How to Live Free

Co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA

Last Updated: July 26, 2024 Approved

Sometimes we can't help but get stuck living inside of a box, doing the same thing over and over, worrying about what other people will think of us and our actions. If you want to break out of that box and learn to live life to its fullest,^{[1]
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Research source} start with Step 1 for more details.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Worrying Less

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1
Give less value to what other people think of you. Other people are outside your control, and if you can't get past worrying about your own image, you can't live freely. You can't please everyone, so thinking that you can will leave you alienated and disappointed.^{[2]
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- Don't let other people's views become the words you mold yourself around. Once you get to the point where you are saying to yourself and everyone else that you're just trying to be what everyone else wants, you have reached a point where you cannot be free.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Kirsten Parker, MFA
  Mindset & Action Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.}
- Detach yourself from "toxic" people in your life.^{[4]
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  Research source} These are the people who try to tie you down through manipulation, negativity, and other forms of control. Better still, learn how to disarm such people by learning non-violent communication techniques and standing your ground through being less reactive and more responsive and assertive; you have the power within you to remain free of such people and to live free from their harmful ways. Good friends will help you find your balance.
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Stop focusing on the bad. Be free by focusing on what can be done, rather than on what cannot. Shift your attention to what you can do to make things better for yourself and for others.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach

Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.} By doing this, you'll find greater freedom to live the life you want to live.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Remind yourself of your successes instead of your failures. If work or school isn't going as well as it might, focus on your family, your relationships, or how awesome you've become at shooting three-pointers. Focus on the positive.
- Watch your language. Avoid negative statements like "I can't." Language is powerful, both in convincing yourself and in convincing others. By changing these negative phrases to ones focused on what can be done, you will free yourself from inaction and procrastination. Instead, say, "I've got to do this."
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3
Be honest. Lies create a tangled web of deceit that keeps you from being free. Learn to recognize the lies you tell yourself and others. Being sincere and truthful allows you to connect better with people you can trust because they can identify with your vulnerability.^{[7]
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- Lies are one form of reacting defensively; for many of us, it is natural to feel a need to defend ourselves in a situation of conflict.
- Lying during a conflict may seem like a good, defensive way of getting someone to leave you alone but it binds you even more tightly to that person because you've made things less clear and have evaded your real needs rather than stood up for yourself.
- By responding with loving kindness, you regain your freedom in relationships because you learn to acknowledge the pain, hurt and other negative feelings of others without escalating the conflict and still make it clear that you retain your power to make your own decisions and choices.
4
Come to terms with money (and any lack of it). Many people associate "having enough money" with freedom, but your attitude toward money says much more about freedom than money itself. Treat money as a tool in your life, not the driver of your life.^{[8]
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Research source} Learn to save, budget and be a conscious consumer.^{[9]
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- Look for what you can do to remove yourself from parts of the consuming cycle that you feel burden you. For example, if you're fed up paying high prices for organic food, dig up your lawn and plant a beautiful vegetable and fruit garden instead. Tend to it regularly, knowing that the fruits of your labor are repaid through communion with nature, health through quality food and role modeling sustainable behavior to your children, neighbors, and friends.
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Make things that you're good at making. Start bartering your skills with others who have skills in making things you can't or don't enjoy making, so that a virtuous cycle kicks into place. From this, you will also gain friendships and connections that might just amaze you.
- Make use of online resources to connect with like-minded people, share items and services, and to encourage others to get involved in ways of living more freely. One site you might find useful is Sharehood, a collaborative consumption website that helps you to bring together the local community and your neighbors for sharing resources and skills.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need?

We all have blind spots, especially when it comes to the ways we treat others (and ourselves). Unfortunately, it can be pretty tough to take an objective look at what your own weak points are. We’re here to help. Take this quiz to rip off the Band-aid and see what your blind spots really are.

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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting Healthy

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Exercise. Exercise can release endorphins that change your mood for the better, and staying in shape will ensure that you're able to do the things you want to do.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source

MedlinePlus
Collection of medical information sourced from the US National Library of Medicine

