20 Ways to Show Your Partner Respect in a Healthy Relationship

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Learn concrete ways to build a respectful partnership
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Respect for your partner is important whether you're in a long-term relationship or just started dating. A baseline of mutual respect and understanding is a great way to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. When you have a respectful relationship, you have a relationship where both you and your partner feel valued and accepted. That's why we talked to therapists and relationship experts to find out the best ways for you to show your partner that you respect them.

Showing Your Partner Respect

  1. Talk openly and honestly with your partner.
  2. Listen to your partner and empathize with them.
  3. Value your partner's feelings and needs.
  4. Acknowledge your partner's contributions to your life.
  5. Support your partner's interests even if you don't share them.
  6. Give your partner space to have their own life.
  7. Compromise and honor your partner's boundaries.
1

Listen without distractions.

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  1. Give 100% of your attention to your partner.
    When you listen actively, you drop whatever you're doing and listen to your partner when they speak to you. Make eye contact and turn towards them to show them that they have your attention. When they're done, repeat back what they said so you can make sure you understood it correctly. Then, ask questions about what they said to get more information and show that you're interested.[1]
    • For example, if your partner is talking about how they got passed over for another promotion at work, you might say, "I can tell that you're frustrated. That sucks to get passed over again. Do you feel like your boss doesn't appreciate you?"
    • Your partner might need extra support if they're struggling. Show your respect by offering all the support you can without judging or blaming them.
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2

Acknowledge your partner's contributions.

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  1. Let them know you appreciate all they do for you.
    If your partner is a great cook, thank them for making a delicious dinner. If they’re always kind and attentive, let them know how much that means to you. A little bit of acknowledgment can go a long way, and it will help make your relationship stronger.[2]
    • Acknowledging all the nice things that your partner does for you shows that you respect the effort they're putting into the relationship.
    • For licensed marriage and family therapist Allen Wagner, this is "respect in that you understand the value of what your life would be if you didn't have that person, what they give to you, and that you can verbalize that."[3]
    • Wagner continues, "If you don't respect your partner, or you don't feel they carry their weight, the partner is going to feel that, and they're going to be unhappy."[4]
3

Talk about issues as soon as they come up.

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  1. Take care of the problem before it really starts to bother you.
    If something is starting to annoy you, sit down and have a serious conversation about it. Your partner can't read your mind, so it's better to mention it while it's still not a huge deal and you're not all emotional. If you don't say anything, resentment could build over time.[5]
    • Relationship counselor Jason Polk recommends that you use "I" statements to communicate your feelings without placing blame on your partner. For example, you might say, "I feel overwhelmed by the amount of housework I do every day. Can we talk about sharing the workload more equitably?"
    • Couples counselor and family therapist Raffi Bilek notes that "you should do it when both people are calm, not stressed out, not tired, not hungry."[6]
    • Licensed mental health counselor Laura Richer adds that you should "work on understanding your partner's communication style, as well as maybe understanding your own communication style and improving your communication."[7]
    Esther Perel
    Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

    Resolve issues through communication and hard work. "Issues and conflict will arise in every relationship. But in healthy relationships, the deeper issue is recognized, and we work to chip away at it, moving from rupture to repair."

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4

Use gentle language when you talk to your partner.

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  1. Try to avoid using sarcasm when you're dealing with your partner.
    Speak to your partner in a way that's sensitive to their feelings. If you respect them, you would never intentionally say something to hurt them—that includes jokes that happen to poke at something your partner is sensitive about.[8]
    • Even if you're disagreeing about something, there's never any reason to insult each other or call each other names.
    • If your partner starts lashing out, show your respect for them by requesting that the two of you take some time apart to calm down before you talk.
5

Compromise when you have disagreements.

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  1. Respect your partner by showing that you're on the same team.
    Even if the two of you disagree about something, it's not about one of you being right and the other being wrong, or about one of you winning and the other losing. Instead, focus on how you and your partner can approach a problem as a team and find a solution that benefits both of you individually as well as the two of you as a couple.[9]
    • For example, if you need more alone time than your partner does, you might compromise by setting aside a few days of the week specifically to spend quality time together.
    • Bilek notes that "talking about how [your partner] feels and trying to understand their perspective is far better than getting into arguments about whether they really should be upset."[10]
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Alison Broennimann agrees that compromise is an important part of showing respect, noting that "a lot of times there's a power struggle and it needs to be a collaboration for each moment, and some people are really demanding without considering the other person."[11]
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6

Tell your partner what you need.

