How to Intrigue a Guy

Co-authored by Julianne Cantarella

Last Updated: August 16, 2024 References

To truly intrigue a guy, you have to make him think you're fascinating and leave him wanting more. You can't put it all out there or make him feel like he has you figured out in the first five minutes or he won't want to get to know you -- or wonder about you when you're not there. So how do you create the perfect combination of mystery and excitement that can intrigue any guy? See Step 1 to get started.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Acting Intriguing

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1
Show a bit of interest in him.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} If you give the guy absolutely nothing to work with, you won't get anything back. He won't be intrigued by you if you give him the cold shoulder and if he feels like you're not interested in him at all whatsoever. So, give him a little smile, a wave, or start a light conversation with him. Flirt just a tiny bit to make him think there's a chance that you like him, but not to make him think that you want him. Just give him enough to leave him thinking about you and wanting to see you again.^{[2]
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- Use his name when you talk to him, and make a bit of eye contact.
- Avoid making physical contact when you first talk to him, or you may be coming on too strong.
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Let him see you having a great time. If you want to intrigue a guy, then you have to make him feel like he wants to be around you. If you're in his orbit, make sure you're having a great time with your friends, laughing, talking happily, or even dancing, if you're out -- let him think, "There's a cool, fun girl. It would be fun to get to know her better." If he always sees you moping or looking bored or sad, why would he want more of that? Of course, you shouldn't pretend to be fun just to catch his eye, but actually be the kind of girl who is out to have a good time.
- He should feel like he should be lucky to be in your orbit -- not that you're looking for a guy to make your life complete.
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Don't always be available.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} If you're getting to know the guy a bit and he wants to hang out, you should be excited about it, but not act like your schedule is wide open. Keep him guessing. Maybe you have a host of other exciting dates lined up. Maybe you have some fun weekend plans with your girlfriends. Maybe you like to spend Friday nights by yourself, translating Latvian poetry into English. He shouldn't know exactly what you're up at all times -- just knowing that you're not always free will make him think that he should cherish his time with you and that you're a dynamic person with a lot going on.^{[4]
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- Being a person with a lot of plans and exciting ideas will make you a more interesting, multi-faceted person.
- Don't call him all the time, and don't pick up the phone every time he calls or text him back within five minutes whenever you hear from him, either. Let him see that you have a busy schedule, not that you're sitting around and waiting for a call from him.
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Keep your options open. If you've started casually dating the guy or just talking to him a lot, you don't have to let him know how much you like him right away. Make him feel special enough to keep wanting to see you, but don't tell him he's the only guy in your life or that you want to be his girlfriend ASAP. Make him figure out that he should ask you to be his girlfriend (if that's what you want) instead of letting him know that he's the only one. This doesn't mean you have to be deceptive -- you should just stay open to all of the opportunities around you.^{[5]
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- If he thinks your focus is 100% on him, he'll be less likely to be intrigued by you because he may think he has you in the palm of his hand.
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Don't come on too strong. Playing hard to get can go a long way in intriguing the guy. Even if you think he's the one, you shouldn't throw yourself all over him, tell him how hot he is, or compliment him constantly. Most guys like to be kept on their toes; if you want him to think that you're worth it, then let him see that the chase is never over.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.} And heck, many successful married couples say that the key to their long-lasting love is the feeling that the chase is never really over; if you want to intrigue the guy, then you shouldn't lay it all out on the line in the first five minutes.
- This doesn't mean you should be deceptive or manipulate the guy; you should just hold back from telling him you love love love love him right away, or you'll scare him off instead of intrigue him.
- It goes without saying: if you start hooking up, don't give it all up right away, either. Make him wait and see that you're worth it. If you get down on the first night, he'll have less incentive to keep courting you.
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Don't tell him everything about yourself. If you want to intrigue the guy, then you can't make him think that he knows exactly who you are after your first conversation. Reveal who you are little by little and let him see that you're more than just one thing. Let him see your artistic side by talking about your poetry one time and then show off your sports knowledge by talking about who you think is going to win the Super Bowl the next time you see him. Don't give him your personal biography, either; let him figure out that you spent six months in India or were born in Alaska little by little instead of telling him every little thing right away.
- When you talk to him, make sure you ask him questions and that the conversation flows both ways. If you talk the whole time, chances are he'll find out a lot about you right away, and will feel like there aren't a lot of things he'd like to know about you.
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Leave him wanting more. If you want to intrigue the guy, then you have to leave him just when things are getting good. Don't have a great conversation and then let things taper off until you find yourself talking about your grandmother's toe fungus; when you're feeling a really great vibe, tell him it's been great talking to him and say you have to go. Don't do this abruptly if it makes no sense in context or seems rude; but if you're in the halls, for example, don't talk to him until the bell rings and you're late for class. Say a few words to leave him wanting more and wave goodbye.
- You can tell him you had a great time talking to him without overdoing it. Let him see that you liked talking to him, too, without making him feel like he can talk to you for as long as he wants any time.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Possessing Intriguing Qualities

