she likes me?"
- While you may be able to get some good feedback from another friend, the person may not be sure, or they may not want to get involved in the situations.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1260 wikiHow readers who they go to when they need advice on a personal issue, and 62% said that they reach out to their best friend for support. [Take Poll]
- Your best friend may be able to give you insight or have picked up on things you haven't noticed!

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Moving Forward

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1
Give them the opportunity to tell you. Spend some one-on-one time with your friend in a place without a lot of other distractions. Try to act relaxed and natural so your friend will feel comfortable opening up to you.
- To bring up the conversation without seeming obvious, tell your friend how much they mean to you. Mention a few things you specifically like about them. This may make them feel encouraged enough to admit their feelings.
- If your friend tells you how much they value your friendship but doesn't say anything further, it may mean they want to remain your platonic friend.
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Ask them directly if they don’t volunteer the information. If you really want to know but they still haven’t told you, don’t be afraid to be upfront. Keep in mind that your friend will probably be caught off-guard, so let them know that they don’t have to answer right away.
- Try saying something like, “Lately I’ve been getting the feeling that you want to be more than friends. I think it will be better for our friendship if we talk about it.”
- If your friend denies liking you, try to move on from the conversation quickly. Don't make a big show out of being relieved, in case they are trying to hide their true feelings.
EXPERT TIP

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach

Expert Trick: If you're brave enough to ask the person if they like you, plan to do it at a time when one or both of you can easily escape. For instance, you might bring up the conversation after you've been hanging out for a while and you're about to leave anyway. Also, don't pressure the person to give you an answer right away—let them have some time to think about it, if they need to.
3
Don’t lead them on if you don’t like them back. If your friend admits that they like you, but you don’t feel the same way, be gentle and kind but clearly let them know that you’re not interested in dating them.^{[19]
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- Say something like, “I am so glad you told me and that’s so flattering. I’m sorry, but I don’t have the same feelings towards you. If you’d like, I hope we can stay close friends. If not, I understand.”
4
Give them space if you have to turn them down. Your friend may feel hurt by being turned down, even if you are very kind about it. Give them some time to allow their heart and their pride to recover.
- After a week or 2, try reaching out to your friend to see if they’d like to join you and a few other friends to hang out. However, it’s probably not a good idea to spend one-on-one time together for a while, to avoid your friend getting mixed signals.
5
Give dating a shot if you think you might like them back. In the best case scenario, your friend will admit they like you and you’ll discover that you share the same feelings! In this case, plan a few dates, have fun together, and tell all of your friends!
- It's natural to worry about harming the friendship if a romantic relationship doesn't work out, but keep in mind that it will be better to know for sure rather than wondering later if you missed a chance at love.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you tell if a friend likes you more than a friend?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert and Founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking (NEM) based in New York City, NY. With over 15 years in the industry, Joshua helps his clients navigate online dating and has a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

See if they ask personal questions that show genuine interest. Some people will just robotically ask you personal questions and don't really care, while others will go really deep and ask personal questions that are meaningful, and this usually indicates a romantic interest.

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Question

How do you deal with a friend who has a crush on you?

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Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

That depends on how you feel about them. If you’re not interested in having a romantic relationship with them, gently let them know that you’re not ready to take that step with them. Say something like, “I’m flattered, and I really value our friendship, but I’m afraid I don’t have the same feelings about you.” If they keep pushing it and don’t respect your boundaries, you might need to stay away from them for a while or end the friendship. If you like them back, let them know! Accept if they ask you out on a date, or take the first move and ask them yourself.

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Question

How can I get out of the friend zone?

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This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

All you can do is be honest with your friend about how you feel. It’s possible that they don’t even realize you have romantic feelings for them, and you’ll never know if they feel the same way unless one of you speaks up. If they’re not interested in a romantic relationship, respect their wishes and don’t try to push them into anything they don’t want—that’s not fair to either one of you!

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