How to Help Your Overweight Girlfriend or Boyfriend Be Healthy

Co-authored by Pouya Shafipour, MD, MS

Last Updated: September 28, 2024 References

More than one third of American adults are overweight or obese.^{[1]
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services

Go to source} The World Health Organization recognized over 1.8 billion obese or overweight people in 2008. If your significant other is overweight, it can be a stress on your relationship. While you cannot make your partner work out, you can encourage them to lose weight and be healthy.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Encouraging Healthy Living

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1
Talk about daily routines. There can be many reasons for a person to be overweight, from inactivity to health concerns.^{[2]
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Pouya Shafipour, MD, MS
Board Certified Family Medicine Specialist

Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Before you assume that your partner is just inactive, talk to him about his daily routine. Ask a question as a way to get a conversation started. Be sure to listen and respond rather than asking a series of questions because this may come across as interrogating. Ask things like:
- ”How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Do you feel tired when you wake up?”
- ”Do you get up and walk around during the day?"
- ”How active would you say you are? Do you work out? If so, what sort of activity do you do?”
2
Encourage keeping a food log. It is easy to underestimate how many calories we actually eat each day. Encourage your partner to keep a food log to report what she is actually eating per day. This can be a personal wake up call and/or quantitative reasoning for weight gain. You can encourage your partner to do this by showing her your own food log and telling her that even athletes keep food logs.^{[3]
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FamilyDoctor.org
Family-focused medical advice site run by the American Academy of Family Doctors

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- There are many free applications available to help you keep a food log. Some even allow you to scan barcodes of food that will automatically enter information for you.
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3
Check out the pantry. Pay attention to the types of foods your partner brings home and try to provide some healthy options. Check out what sorts of foods he has in his pantry and refrigerator. It can be difficult to resist tempting junk food, no matter how good the intention. Look for:
- Cookies/Biscuits.
- Chips.
- Sweets.
- Alcohol.
- Soft drinks.
4
Model positive changes. It might be easier for your partner to follow a program or make healthier choices if he sees you doing the same.^{[4]
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services

Go to source} Be consistent in your own health routine and diet. Try and model healthy behavior by:
- Preparing healthy foods (and perhaps sharing recipes with your partner).
- Eating a healthy diet.
- Keeping an exercise routine.
- Sharing personal goals/worries with your partner.
5
Encourage your partner. Above all, your are in a partnership. You need to be encouraging to the needs and goals of your partner. Try to:
- Be a cheerleader, not a taskmaster. You should encourage your partner to be healthy and happy. Telling what they have to do or should do can breed resentment and unhappiness.^{[5]
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- Develop incentives. Reward your partner if they stick with a program or change bad habits into good. Do not focus on food, as this might backfire, but consider a nice date or a small present.
- Care about them as a person, not a number. Remind them why you are with them and why you love them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Talking with Your Partner

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Start a conversation. You will want to avoid being too direct or hurtful to your partner. Avoid saying things like: “You know, you’re really fat” or “You really shouldn’t eat that.” Instead, start a general conversation about health.^{[6]
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services

Go to source} This will be a good way to broach the topic without being too hurtful. Try to say things like:
- ”Did you hear about the study about weight gain and heart disease?”
- ”Wow, this article about this new workout looks really fun.”
- ”Wouldn’t it be neat to go to that dance class? I hear it is really good cardio.”
2
Get him/her to talk to you. Once you have planted a seed in your partner’s mind, she might start to open up to you about her own fears and goals. Be an active listener to her worries or complaints; it is not easy to identify shameful or hurtful things. Encourage your partner to talk to you by responding kindly. Try saying things like:
- ”I hear you say that you are struggling with your weight. Do you want to talk about it?”
- ”I agree, having the motivation to work out can be difficult. Do you want to hear what gets me going in the morning?”
3
Provide empathy. It can sometimes be difficult or daunting to an overweight person to hear a fit person talk about being healthy. Provide empathy to your partner by providing what you have struggled with.
- ”It took me two years to lose 70lbs. It was so difficult and I wanted to give up all the time.”
- ”All I wanted to do last night was go home and eat a big bowl of chocolate ice cream. But, I realized that would just make me feel worse.”
- ”Losing weight is so hard. I kept getting so discouraged by the number on the scale.”
4
Listen, but do not judge. It is difficult to talk about faults and it can be hurtful to talk to someone you love only to be judged harshly. If your partner is talking to you about a problem, be kind and do not judge. They are reaching out to you because they respect your opinion. Avoid saying things like:^{[7]
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- ”Yeah, I noticed you were getting chubby.”
- ”I can’t believe you live like this!”
- ”Wow, you can eat that?”
This breeds resentment and your relationship to suffer. Instead, focus on being supportive. Avoid pointing out when your partner fails or struggles. Be encouraging!

