How Often Should You Text Your Friends?

Co-authored by John Keegan and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: April 18, 2024 Fact Checked

How often do you text your friends? You probably don’t want to blow up your friends’ phones, but at the same time, you don’t want to just leave them on read. How can you make sure you and your friends are texting a normal amount? We’ll put your mind at ease by answering your most common questions about texting your friends. Additionally, we have example texts you can send to your friends.

Section 1 of 2:

How often should I be texting my friends?

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Friendships differ, and so do texting habits between friends. There’s no “normal” amount to text your friends. A lot of people text their closest friends every day. You might text other friends a few times a month. It’s really up to you.
- Texting isn’t the only way to stay in touch. You can also connect with friends on social media, instant message, video chats, gaming chats, and email. Don’t stress if you prefer to send a snap or do in-game chats instead of texting.
- Try group chats. You can text all of your friends at one time, making it easier to keep up with everyone. Plus, you’ll never miss plans or life updates.
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Do what feels comfortable to you and your friend. Everyone has different texting habits, so talk to your friend about how often you want to text each other. That way, you can keep your friendship going without stressing about how often you’re checking in on each other.^{[1]
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Research source} If either of you feels overwhelmed, you’re texting too often. Say something like:
- “Hey, I want to make sure I’m being a good friend. Do you feel like I text you often enough?”
- “I really like texting with you, but I’m worried I text too often. Are you comfortable with texting every day?”
- “Sometimes I feel bad about leaving you on read, but I just get so busy. Does that bother you at all?”
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Set boundaries with your friends if they’re texting you too often. Your friend may not even realize that you like to text less often than they do. Talk to them about setting some boundaries for how much you'll text each other. Be honest about how you feel so they know to space out their texts.^{[2]
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Research source} Say something like:
- “I love being your friend, but sometimes I get overwhelmed by my phone notifications. I’d really like it if we cut back on how often we text.”
- “I totally love talking to you. At the same time, I need to space out our text chats so I have enough time to study. I hope you understand that I’ll respond when I can.”
- “I really care about our friendship, so I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. During the week, I prefer not to receive texts after 9:00 p.m. because I like to study before bed.”
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Respect your friend’s boundaries. If your friend expresses a boundary, respect their wishes and text them when it's more convenient for them. Additionally, people tend to get overwhelmed when they get several texts from the same person. It’s best to wait for a response before you message someone again. Unless it’s an emergency, just send one text at a time.
- For instance, your friend might ask you not to text late a night. If this happens, make sure you stop texting them at the designated time they give you.
- There are occasional exceptions to this rule. For instance, it’s okay to text your friend again if you need to clarify something in the first text or if something important comes up. Just make sure you aren’t doing this often.
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Use texts to maintain busy or long-distance friendships. It’s totally possible to stay friends with someone who lives far away or is too busy to hang out. Make a habit of checking in with your friends often via text. Here are some things to text your friends about:^{[3]
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Research source}
- What each of you are doing that day
- Why you value them as a friend
- Your hobbies and interests
- Special occasions
- Life events, like new jobs or upcoming vacations
- Plans to meet up in the future

Section 2 of 2:

Example Texts to Send Your Friends

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“Hey, how’s it going?” You can use this simple conversation starter on any of your friends. After they tell you what’s up with them, share with them what you’re doing. You’ll be able to easily stay up to date on each other’s lives.
- You could also just say, “What’s up? 😎”
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“Just wanted to say hey!” Send this text if you haven’t chatted in a few days or if you really just don’t have much to say. It shows your friend that you care about them, and it’ll probably put a smile on their face.
- You could also send a meme that says “Hello,” “Good morning,” or “Happy Friday.”
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“Saw this and thought of you.” When something reminds you of your friend, tell them. Maybe it’s a Star Wars mug you spotted at Target or a jersey from your friend’s favorite sports team. Snap a pic and text it to your friend.
- Your friend will be happy to know that you think about them when they’re not around.
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“Check this out.” Send them a photo of your day to help maintain your connection with them. It only takes a moment to snap a pic and hit send. Your friend will know you’re thinking of them and will feel special.
- Take a picture of the scenery.
- Snap a pic if you see something you both like.
- Share a picture of something silly or funny.
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“Remember when we did this?” Bring up happy memories from your friendship to make your friend feel nostalgic. You might even send them a pic from back in the day. They’ll enjoy sharing the memory with you, and it’ll help you two stay close. More examples include:
- “Today I thought about the time we watched all of the Harry Potter movies in one day.”
- “Remember when we went rollerblading in the school parking lot? 😆”
- “Can you believe we took this picture five years ago? 🤯”
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“I’m so lucky to have a friend like you.” If you’re feeling warm and fuzzy, tell your friend that you really value them. If they did something nice for you, tell them how much you appreciated it. With a simple text, they’ll know they’re important in your life.
- You could also say, “Just wanted to tell you you’re a good friend.”
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“Sorry I haven’t texted in a while—what’s new?” If it’s been a while since you last texted, break the ice with a quick apology. A good friend will understand that life gets busy sometimes. You could also try:
- “I’m sorry for my delayed response. 💛 Anything exciting happen lately?”
- “It feels like forever since we chatted. What’s up with you?”
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“I miss hanging out with you.” Tell them this if you’re hoping to make plans, either in-person or online. Hopefully, you can set up a hangout soon. You could also text them:
- “I’ve missed you a lot lately. 😔 Wanna hang out soon?”
- “Been missing you. We should get the gang together.” \\\

Community Q&A

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Question

What if the person I text to never replies?

CheekyMonkeyCat2027

Community Answer

Talk to them in person to see what's going on. Also consider the possibility that their phone is broken or battery is flat.

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Tips

Sometimes friends drift apart, but it doesn’t mean your friendship is over. If you’re missing your friend, go ahead and send them a text, even if it’s been a while.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source

American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists

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Delay your responses to them if you don’t want to chat. When you respond right away, your friend may think it’s okay to text you again.

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If a friend keeps texting you even after you’ve asked them to wait for a reply, they’re not respecting your boundaries. You might decide to “mute” this friend’s text message thread so you won’t see the notifications.

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