How to Get Him to Make a Move

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: May 4, 2023 References

Getting a guy to make the first move can be difficult. You can like him all you want, but you can’t force him to do anything. You know you like him, and he may like you. If you’re feeling shy, or just want him to be old-fashioned and pursue you, try a few subtle approaches to increase your chances of getting asked out.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Getting on His Radar

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1
Plan "chance" meetings. Think about what he likes and dislikes and where he spends his time. Without going overboard, try to arrange a meeting that seems like a random coincidence. Show interest in the things that he's interested in, and he may take notice.^{[1]
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- For example, if you know he likes to rock climb, plan a trip to the local climbing gym at a time he's likely to be there. You might even tell him it's your first time and see if he can help you get started. This might give you the opportunity to flirt and invites casual physical contact.
- Find out when he plans to study at the library, and what the subject is, then randomly show up at the same time with the similar material.
Having shared friends and being in his social circle increases the likelihood you’ll be spending time with one another. His friends will be the biggest sounding board for your positive qualities. He may know you, but let his friends sell him on your positive qualities and shared interests.^{[2]
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3
Engage him in conversation. He may not initiate the conversation because he is shy, or has a hard time talking to girls. Whenever you're around him, be sure his focus and attention is on you, and what you have in common. Try a few different approaches to break the ice.^{[3]
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- "Can you show me how you do the card trick you did at the party?"
- "I'm thinking about going to the mall to get a bite to eat. Care to show me your favorite food in the area?"
- "Hey, you're pretty good with computers. Can you teach me some of your skills?"
Connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram or another social media site. Like his posts. Retweet his Twitter content. Show him your similarities are so linked that he sees you as more than just a friend.^{[4]
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5
Be friendly when he's having bad days. Help him get to know you better as someone who cares about him. Be the shoulder he leans on when he needs a pick-me-up. You'll soon be the person who he thinks of as always making him happy, and it will lead to plenty of alone time.
- Make time to fit into his schedule. You may have to sacrifice some time. Listening to his issues is key.
- See if he’s having issues in any classes. Ask if he’d like to study or do classwork together.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: When Will I Get a Boyfriend?

You stare longingly at a couple who walk by, focusing on how they squeeze each other’s hands and smile at one another. Is that something you want? Is having a BF even in your future? Answer these questions about your life and past relationships, and we’ll predict when you’ll get a boyfriend. Who knows? Maybe your Prince Charming is waiting just around the corner!

1 of 12

Have you ever been in a relationship?

Of course! But I’ve totally moved on.

Maybe? I’m not sure if it counted.

Yes, quite recently.

Not a serious one, and I’m happy to keep it that way.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Letting Him Know You’re Interested

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1
Be flirtatious. Flirting helps him realize you’re interested. More importantly, it’s an invitation for him to comfortably make a move that won’t meet rejection. Help him to see the friendship could be something deeper. Generally, flirting is done via body language, gestures, posture, or verbalization.
- If you are sitting next to each other, flirt with your eyes. Look him in the eyes and smile. Keep eye contact for a bit longer than normal.
- Mimic his body movement. Lean closer when he leans in. Smile when he smiles.
- Lick your lips. If you see him looking at your lips, lick them nonchalantly. Don’t do this a lot. You want to be somewhat suggestive, not compulsive.
- When you catch him looking at you, smile a little and look down. Then look back up at him, smiling coquettishly the entire time.^{[5]
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- Play with your hair. Natural grooming movements are often performed by both sexes when trying to impress.^{[6]
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2
Break the touch barrier. Show him you’re cool with being touched gently, and you won’t flinch or back away. Allow him to touch you. Without it going beyond your physical contact comfort level, don’t push him away if he tries to get a little frisky.^{[7]
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- Hug him back. If he comes in for a hug, invite it happily, and be sure he’s the first one to let go.
- Play with his hair. When you see a strand or two out of place, reach up and gently swipe them.
- Use discretion, or it may be very off-putting.
3
Compliment him. Find reasons to say things to make him smile or feel confident. Try a few of the following options:
- Hook his arm and say, “Look how little my arm is next to yours!”
- Touch his hair and tell him, “Your hair is so cute this way.”
- ”I could stare into your baby-blues for hours.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Being More Forward