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1
Be independent. Men are intrigued by women who know what they want and like to do their own thing. If the guy thinks you'd be the kind of girl who wants to cling to him and to do absolutely everything together, he's likely to feel a little overwhelmed and scared off. Instead, let him see that you have your own interests, friends, and goals, and that you are determined to continue doing what you love, with or without him.^{[7]
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- Of course, if you get into a serious relationship with the guy, it's inevitable that some of your interests will merge, but at first, he should be intrigued by your ability to do what you want.
- Pursue your passion. Nothing is more intriguing than that.
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Be playful. Don't be too serious right away. Remember that if the guy likes you, there's a chance he'll wonder what it would be like to date you, so you should be fun, lighthearted, and create a dynamic, exciting conversation when you're together. Don't nitpick him, get into long, pointless conversations, or just be a stick in the mud. Be fun, don't take yourself too seriously, and tease the guy a little bit if he's up for it. He'll be intrigued by your ability to enjoy life and to have a good time no matter what.
- If you want to be playful, you can touch the guy lightly on the arm or gently shove him -- just don't overdo the physical contact.
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Be happy with who you are. Men are intrigued by strong, confident women who are comfortable in their own skin. You don't want him to think that you're insecure and looking to fill a void in your life by dating him or he will feel too much pressure when he's around you. Instead, let him see that you like how you look, love what you do, and are happy to be surrounded by all of the awesome people in your life. If you're already happy with who you are, he's much more likely to be happy with you, too.^{[8]
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- Body language can go a long way in making you look and feel confident. Hold your head high, maintain good posture, and don't fiddle with your hands too much if you want to look comfortable and secure.
- You don't have to sound like you have it all figured out; a bit of vulnerability can be refreshing and honest. But if you're questioning everything about your life currently, then it's best to save the soul-searching for your girlfriends, not for the guy you're trying to intrigue.
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Be impressive. Let him see that you're an accomplished, amazing woman. Stand out in some way, whether it's from being the fastest cross country runner in your high school or from succeeding in your career. Help out at a homeless shelter. Make your own jewelry. Do something unique and impressive because it makes you feel good, and let him see what you're capable of. That's not to say that you should do something just to show off or to make the guy feel like you're putting on a show. Let him see that you're talented, hardworking, and generally awesome, and he will be more intrigued than ever.
- Work on being a person other people admire and take the time to care for hours. The more time you spend on being a genuine, well-rounded person, the more the guy will want to get to know you.
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Be unpredictable. You don't want the guy to feel like he can read you like a book. Surprise him. Go on a random unplanned trip to Tahoe. Do a cartwheel. Suddenly bust out your perfect French in the middle of a conversation about Paris. Let him see that you're capable of doing anything and will always keep him on his toes. Mix up your outfits and hairstyles, and don't let him get used to seeing you be any one way.
- Being spontaneous will keep any relationship feeling fresh and exciting. If you're already spontaneous, then the guy will see that a relationship with you will be very exciting.

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Tips

Don't be mean or snappish. Guys are intimidated, even angered by a mean girl. Always have a smile and be cheerful. It will add to your mystique.

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Don't go overboard. Don't ignore him or brush him aside. To make someone really get interested in you is to hand them half of the information and them make them beg for the rest.

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If you are thinking about confessing your feelings about him, don't do it straight away. Spend more and more time with him and give him hints about your feelings until you get to the point when you can tell him. Don't just come out randomly; take your time.

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Warnings

Don't refuse to give him your number. 9 times out of 10, he will think you're not interested, or he'll get upset if he finds out you're obviously playing games with him. If a guy is "intrigued" enough about you to be the one to ask for your number, reward him by giving it to him. Then, HE gets to be the one to call YOU for a date.

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Be careful about "trailing off" with your sentences too much. If a guy asks you what music you like, and you say "I like rock..." and then for food, "I like Italian..." and then "I like flat shoes... I like ice cream... I like animals..." you may start to seem extremely uninteresting. Change it up. Mention that you like chocolate ice cream, or dolphins are your favorite animal. Don't make him think you don't have strong opinions on anything.

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Don't be too mysterious though. He may think you are emo, a weirdo, or your hiding something. Be more interesting than totally mysterious.

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Being mysterious may or may not help you get a guy. It all depends on his personality. First get to know him just a little bit before you try this, so that you can decide if it will work on him or not.

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