How to Get over Not Having a Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 11, 2024 Fact Checked

When you’re single, it can sometimes feel like everyone around you is coupled up. However, the path to finding a partner can sometimes be a long one, and it's important to find ways to love and enjoy your own life on your own. We’ve compiled a comprehensive list of ways you can get over not having a boyfriend or girlfriend to keep on living and have fun while doing it.

1

Get to know yourself more.

Spend time on your own to figure out who you are. Single people often have more time for personal growth, which can lead to increased happiness and a better lease on life. Spend some time figuring out your goals in life, your passions, and who you want to be in the next couple of years.^{[1]
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- Sit down and think about your values and what’s really important to you. Then, create goals out of those. For instance, if owning property is really important to you, you might try to buy a house in the next 10 years. If education is important, you might try to finish college within the next 5 years. If getting that job feels most important, go for it!
- It can help to write out a list of goals you want to achieve within the next few years or so. For instance, you might try to finish school, get a good job, or move to the city.

2

Focus on your own feelings, not other people’s opinions.

You might feel like your friends or family judge you for being single. However, your opinion is the only one that matters. If you’re happy being single, then that’s great! And if you just haven’t found the right person yet, then that’s fine, too!^{[2]
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- You can usually deflect well-meaning comments from loved ones by saying, “I guess I just haven’t found the right person yet,” or, “I’m pretty busy with other things in my life right now.”

3

Lean on friends and family.

Spend time with your loved ones to feel good about yourself. When you're sad, reach out to someone and talk about how you're feeling. This can go a long way toward alleviating any loneliness you feel about being single. Plus, if you are happy and healthy, others will come to you!^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

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- If it's hard for you and your friends to find time to meet up, try hosting regular get-togethers at your home. For instance, you might have a weekly watch party for your favorite show, and let your friends know they can drop by whenever they're free.
- If you'd like to make new friends, try joining a group for people who share the same interests as you. Check out Facebook or NextDoor to meet people in your area who enjoy the same hobby as you.

4

Practice self-care.

Do something nice for yourself at least once a day. Part of being a well-rounded individual means finding the things you need to do for yourself to feel healthy and cared for.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} Self-care looks different for everyone, so think about what your ideal day would look like, from your morning routine to getting in bed at night, then work to make that a reality.^{[5]
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- For instance, if a beauty routine makes you feel pampered, you might start your day by washing and moisturizing your face. At night, you might take a long bath, use a rich face mask, and apply lotion to your whole body.
- Having a healthy body is a great way to feel good about yourself, so consider incorporating exercise and a healthy diet into your lifestyle.

5

Pick up a new hobby.

Single people often have more time to dedicate to fun things. It can sometimes be hard to make time for what you enjoy when you're sharing your time with a partner, so take advantage of the chance to do what you love! One way to work on this is to make time for an activity you enjoy. If you don't know what that would be, push yourself to try new things until you figure out what it is.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source}
- Think about your personality type and what hobbies might suit you. If you're athletic, for instance, your hobbies might be things like going to the gym and hiking. If you're artistic, you might paint or take a cake-decorating class.

6

Dive into your studies or career.

Use your free time to work your way up in your industry. Since you’re single, you probably have a lot more free time to dedicate to your job or classes. Do your best to work hard and prove that you’re a competent employee or student. Apply for raises, promotions, or new jobs if you think they’ll advance your career, and do your best to get good grades to keep your GPA up.^{[7]
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- Not a fan of your current job? It’s never too late to go back to school! Look into trade schools or community colleges where classes might be a little cheaper.

7

Volunteer your time.

When you’re single, you have more time to give back to your community. If you find yourself feeling down about being single, consider giving some of your time to helping others who are less fortunate. Supporting a cause you believe in can be a very rewarding way to help you put your own problems in perspective.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source}
- Think about needs in the community you feel passionately about, then find a way to help. For instance, if you feel bad every time you see a stray animal, you might volunteer at a local animal shelter.

8

Save money to reach your goals.

Studies show that single people often save more money. Since you aren’t spending it on dates or nights out on the town, you can put it into savings to have money in the future. Try setting a savings goal for yourself and meeting it every month to see yourself succeed in no time.^{[9]
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- For instance, you might try to store away 1/4 of your paycheck every month so you can eventually buy a house.
- Or, you might set a goal to save $300 a month so you can move to a new state.

9

Date yourself.

Take yourself out and treat yourself to nice things. There’s no need to wait around for anyone else to do it for you! If you want to see a movie or go out to eat, you can do that all by yourself. Go on fancy vacations, hit up that new coffee shop, and enjoy your own company while you’re out.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source}
- You might also travel around the world, head out on a solo hike, or even go camping on your own.
- If you want to, you can invite friends along—just don’t back out if they can’t go!

10

Meet new people.

Put yourself out there to make new connections. Having a big group of friends will not only make you feel less lonely, but it’s a great way to experience life! If you don’t have a lot of friends right now, try joining a group or club near you to meet people who share your interests. Or, introduce yourself to people when you’re out and about to get to know them.^{[11]
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- Plus, meeting new people is a great way to meet potential dates, too (if that’s what you’re looking for).
- Try searching Facebook groups or NextDoor to find like-minded people who share your same hobby.
EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Try using meetup groups to meet people that have similar interests as you. For example, if you love wine tasting, or you're into video games, find a meetup group for people that are interested in wine or gaming. Right away, you'll have a shared interest to talk about and connect over with everyone in that group. At a meetup, try your best not to be scared to talk to someone you don't know. There's never going to be a perfect time to meet somebody. If you see someone that sparks your interest, don't be afraid to say hello!

11

Have high standards for anyone you might date in the future.

You deserve to find someone you love with all your heart. Sometimes it can be tempting to jump into the first relationship that comes along, especially if you've been single for a while. However, it's important to keep in mind that even if you feel lonely, it's still better to be single than to be in a toxic relationship that isn't right for you. To ensure that doesn't happen, watch out for red flags when you meet someone new, and don't date anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
- Always treat and view yourself with value. You deserve to be treated right!^{[12]
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  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.}
- Red flags include someone who tries to control you, someone who wants to be around you 24/7, someone who tries to change you, and someone who you can’t see yourself with long-term.

Join the Discussion...

Why am I still single?

23

WikiWombatCaster809

I'm in my late 20s and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm just tired and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and I'm not go... Read More

8

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist

Being single doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong! Being single gives you a chance to really love yourself so that, when you're ultimately in... Read More

2

WikiWombatCaster809

Thanks, that's good advice. But I feel like it's not just me, all my friends are single too :( Why are we ALL single?... Read More

See all 81 Replies and

Read Discussion

Common Questions: Being Single in School

Why is it hard to get a girlfriend or boyfriend?

People used to date because they came from similar families or had desirable jobs or social status. Today, people date for love and look for partners who satisfy their familial, social, economic, creative, and/or religious needs. This is difficult, especially with the huge number of available people on dating apps.^{[13]
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Why can't I find someone to date in middle school or high school?

Middle and high school are times for big social changes. Your sense of identity and self-esteem are growing, and the way you meet, relate to, and communicate with your peers changes too. Since everyone is exploring and reinventing themselves, it can be difficult to find someone you can connect with on a deep level.^{[14]
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How can I meet someone who might want to date me?

Ask your friends to set you up or join them in activities where you may meet other singles. Join a club or volunteer for a cause you care about; by doing what you enjoy and find valuable, you’re likely to meet like-minded people. Or, look for people who regularly frequent the same gym, cafe, or other spots as you.^{[15]
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