Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back

Show your narcissistic ex what they’re missing and they’ll beg you to take them back

Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: October 23, 2024 Fact Checked

If you were in a relationship with someone who is vain, egotistical, attention-seeking, and lacks empathy, you might consider them to be narcissistic. It’s best to cut them off if you can, but if you decide you want them back, we're here to help. In this article, we’ll tell you exactly how to show your ex what they’ve been missing so they come crawling back to you. Just keep in mind that people who display narcissistic tendencies don't necessarily have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which only a therapist can diagnose, and not everyone with NPD is toxic or abusive.^{[1]
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Things You Should Know

Get your ex to come crawling back to you by giving them the silent treatment and acting as if you don’t care about them: they’ll crave your attention.
They'll feel insecure when they see you thriving, so date other people, pursue your hobbies and career, and show your ex you’re successful and happy.
After you’ve distanced yourself for a while, lure them back in by appealing to their ego: compliment them and take the blame for your relationship ending.

1

Give them the silent treatment.

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Ignoring them will tell them they have no control over you. After your relationship ends, your ex probably expects you to talk to them every day or beg for their attention. You can get under their skin by ignoring their calls and not responding to their texts. The longer you ignore them, the more they’ll get worried that they’ve lost you for good.^{[2]
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- If they call or text you incessantly, feel free to block their number.

2

Post lots of pictures on social media.

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Show off how happy you are online to throw it in your ex’s face. Many people use social media as a way to seek approval.^{[3]
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Research source} If you know your ex is constantly online, you can use that to your advantage. Whenever you’re hanging with friends or out on an adventure, post some pics to your social media accounts to let your ex know that you’re out there having fun without them.
- Some self-absorbed people expect you to be too sad to live your life after a breakup. If you show your ex that you’re ambivalent about it, you can really get under their skin.

3

Go out with your friends.

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Hang out with others to show your ex you don’t need them anymore. If your ex tried to isolate you or keep you away from your friends at all, they’ll be crushed when you reconnect with your social circle. Spend time with your loved ones and have fun to show your ex that you can exist happily without them.^{[4]
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- Plus, leaning on your support network can help heal you after a tough breakup.

4

Start dating other people.

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Some insecure people feel threatened when they see other people’s happiness. If you really want to make your ex squirm, go out and date other people. You can keep things casual if you aren’t ready for a serious relationship right now, but be prepared for your ex to come running back.^{[5]
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- If your ex is super self-absorbed, they’ll want you to be as obsessed with them as they are with themselves. By dating someone else, you’re showing them that you can move on.

5

Make it clear that your relationship is over.

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Make them think that they’ve lost you for good. If there’s one thing controlling people can’t stand, it’s losing their hold over a person. If you both made the decision to break things off, let your ex know that you’re not going to reverse that decision just because they regret it now.^{[6]
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- “We’re not in a relationship anymore, remember? You’ll have to ask someone else for help.”
- “Sorry, I’m really busy. Plus, we aren’t dating anymore.”

6

Control your emotions around them.

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If your ex loves to get under your skin, so don’t let them. Your ex might insult you or spread rumors about you in an attempt to belittle you. If you make contact with your ex again, the best way to get them to stop that behavior is to stay calm, and not show them any emotion. This can be tough to do, so try taking some deep breaths and counting to 10 every time you feel like you might have an emotional reaction.^{[7]
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- Another great way to stay calm is by using the gray rock method. This method involves giving uninteresting, neutral responses that are about as interesting as a “gray rock,” like, “Uh-huh,” or, “Okay.”^{[8]
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7

Set clear boundaries.

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Enforcing your boundaries tells a toxic person they have no control over you. If you were in a relationship with a controlling, manipulative person, they’re probably used to walking all over you. Show them that you won't allow that anymore by setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. Since you two are broken up, try telling them that they need to limit their contact with you or they can only reach out if it’s completely necessary.^{[9]
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- “We’re not in a relationship anymore, so I’m only going to answer your texts if it’s urgent. Please don’t text me every day.”
- “You can’t call me while I’m at work. If you keep calling me during work hours, I’m going to have to block your number.”

8

Stop seeking their approval.

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Self-absorbed people want you to value their approval above all else. People with big, fragile egos often try to make those around them feel “less than.” When you stop looking for their approval, they’re going to worry that they’ve lost their hold over you for good. If they criticize you or make comments about your choices, brush them off and act like they don’t affect you.^{[10]
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- Try neutral statements, like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or, “I don’t really need your opinion,” to quickly shut them down.
- To stop seeking their approval for good, find value in your own self-worth. Repeat encouraging affirmations to yourself, like, “I deserve to be happy,” or, “I’m great just the way I am.”

9

Work on yourself.

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Make improvements to yourself to show your ex that you’re a strong person. When a toxic person lets you go, they expect you to devolve into a crying mess (because how could you live without them?). Show your ex that you’re strong and capable by diving into your hobbies and your career to better yourself. If you show them that you're out there living your best life, they'll come crawling back to you in no time.^{[11]
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- Show off your improvements to your ex by posting about them on social media or telling mutual friends about them.

10

Compliment them.

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Feed their ego with compliments to reel them back in. It might seem counterintuitive to compliment the ex you’re trying to make jealous, but for someone with a huge ego who lives on praise, it’s a great way to show them what they’re missing. After you’ve ignored them and lived your own life for a couple of weeks, reach out to them and give them a few compliments. They won’t be able to resist your charm.^{[12]
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- “Hey, it’s been a while! How’s it going? I saw that pic you posted on Instagram the other day—you look really good.”
- “Hey, how are you? I saw you finished up that certificate you were working toward. Just wanted to say congrats.”

11

Accept the blame for the breakup.

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To get them back, you may have to take the blame for what happened. Remember, many self-absorbed people aren’t capable of accepting that what they did was wrong.^{[13]
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HelpGuide
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Go to source} If you’re talking to your ex again and you really want to get back together with them, let them know that you’re the one who messed up, not them.
- “I shouldn’t have been so hasty breaking up with you. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
- “I know I screwed up. Is there any way you can forgive me?”

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Tips

Remember that not all people with NPD are abusive, and many people with clinical NPD are able to manage their behavior with therapy and/or medication.

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In the same vein, not everyone who is abusive has NPD. In the end, it doesn’t matter if your ex has clinical NPD or not: if they hurt you, they hurt you, and you're probably better off without them.

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Warnings

Getting back together with your ex isn’t a good idea if your relationship was toxic or abusive. If you are in an abusive relationship and you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

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