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  1. Communicate your needs clearly so your partner doesn't have to guess.
    Talk to your partner about what you need and what you want in a relationship. This shows that you understand that they're not a mind reader and can't be expected to understand that you need something unless you tell them you do.[12]
    • Being clear about your needs can feel uncomfortable because you have to be vulnerable, but it's better than feeling anger or resentment because you didn't speak up.
    • For example, if you need to spend more time with your partner but they're always going out with their friends, you might say, "I feel as though you'd rather spend time with other people than with me and that doesn't seem fair. Can we plan 3 nights a week where you'll stay at home with me?"
7

Respond warmly to your partner's needs.

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  1. Show how much you value your partner by prioritizing their needs.
    When you become a part of a couple, you have someone else's needs to take into account besides your own. Because you're in this together, respect your partner by showing up for them and treating their needs as though they are equally as important as yours.[13]
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8

Keep your partner's secrets.

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  1. Show them that they're safe confiding in you.
    It can be really uncomfortable opening up and being vulnerable with someone else, but it's a lot easier if you're talking to someone who you know will love and accept you no matter what. If you gossip about your partner or tell your friends things they told you in confidence, you're being disrespectful by betraying their trust.[15]
    • Depending on what you're talking about, this kind of thing can make your friends wonder what you're saying about them behind their backs as well.
9

Apologize when you've made a mistake.

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  1. Acknowledge the damage you've done and take responsibility.
    You're going to mess up, and that's okay! When you realize you've made a mistake, apologize to your partner immediately and acknowledge that you've hurt them. Don't make excuses and try to make it clear that you regret what happened. Let them know what steps you'll take in the future to ensure it doesn't happen again.[16]
    • For example, you might say, "I'm really sorry I didn't call when I saw that I was going to be late. I understand that you were worried, I would've been too! I'll make sure to call next time, even if I don't think it's going to be that big of a deal."
    • Real respect extends beyond the apology to your follow-through. Your partner will see that you respect them when you make a real, honest effort not to do the same thing again.
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10

Support your partner's passions.

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  1. Encourage your partner to do what makes them happy.
    What does your partner like to do for fun? If there's something they really like to do, whether it's board games, playing a sport, or creating art, support their efforts and avoid talking negatively about the things they enjoy. Even if you don't understand them or enjoy them yourself, you show your partner respect by supporting their pursuits.[17]
    • Wagner notes that "if you want to show somebody that you love them, sometimes it's understanding why certain things have certain meaning to them, and finding that beautiful, even if it's not something that historically or subjectively you've found meaning in.[18]
11

Honor your partner's boundaries.

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  1. Show respect for your partner's physical, mental, and emotional autonomy.
    Richer notes that "people feel taken for granted when they're doing things that they don't really want to be doing," which means they're not honoring their own boundaries and clearly communicating what is and isn't okay.[19] When you pay attention to your partner's boundaries, they feel respected rather than taken for granted.
    • This goes for sexual boundaries too. If your partner says no, stop doing anything physical immediately. Being in a relationship with them doesn't give you a right to their body.
    • In fact, Richer notes that one of the easiest ways to tell if your partner doesn't respect you is that "they don't listen to your no, that when you tell them no, they keep pushing for whatever it is that they're trying to get instead of respecting what you need."[20]
    • Honoring your partner's boundaries also means respecting their privacy. For example, it would be disrespectful to snoop through your partner's phone or tablet without them knowing.[21]
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12

Resolve disagreements without resorting to name-calling.