Go to source} Don't let your lack of health keep you from being free to do what you want to do. Choose something you enjoy doing, as exercise should be fun in itself rather than being viewed as a means to something else.^{[11]
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- Release endorphins to free your spirit. Endorphins are your body's own mood lighteners, bio-chemicals produced by your brain in response to pleasant experiences. Endorphins help you to free yourself from unhelpful emotions that can trap you in ongoing cycles of negativity. The ways to help release endorphins do you good, such as exercising, socializing and laughing, all freeing you up to focus on the things that truly matter to you in life.
Laugh and smile whenever possible. Your smile changes your frame of mind.^{[12]
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Research source} Make a point of laughing at something every day. Start with laughing at your own antics or fun thoughts, then expand to watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club or just doing something that will encourage you to laugh. Laughing and smiling boosts your immune system as well as making you feel better by releasing endorphins. ^{[13]
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Research source} Laughing lets your brain know you're happy, and gets you in a great mood, in the right state of mind.
The sun can brighten up your day as well as your mood. Go to open spaces, do some trekking, enjoy nature and spend time around people. Obviously, observe sun safe procedures during the hottest months.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source

Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public

Go to source}
^{[15]
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Research source} Being with friends brings out your empathy; understanding and being understood can improve your sense of well-being, also helping to release endorphins. In addition, spending time with friends and being social has been shown to increase serotonin levels, also important for improving your inner well-being.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Shaking Up Routines

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1
Do something new as often as possible.^{[16]
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Research source} Being open to new experiences is a source of freedom because you're expanding your horizons, discovering new hidden talents and keeping yourself open to the goodness of life.^{[17]
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- See new experiences as opportunities rather than as burdens or something to be worried about. Most of the battle is inside your head, before you've given the new activity a go.
- Congratulate yourself every time you try something new. And tell others what you've done, to reinforce its good. Your story may help others to live more freely too
Movies all have soundtracks and so should you. Walking down the street on a horrible rainy day, pick yourself up with something that gets your feet moving and your mind entertained.
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Do something outrageous or spontaneous. Spontaneity is often lost upon entering the adult world of work, parenting and societal obligations. Conforming to what's expected of each adult in society tends to quell the opportunities for breaking free now and then, to do something out-of-character. Restoring a little spontaneity and impulsiveness to your life can bring back some balance.
- Check out the fun things that Improv Everywhere has done, like gathering over two hundred people to walk around downtown using the famous "invisible dog" toy and pretending they were real. Doing something that makes people stare is a great way to live free and get out of the box you're trapped in.
- Look for flash mob videos online to find actions that have brought laughter and enjoyment to people's lives.
Go outside and start walking.^{[18]
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Trustworthy Source

Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source} Just keep walking in no particular direction and don't stop until you have to. There's something great about taking a walk with no direction or goal in mind.
It's okay to act on impulse without thinking it through sometimes. Have pie for breakfast or shave your head without warning if you want to. Embrace surprises and spontaneity. Shaking up the regular way of things can help you to become more enthusiastic about each day. Who knows what will happen!^{[19]
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You don't have to be good at whatever it is that fills you with passion, you just have to love it. Maybe it's writing, maybe it's drawing, maybe it's playing sports of some kind. Whatever it is, embrace it with all your heart and allow yourself to get completely involved with it. Tell your family about it, convince your friends to try it, go crazy and let your life revolve around that something you love.

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Question

How do I start a new life?

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach
Kirsten Parker is a Mindset and Action Coach based in her hometown of Los Angeles, California. She helps high achievers overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in increasing one's confidence and clarity by incorporating tools from positive psychology, mindful habit change, and self-regulation into her coaching. She is a Certified HeartMath Practitioner trained in Stress, Anxiety, and Intelligent Energy Management along with Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Self-Acceptance. She also holds an MFA from Yale University School of Drama in Stage Management.

Kirsten Parker, MFA

Mindset & Action Coach

Expert Answer

Stop focusing on the bad things that happen and instead, turn your focus to the good things.

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Tips

Manage your stress.^{[20]
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Research source} Living free means living free of stress too; stress ties you down and threatens your health and general well-being. If you cannot manage it alone, get help from support people or groups, or relevant self-help reading

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Don't hush yourself. Expressing enthusiasm, joy and a sense of awe are things to be proud of. If people tell you to shut up, don't be dissuaded; instead, work on your presentation skills until you know just how to adjust your pitch of enthusiasm to every type of audience possible.

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Always veer toward increasing your levels of energy. It is by being energetic that you will live more freely because you don't feel lethargic and held back. Tired people tend to make "same as always" choices because resisting requires energy and the status quo means that they can stay put. However, inertia is never freedom, it's imprisonment. Therefore, eat healthily, focusing on foods that restore maximum energy to your body. Exercise regularly to increase both energy and strength. And be spiritual, whatever your faith or secular bent––finding what moves you spiritually provides an inner energy that helps to restore you every time that something seeks to break you.

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