How to Get over a Crush on Your Coworker

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 21, 2021 References

Getting over a crush is not easy, especially if this person is someone you see on daily basis: your coworker. Having a crush on a coworker can cause a lot of stress, and can make things very complicated in your workplace. You can get over a crush, however, by understanding the potential risks of acting on the crush, by finding support, and by acknowledging your feelings.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Considering the Risks of a Workplace Crush

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Check company policy.^{[1]
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Research source} If your company discourages or prohibits personal relationships among coworkers, and you don’t want to endanger your job, remind yourself of your priorities. You will probably decide that the crush is not worth risking your job.
- Review your company’s workplace rules (perhaps available from your human resources department, if applicable) regarding personal relationships. Seeing the ramifications of having a romance in the works place spelled out might be enough motivation for you to put an end to the crush.^{[2]
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- There may also be legal ramifications of having a workplace romance, depending on laws regulating sexual harassment in your area.
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Research source} If you dwell on a crush, and others at your workplace find out, gossip can spread. This can be the case even if you only talk about the crush, and don’t act on it. Gossip can give you a reputation for being unprofessional, and it can also lower your productivity and workplace morale. If you are worried about these risks, it may be best to not discuss your crush at work or with coworkers outside of your workplace.

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Keep in mind the social risks of acting on a workplace crush. If you act on a crush you have on a coworker, there can be serious social ramifications, whether or not the crush reciprocates. Recognizing the risks of these can be enough to end your crush. Potential problems include:
- Being rejected by your crush
- Lingering awkwardness if your crush does not reciprocate, or, if he or she does at first, but the relationship ultimately does not work out^{[6]
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- Pressuring your crush to reciprocate if you are in a superior position in the workplace
- Loss of credibility among your coworkers, who may perceive you as acting unprofessionally or giving special treatment to your crush^{[7]
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Think about the implications of a relationship not working out.^{[8]
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Research source} Even if you feel like you want to act on a crush, it is worth thinking about all possible outcomes, for better or worse. It is possible that the relationship could work out long-term, but if it does not:
- The relationship might succeed at first, but then fall apart.
- If the relationship does not succeed, or eventually falls apart, you will have to deal with seeing the crush at work, possibly being promoted, etc. This can create a great deal of stress.
- If the relationship does not work out, and you or the crush feels pressure to resign from your workplace, this will create many more problems.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Finding Support to Get Over Your Crush

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Talk to a friend about the situation.^{[9]
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Research source} Letting someone else know about your dilemma can relieve some of the pressure of having a crush you don’t want to act on. In addition to providing the support of a sympathetic ear, your friend might also have advice to give.
- If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone at your workplace about your crush, or if you are worried about workplace gossip spreading, you can talk to a non-work friend.
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Research source} You may have developed a crush at work if you haven’t had enough opportunities to find romantic interests outside of work. If you have been working too much or avoiding social interaction outside of work, then make yourself set aside time to hang out with non-work friends or go and do some activities you enjoy. Look for opportunities to meet people outside of work, as this may take your interests away from your workplace crush.
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Focus on positive distractions. Crushes often hold our attention because we let it happen. If you turn your mind to other things, however, it will be easier to get over the crush and move on.
- At work, focus your mind on your tasks, and having professional interactions with your coworkers. Even some things as simple as taking time to decorate your office, caring for a potted plant at your desk, or listening to your favorite music while you work can provide positive distractions from your crush.
- Outside of work, you can keep yourself from dwelling on your crush by focusing on other things you’ve been meaning to getting around to. Working out more at the gym, spending more time with a hobby, even cleaning your home (if you’ve been putting it off) can serve as positive distractions.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dealing with Emotions Caused by Having a Crush

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Separate fantasy from reality. A crush signifies attraction, but can also get wrapped up in the fantasy of what life would be like if you were to get together with your crush. Separating the fantasies from the feelings of attraction might help you put a crush into perspective.
- Fantasy is past and future oriented. Reality is present oriented^{[12]
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- Focus on the life you are living right this moment instead of the life you wish you had.
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Realize that you don’t always have to act on your feelings.^{[13]
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Research source} It is possible to have feelings for someone, including a coworker, without ever acting on them. If you are sure that you can keep your work life and love life separated, you might be able to deal with having a crush on a coworker by admitting the reality of your feelings while also declaring to yourself that you won’t act on them.
- Sometimes, having a workplace crush can even be beneficial. For instance, it might make you dress better, work harder, or participate more in your company.
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Research source} Sometimes, having a crush is mostly fantasy. Maybe it seems like you would love to act on a crush, but in reality, it is only that the crush is unavailable or forbidden that causes the allure. Perhaps you can get over your crush simply by reminding yourself that you are happy where you are in life now, and that acting on the crush wouldn’t really be a dream come true.
If you are determined not to engage in workplace romance (to avoid jeopardizing your job, or for any other reason), then devise rules to deter any crushes you may have. For instance, you might decide to only interact with your crush when there are other people around, since this will help prevent you from stepping over your boundary.^{[15]
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Research source} Oftentimes, setting boundaries makes it easier to get rid of stress and runaway emotions.
Don’t expect to necessarily get over a crush immediately. Let yourself have enough time to work through your feelings, and decide how you want to move on. Don’t beat yourself up if it takes a little while to get over your crush.

Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.

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How to Get Over Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated

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Stop Liking Someone

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Overcome an Infatuation

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Tips

If you really can’t get over your crush, a more abrupt change might help. If it is possible at your workplace, you could ask to be moved to a different shift or location (if applicable) as a way of getting away from your crush.

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