How to Get Your Husband to Notice You Sexually

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 24, 2024 Fact Checked

With work, kids, and responsibilities, it’s natural for you and your husband’s sex life to take a bit of a hit over time. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and you want to get your husband’s eyes watching you again, look no further! We’ve compiled a list of ways you can get your partner’s attention to kickstart a fun, sexy time in the bedroom.

How to Turn Your Husband On

Send him some flirty texts throughout the day to keep him thinking of you.
Give him a sensual massage and find little ways to touch him.
Put on a sexy outfit and give him a striptease to keep him engaged.

1

Send him some flirty texts.

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Get his engine revving when you two are apart. If he’s at work and you won’t see him until later, try texting him a few things, like what you wish you could do to him right now. When he gets home, he’ll be more than happy to see you and make good on those promises. Try messages like:^{[1]
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- “Wish I could see your handsome face right now.”
- “Too bad you aren’t here right now… The things I’d do to you…”
- “Hope you’re ready to stay up late tonight. I’ve got some exciting things planned for us ;)”

2

Give him a sensual back rub.

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This is both a stress reliever and a way to get him in the mood. Have him strip down and lay on the bed, then grab some massage oil or a bottle of lotion. Start by rubbing his neck and his shoulders, then slowly work your way down his body. He’ll be so happy and relaxed, he’ll most likely be very excited for whatever happens next.^{[2]
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- To really set the mood, try lighting some candles and playing soft music. The more relaxed he can get, the better!

3

Put on a revealing new outfit.

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Buy something sexy that he won’t be able to ignore. If you want to entice him right away, find a revealing dress or shirt to show off your goods throughout the day. If you want to save your surprise for the bedroom, put on some lingerie or a new pair of underwear. You don’t have to break the bank, but changing up your appearance just slightly can be enough to break the routine and get him to notice you.^{[3]
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- If you normally dress casually, try putting on a fancy outfit. If formalwear is your go-to look, try putting on something sultry and revealing.

4

Watch or read something sexy together.

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Look up an erotic novel or put on a sensual TV show. Media that’s a little steamy might just get him thinking about you in a sexy, fun way. By reading or watching something together, you can both get turned on at the same time (and you might even get some new ideas for the bedroom, too).^{[4]
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- If you want to, you could even try watching porn together. But, if you’re not into that, go for an R-rated show, like The Witcher or Game of Thrones.

5

Give him a strip tease.

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Sit him down and slowly take off your clothes piece by piece. Throw on a sensual song that you can dance and grind to as you go. Don’t worry if you aren’t the best dancer—he won’t be paying much attention to your moves, anyway. Try to keep the strip tease going for at least a minute, or even longer to really hold his attention.^{[5]
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- Feeling stuck? Try looking up moves you can try on YouTube.

6

Initiate sex somewhere besides the bedroom.

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The couch, the kitchen, the shower—your home has plenty of options! Instead of calling your hubby into the bedroom to get him turned on, try getting steamy somewhere else. The fun surprise of having sex in an unexpected place might just be enough to get his engine revving.^{[6]
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- If you’ve already explored your entire house, try going somewhere else! A hotel room or an AirBnb can be just the spot to add a fun, new element to your sex life.

7

Share your sexual fantasies with each other.

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What’s something you’ve always wanted to try in the bedroom? Even if you’re not quite sure you’d be 100% into it, share those fantasies with him, then have him tell you his. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to, but it can be a fun way to connect with him on a more intimate and sexy level.^{[7]
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- Not sure what you’d be into? Try getting a book on sex from your local adult store.

8

Reminisce about past sexual experiences.

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You two probably had a lot of fun together when you first met. Sit down and start talking about fond memories, including the best sexual experiences you two have ever had. If it’s been a little while since you two have done the deed, this could be just the thing to get his thoughts (among other things) racing.^{[8]
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- For instance, you might say, “Remember our honeymoon? The beach was so pretty, but I remember we barely left our hotel room… Or should I say, the bedroom.”

9

Take him out on a date.

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Plan something fun and spontaneous you two have never done before. This will get some dopamine flowing for the both of you, and it’s a great way to show him that you love and care about him. Try out a new restaurant, do a new activity together, or go away for the weekend to a new town. A little newness in your relationship can’t hurt, and it might get him thinking about you in a sexual way again.^{[9]
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- You could even tell him to just get in the car, then drive him to a surprise location.
- Remember that a date doesn’t have to be super extravagant to be special—especially if you’ve already been dating for awhile.
- Reader Poll: We asked 449 wikiHow readers about their preferred date night and 52% of them chose spending a night in to cuddle and watch a movie. [Take Poll]

10

Touch him affectionately.

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Give him hugs or kisses without expecting it to lead to sex. A quick kiss when you both get home from work or a light touch on the arm when he’s nearby are great reminders that you’re here, and that you love him. Try initiating small instances of physical touch throughout the day to get him thinking about you later on.^{[10]
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11

Tell him how awesome he is.

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When you notice he’s doing something well, tell him about it. A lot of times, we get stuck in a routine of only telling our partners when they mess up, which doesn’t leave a lot of room for intimacy. To get your husband thinking about you all day, try calling out something good that he does, and letting him know how much you appreciate him.^{[11]
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- For instance, if he did more chores than usual that day, you might say, “The house looks so good, honey! Thanks for taking care of all those chores, you really blew it out of the park today.”
- Or, if he’s had a tough week at work, you could say, “You’re doing so well at work, even with all your extra responsibilities. I know it’s stressful, but you’re doing amazing.”

12

Talk with your husband if you need to.

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If the lack of sex in your relationship is getting you down, it’s worth talking about. Sit down with your husband and have an empathetic, honest chat about how you’ve been feeling. You don’t need to accuse him of anything (since that could make him feel defensive), but tell him that you’ve noticed you two aren’t having sex as much, and ask him if there’s anything he needs to get him in the mood.^{[12]
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- You might say something like, “I’ve noticed that we haven’t been having as much sex as we used to lately. I know that we’re both busy, but it would make me feel better if we could both try to make time for physical intimacy.”

Rekindle the Spark with this Expert Series

Are you feeling disconnected from your husband? Use these expert articles to rekindle the spark through flirting, romance, and quality time.

1

Be Romantic with Your Husband

2

How to Treat Your Husband: Meet His Emotional & Romantic Needs

3

Has Your Marriage Lost That Spark? 15 Easy Activities to Have Fun with Your Husband Again

4

How to Flirt with Your Husband

5

Spend Time with Your Husband at Home

6

13 Ways to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I get a better connection in my relationship?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over twelve years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

One of the things that you can do to grow closer, is to share what's going on in your life. With time, couples don't really make time for each other, to just talk about the day and share frustrations. So do your best to share your thoughts, feelings and fears with each other to improve your connection in your relationship.

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Medical issues and certain medications can cause a lower libido. If your husband has had any health issues that have correlated with his lack of interest in sex, have him check in with his doctor.^{[13]
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