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  1. Try to understand each other rather than attack each other.
    Remember, you're on the same team. Use "I" statements to express your own feelings, then listen to your partner's feelings. Focus on getting to the bottom of the issue so that you can have a productive discussion and find a resolution that satisfies you both.[22]
    • Remember that if you start out by being aggressive or angry, your partner will be much less likely to compromise or share their ideas. Show your respect by keeping an even keel and hearing them out.
    • If you feel a bit heated, Polk recommends that "the first thing to do is to have a little space... because you want to be able to get to a mental place where you're responding and not reacting out of anger."[23]
    • Wagner agrees that "people need to have mechanisms... so [they] are not talking to each other in fight or flight positions, but coming and talking to each other in calmer positions where they can garner more empathy."[24]
13

Be honest with your partner.

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  1. Build and maintain trust with transparency and truthfulness.
    Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and you can't have trust unless you and your partner are open and honest with each other. If you know that you don't have to worry about your partner lying to you, it'll be a lot easier to trust them. Plus, part of showing respect for your partner is making sure you do everything you can not to violate their trust in you.[25]
    • Keep in mind that trust can be broken in an instant but can take quite a long time to repair. Even if you think your partner would be hurt or upset by the truth, that's still better than lying.
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14

Give your partner space.

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  1. Encourage your partner to develop a life outside of your relationship.
    Both you and your partner have your own circles of friends and various interests that overlap to some extent. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you get rid of everything the two of you don't have in common. Respect your partner's independent life and activities because it's part of what attracted you to them in the first place and it shows that you see them as a whole person, not just an appendage of yourself.[26]
    • For example, if your partner likes to skate but it's not really your thing, you might encourage them to go to the skatepark with their friends once or twice a week while you do something else.
    • Wagner emphasizes that "people do need to have an individual life. If your partner is not living outside of the relationship and all you have is each other, there is a boredom that comes from that. Your experience individually is going to make you more interesting."[27]
15

Speak positively or neutrally about your partner.

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  1. Keep your negative thoughts about your partner to yourself.
    Problems are better handled between you and your partner rather than spilled to all of your friends. When you're reaching out to complain after every fight, your friends might start to wonder why you're even with this person.[28]
    • If you feel the need to vent to a trusted friend or family member, try to stick to the facts and avoid saying anything that paints your partner in a bad light.
    • Keep in mind that your friends and family members don't love your partner the way you do, so it's easier for them to hold onto a negative impression based on things you say.
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16

Show that you only have eyes for your partner.

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  1. Make them feel like they're the most attractive person in the world.
    If you're openly staring at someone else when you're out with your partner, it can lead them to feel inadequate or as though you're only with them until something better comes along. Your partner will feel respected when they can see that your focus is on them and you're not interested in anyone else.[29]
    • The same goes for your partner's skills and talents. Don't compare them to anyone else unless it's because you're going to say that they're better than the other person.
    • For example, if your partner is a musician, it wouldn't be respectful to tell them that someone else plays their instrument better than they do.
17

Engage in self-care.

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  1. Give your partner the best possible version of yourself.
    Richer emphasizes that "working on yourself is a good way to improve your relationship or show that your relationship is important to you." She notes that self-care really means that you take responsibility for your own emotional experience rather than "make it your partner's job to make sure that you're happy or fulfilled."[30]
    • What counts as self-care? Richer notes that virtually anything could work here, "depending on what you like, whether it's therapy, yoga, meditation, being in nature, having fun with your friends, and having outside social experiences."[31]
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18

Maintain your curiosity for your partner.

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  1. Ask questions to better understand rather than making assumptions.
    Both you and your partner are growing and changing every day. You might have thoughts and feelings now that are vastly different from your thoughts and feelings just a few months ago. When you're curious about your partner, you show that you understand and respect that growth process and that you're open to continuing to accept your partner as they grow and change.[32]
    • Staying curious about your partner also signals that you're not judging them and that you're open to anything they want to share with you.
    • If you stay curious rather than making assumptions, your partner will likely find it easier to trust you because they can see that you're not trying to fit them into a box or change them to suit your wishes.
19

Express your gratitude to your partner.

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  1. Thank them both for the things they do and for who they are.
    One of the easiest ways to show respect for your partner is to acknowledge that they make a choice to do the things that they do. When you thank them, it goes beyond basic politeness—it affirms that you're not taking them or anything they do for granted.[33]
    • Once you start to get familiar with someone, you might feel yourself slipping into a more casual relationship that dispenses with polite phrases such as "please" and "thank you." But maintaining your politeness with your partner is one way to show that you respect them.
    • Thanking your partner also lets them know that you don't feel that you're entitled to anything they might do.
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20

Tell others how much you respect your partner.