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Motivating Your Partner

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1
Be active, together. Studies have shown that working out with a friend or partner is more beneficial than working out alone. To encourage healthy habits, work out with your partner.^{[8]
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services

Go to source} Do activities together that you both enjoy. Even 15-30 minutes of daily exercise together can make a difference.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Pouya Shafipour, MD, MS
Board Certified Family Medicine Specialist

Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Try making these activities into part of a date. Some fun, physical date activities include:
- Walks in the park.
- Walks on the beach.
- Rollerskating.
- Ice skating.
- Skiing/snowboarding.
- Swimming.
- Horseback riding.
- Various sports (American football, soccer, hockey, frisbee, golf, tennis etc.).
EXPERT TIP

Laila Ajani
Fitness Trainer
Laila Ajani is a Fitness Trainer and founder of Push Personal Fitness, a personal training organization based in the San Francisco Bay Area. With over 13 years as a trainer and exercise specialist, Laila has expertise in competitive athletics (gymnastics, powerlifting, and tennis), personal training, distance running, and Olympic lifting. Laila is certified by the National Strength & Conditioning Association (NSCA), and USA Powerlifting (USAPL), and she is a Corrective Exercise Specialist (CES).

Laila Ajani
Fitness Trainer

Males tend to drop fat more quickly than females due to biological differences. Females naturally have a higher body fat percentage than males. Because of that, it's unfair to compare your weight loss with a male partner, as it occurs at a different rate. It's important to avoid comparison in fitness journeys.
2
Cook together. Another way you can make healthy-living into a date night is to cook together. Pick out healthy recipes together and cook them. Try incorporating healthy foods like:^{[10]
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American Heart Association
Leading nonprofit that funds medical research and public education

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- Healthy proteins including beans, chicken, turkey, and fish.
- Healthy carbohydrates including beans, sweet potatoes, and chickpeas.
- Heart healthy foods such as almonds, avocadoes, and yogurts.
- Fresh ingredients such as vegetables and fruits.
Being healthy is a marathon, not a sprint. There is so much knowledge out there about the human body and about fitness. Take this opportunity to learn about your body and to learn with your partner. Read fitness blogs, magazines, and books. Talk about health-related issues such as doctor’s recommendations, exercises, and personal records/goals.^{[11]
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Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

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Expert Q&A

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Question

Can an overweight person still be healthy?

Pouya Shafipour, MD, MS
Board Certified Family Medicine Specialist
Dr. Pouya Shafipour is a Family Medicine Specialist, Primary Care Physician, and a Weight Loss Specialist based in Santa Monica, California. Dr. Shafipour specializes in dietary, nutritional, behavioral, and exercise counseling to manage obesity and medical conditions related to excessive weight gain or loss. Dr. Shafipour received a BS in Molecular and Cell Biology from the University of California, Berkeley, an MS in Physiology and Biophysics from Georgetown University, and an MD from the Loma Linda University School of Medicine. He completed his internship in general surgery at UC Irvine and a residency in family medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles, and became board certified in family medicine in 2008.

Pouya Shafipour, MD, MS

Board Certified Family Medicine Specialist

Expert Answer

Pediatric history can shed some light on causes of weight gain. Dietary recommendations can be different based on diagnosis of hypertension, diabetes, and hypothyroidism, etc. A doctor can come up with a personalized diet that would take the patient’s history and habits and level of activity and job into consideration.

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Tips

Checking your own expectations, respecting your partner, focusing on the benefits of losing weight, and keeping things positive are all necessary for encouraging a partner to make a lifestyle change.^{[12]
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Warnings

Your partner may have a health condition that limits their capacity to diet and exercise. If they would like to lose a significant amount of weight, make sure to consult a doctor so that this is done in a healthy way.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Pouya Shafipour, MD, MS
Board Certified Family Medicine Specialist

Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Refrain from pushing your partner into going through with a diet or exercise plan that is not safe or healthy for them.

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