How to Get a Girl's Attention if You Are a Girl

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams

Last Updated: November 8, 2024 Approved

Are you a girl who has a real crush on another girl, but can't seem to get her to notice that you're interested? Don't worry, loads of girls have this problem. Sometimes you're uncomfortable with identifying yourself as gay, or don't want everyone to know just yet. Here are a few ways to show that you're interested.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Conversing with Your Crush

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This is a crucial step in the process to being noticed. Make sure you aren't too shy or jumpy around her. This can be a major issue for some people who stutter or get nervous easily, but take your time. There's nothing to worry about.
This is a very important part of the relationship, but DON'T hurry or overdo this. Girls who have just been friends up to this point will not commonly think of another girl as a potential date. So start some small talk and give her some hints and some things to think about. Talk about school or business/work. Strike up a conversation, or work in a group, or on a project with her. She will look at you in different ways as she gets to know you better.^{[1]
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These are a more subtle start, with you showing interest in her first. Also not to be overdone. See the sections on verbal and non-verbal hints.
Come right out and ask if she's ever considered herself bisexual or been interested in a bisexual experience.
There will be letdowns in your life, don't let one disappointment interfere with the rest of your life. If you've tried everything with no results, it's simply time for you to move on to the next experience with the next person. No hard feelings - not every pair is a match.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Giving Subtle, Verbal Hints

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Tell a slightly inappropriate joke about gays or lesbians and watch for a reaction (don't get too nasty, you're just trying to gauge the response). What you're trying to do is determine if she's bigoted or has a negative feeling about gays in general, or if she seems to be okay with everything. Be sure the joke is funny so you both can laugh over it if there's just a neutral response from her.
Spur conversations in that direction (girls with girls) and let her know, "That sounds like fun." Or, the ever-popular, "I've never tried it but it doesn't sound bad".
This requires you to come out and identify yourself as bisexual or lesbian.
If she corrects you ("You mean "boyfriend?"), then say "Oops - what did I say? Silly me." and smile.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Using Non-Verbal Hints

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If she ever glances at you, give her a wink.
If she tells a joke or asks you a touchy question, give a suggestive, maybe even a little mischievous smile. This one can be very effective.
If you have the opportunity and it feels natural and not weird or forced, give her a hug. Make sure you hold it just a little longer than usual - don't wait till she's trying to peel you off her.
If she puts her hand on the table or desk, and you're nearby, reach for the nearest object to her hand and intentionally brush your hand up against her hand, and hover for a second before blushing and grabbing the object. Watch her reaction carefully.

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This girl at work keeps on staring at me, but whenever I look at her she looks away. We always make eye contact and she gives me a smile and blushes, but she has a long-distance relationship with a boyfriend. I am confused; why is she staring at me, could she be bi? Or just friendly?

Moonmodule1998

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Either answer's possible. She could have a crush on you. She could also simply be shy, or friendly, as you said. She may want to be your friend, but is unsure how to approach you. The behavior you've noted does sound like the typical signs of a crush, but that doesn't mean you can be certain. Since she has a boyfriend and you're uncertain of her orientation, even if you do have some feelings for her, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to act on them. With a few obvious exceptions, for example, if she tells you she's in an open and/or polyamorous relationship.

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What if the girl I like just thinks I'm being friendly and doesn't fully understand I'm a lesbian?

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Hint at it: make a joke about gays or recommend a gay movie or book.

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Is it morally wrong to cause my friend to like me (she does but, feels guilty doing so) because we are in a religious institution where homosexuality isn't allowed?

Community Answer

No, love is never morally wrong. The institution is in the wrong for establishing rules about who people can love and who they can be. You and your friend have nothing to feel guilty about.

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Tips

If she seems freaked out by your flirting, don't push it. You don't want to ruin your friendship.

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Love yourself first. Be comfortable with your sexuality and make sure she knows you like girls.

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Be calm. A nice, soothing voice or interested demeanor goes a long way.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Make small talk, ask questions about her (but nothing too personal), and be sure to listen. Give her compliments, show interest in her work or hobbies, respect her opinion, and be honest.
Be polite. Walk her to class or her car, open the door when her arms are full or the door is about to close, and if she seems to have trouble carrying something, carry it for her.

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