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  1. Stand up for your partner and present a united front.
    When you respect your partner, you don't allow your friends or family to say negative things about your partner or talk bad about them. If you hear anyone else criticize your partner, you let them know that you can't hang out with them if they're going to disrespect the person you love.[34]
    • It's fine to ask why they have a problem with your partner or what they don't like about them. It might be something that you can help resolve.
    • This doesn't mean that all of your friends and family have to love your partner or you won't talk to them anymore. It just means that you expect them to respect the fact that you and your partner are together and you love them.

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What should I do if there's no respect in my relationship?
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Sit the other person down and have an honest conversation with them. Let them know what's bothering you right away you don't build any resentment for them.
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References

  1. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-do
  2. ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
  3. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
  4. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
  5. ↑ https://oscr.umich.edu/article/healthy-relationships-through-communication
  6. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
  7. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
  8. ↑ https://www.qld.gov.au/youth/relationships-safety-sexuality/relationships-sexuality/respectful-relationships
  9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
  1. ↑ Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
  2. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.
  3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201409/9-tips-making-your-relationship-priority
  5. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
  6. ↑ https://www.qld.gov.au/youth/relationships-safety-sexuality/relationships-sexuality/respectful-relationships
  7. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/how-to-apologize-to-your-partner
  8. ↑ https://www.qld.gov.au/youth/relationships-safety-sexuality/relationships-sexuality/respectful-relationships
  9. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
  10. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
  11. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
  12. ↑ https://www.qld.gov.au/youth/relationships-safety-sexuality/relationships-sexuality/respectful-relationships
  13. ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
  14. ↑ Jason Polk, LCSW, LAC. Relationship Counselor. Expert Interview 24 November 2021.
  15. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
  16. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
  17. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Expect-Respect-Healthy-Relationships.aspx
  18. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
  19. ↑ https://www.qld.gov.au/youth/relationships-safety-sexuality/relationships-sexuality/respectful-relationships
  20. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
  21. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
  22. ↑ Laura Richer. Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
  23. ↑ https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/your-love-map
  24. ↑ https://www.qld.gov.au/youth/relationships-safety-sexuality/relationships-sexuality/respectful-relationships
  25. ↑ https://www.psychologies.co.uk/my-friend-doesnt-like-my-partner/

About This Article

Laura Richer
Co-authored by:
Laura Richer
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
This article was co-authored by Laura Richer and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Laura Richer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the Founder of Anchor Light Therapy Collective, a multi-disciplinary mental health counseling clinic in Seattle, Washington. With more than ten years of experience in the mental health sector, she specializes in working with couples and individuals and supporting them in becoming empowered to direct their destiny. Laura holds a BA in English from Western Washington University and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She also received her Hypnotherapy Practitioner Training from Bastyr University, Couples Counseling Certification from The Gottman Institute, and Master Life Coach Certification from Seattle Life Coach Training. Laura is the host of the podcast Holding Ground which explores anything and everything in the world of mental health and positive psychology. This article has been viewed 404,093 times.
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Co-authors: 39
Updated: July 24, 2024
Views: 404,093
Categories: Featured Articles | Showing Respect | Maintaining Relationships
Article SummaryX

Respecting your partner is key to a happy, long-term relationship. To respect your partner more, work on viewing your relationship as a team effort. For instance, consult your partner when you make big decisions, like making a big purchase or picking a vacation spot. If you don’t agree on something, listen to your partner’s opinion and discuss the situation respectfully rather than insisting on doing things your way. You won’t always agree on everything, and respecting your partner means making compromises for the sake of the relationship. If you want to respect your partner, you should also be considerate of what they have to say. Take the time to put your phone away and fully listen when they tell you something, especially if it’s something important. You should also respect their boundaries, even if you don’t agree with them. For instance, if your partner is really sensitive about a certain topic, don’t bring it up even if you don’t think its a big deal. Above all, be honest with your partner since healthy, respectful relationships are built on transparency. To learn how to avoid fighting with your partner, read on!

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