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Be obvious about your intentions. Some guys are shy or nervous about making a move. Others are just oblivious to your signals. Even shy guys will open up when they know you like them.
- Grab his hand when you’re walking next to one another.
- Ask him to help with something with which you obviously don’t need help. If it’s simple, he’ll pick up on the fact that you’re just making up a reason for him to see you.
- While in his presence say, “I wish I could find a boyfriend.”
- Tell him about a pretend dream where you two were dating.
- Do not be overly intimate before he makes a move. You want to be obvious, not desperate.
2
Ask him direct questions. If you don’t want to be the person who makes the first move, you may need to open his eyes to the fact that you’re a great catch. Ask him leading questions that will make his decision obvious to him.
- ”Do you think I’m pretty?”
- ”I’m a pretty good catch, don’t you think?”
- ”I think most guys would be lucky to have me as a girlfriend. Don’t you agree?”
3
Ease into comments about relationships and love. If you’re trying to be more direct, there is still a point you shouldn’t cross. Being pushy or aggressive could be somewhat intimidating and off-putting.^{[8]
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- Don't push him to talk about love. Guys are often hesitant to talk about it.
- Make sly comments about how you two look would look good as a couple.
- Definitely do not mention anything about marriage.
- Do not say, “I love you.” To someone who hasn’t even made the first move, this will not be received well.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Determining if You Would Make a Good Couple

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Make sure you two are compatible. Sit with him at lunch. Spend time talking to him so your friendship has some time to develop. The longer you’re friends, the more you’ll learn about him.
- Find out if you two have similar values. If you find out your values are drastically different, you may not be a good match.
- See if he’s cheated on an ex. Ask him about how previous relationships ended. A lack of trust is a guaranteed sign of relationship problems.^{[9]
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2
Be true to yourself. Show him the person you really are. There’s no point connecting with someone under false pretenses. Don’t pretend to like things you truly don’t, or you risk everything falling apart when he finds out how you really feel.
- Show him something cherished of yours, like a favorite book. Talk to him about why it holds significant meaning to you.
- He will appreciate your honesty, and that you’re not afraid to be yourself.
- Mention some of your hobbies and see if he responds favorably.
3
Confirm mutual attraction. Before you encourage him to make a move, be fairly sure he likes you. Avoid disappointment if at all possible. Here are some signs to help you decide:
- If he smiles a lot at you, or teases you, there is a good chance he likes you.^{[10]
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- When he distances himself from you, he’s probably not into you.
- Constant questions about you are good signs that he shares your attraction.^{[11]
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- Invitations to social events are great signs of interest.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I keep him interested after sleeping with him?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Don't jump into sleeping with him before you have a sense of how interested he is and what he might want. He has to know and like you to continue seeing you. Make sure that happens first.

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Question

How do you get a shy guy to kiss you?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You might consider kissing the shy guy yourself, or at least take enough initiative that he is certain you will respond to his kiss.

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Thank you for your feedback.
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Question

How do you flirt with a shy girl?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Start with connection about something she is interested in. Give her a compliment--first in general, and then about something more personal like her looks.

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Tips

Take time. Take time for him, for you, for this relationship, and don't speed up the process. If you really like him, it’s worth the wait.

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Guys are shy when it comes to making a move so it is best sometimes to almost spell it out for him, without actually making the first move.

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If you flirt with him, and he doesn't flirt back, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you.

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Warnings

Don't try to rush anything too fast.

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Helpful 297 Not Helpful 24
Don't act desperate. If you like him, don't go overboard. Moderation is key.

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Helpful 85 Not Helpful 8
Don't be obsessed with the guy, he might take it the wrong way and think you're stalking him.

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Helpful 152 Not Helpful 21
If you think he's going to ask you out, keep it to yourself! If you tell others, and it’s a false alarm, it could be very embarrassing.

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