What Does It Mean to Feel Non-Platonic Love?

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Signs of non-platonic love and how it compares to platonic love

Co-authored by Charity Danker, LPC and Ali Garbacz, B.A.

Last Updated: August 15, 2023 Fact Checked

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Non-Platonic Definition

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Non-Platonic vs. Platonic

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Signs of Non-Platonic Love

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Signs of Platonic Love

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7 Types of Love

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Expert Interview

Platonic relationships and feelings are those that occur between close friends, but what exactly are “non-platonic” feelings? “Non-platonic” literally means “not platonic,” but what kinds of feelings and emotions does this term point to? We’re here to answer all of your questions. This article will explore the differences between non-platonic and platonic love and what each can look like. We’ll also look at the 7 types of love Greek philosophers came up with so you have a better understanding of all the forms love can take.

Things You Should Know

The term “non-platonic” usually refers to relationships that are romantic or sexual in nature.
Signs you may have non-platonic feelings for someone include constantly thinking about them, wanting to be sexually intimate with them, and imagining a future with them.
You might love someone platonically if you feel emotionally connected to them but have no desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationship.

Section 1 of 5:

Non-Platonic Definition

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Non-platonic usually means romantic or sexual relationships. If you have non-platonic feelings for someone, it usually means that you want to a relationship that has a more romantic or sexual aspect. In many cases, the term “non-platonic” is used synonymously with the word “romantic.”^{[1]
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- On the other hand, platonic relationships are between close friends and usually don’t involve any romantic or sexual attraction like a non-platonic relationship does.

Section 2 of 5:

Non-Platonic vs. Platonic

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Non-platonic relationships often involve sexual intimacy. The biggest difference between platonic and non-platonic attraction and love is the presence of sexual attraction. While close friends in a platonic relationship might share some physically intimate moments, such as holding hands or cuddling, people in non-platonic relationships often also feel sexually attracted to one another.^{[2]
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- Non-platonic relationships are usually what people consider to be standard romantic relationships. They often involve 2 people who are romantically involved, go on dates, and are possibly sexually involved as well.
- On the other hand, platonic relationships are those between close friends.
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People with non-platonic feelings might want a romantic relationship. The word “non-platonic” is often used synonymously with the word “romantic,” and people who are in a non-platonic relationship with one another are usually in a romantic relationship. On the other hand, people in platonic relationships might be close friends but usually don’t want to be involved romantically with one another.^{[3]
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- People can be in non-platonic relationships, but they can also have non-platonic interactions that don’t necessarily lead to a deeper relationship.
- Non-platonic relationships are usually romantic relationships while non-platonic interactions are usually things like being sexually involved but not in a romantic relationship.
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Non-platonic relationships often require more commitment. Compared to platonic friendships, the decision to be in a non-platonic relationship, especially one that’s romantic, often comes with the promise of being committed to another person for a long time. While friendships can last just as long as romantic relationships, people naturally tend to give more time and energy to their romantic relationships over friendships.^{[4]
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- Romantic relationships also have more established milestones compared to friendships, such as partners moving in together, getting married, and having kids.
- These milestones indicate a higher level of commitment needed to be in a romantic relationship.

Section 3 of 5:

Signs You Love Someone Non-Platonically

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While you may think about your platonic friends from time to time, a person you feel non-platonic attraction for is likely constantly on your mind. You might find yourself daydreaming about them when they’re not around and even the smallest things might remind you of them.^{[5]
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It’s possible you might also feel jealous when other people try to get close with your friends. However, With friends, it’s often a fear that your friend will leave you behind to hang out with someone else that causes you to feel jealous. On the other hand, if you see the object of your non-platonic feelings flirting with someone else, the jealousy you feel is often a result of your disappointment at having your potential relationship struck down.^{[6]
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If you’re romantically attracted to someone, being away from them might feel like torture to you. You might certainly miss your friends every now and then, especially if you haven’t seen them in a while, but if the person you have non-platonic feelings is away, you might constantly think about them. The time you do spend with them never feels like quite enough, and even if you’re only separated for a few hours, you miss them.^{[7]
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Along with wanting to get to know them on an emotional and personal level, you might also find yourself wanting to be more physically intimate with them. While you might cuddle your friends or hold their hands, you might find yourself wanting more from someone you have non-platonic feelings for.^{[8]
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Whenever you see someone you have non-platonic feelings for, you might feel like there are butterflies swirling around in your stomach. You’re probably super happy to see them, but also a bit nervous. That’s totally normal and is usually a sign of early romantic feelings and love.^{[9]
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You can certainly wish for your friends to be with you for the rest of your life, but you likely picture someone you have non-platonic feelings for being right by your side, possibly as a life partner or spouse. Your goals for the future often include them, and you may find it hard to imagine a future without them in it.^{[10]
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Section 4 of 5:

Signs You Love Someone Platonically

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If you’re platonically in love with someone, you might feel like you connect with them on an emotional or even spiritual level. You probably feel like you can be open with them and enjoy spending time with them, but you don’t feel a need to be physically intimate in any way. This is what sets apart platonic love from non-platonic love.^{[11]
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When you’re in a platonic relationship with someone, you might be so close that they feel more like a family member than just a friend. This is something that sets platonic love and relationships apart from regular friendships. While you may feel close to your friends, your affection might simply run deeper for someone you love platonically.^{[12]
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There are probably very few secrets between you and the person you love platonically. You might feel like you can really be yourself around them and can even open up about your more difficult struggles. You trust them deeply and, in return, listen to them and try to do what you can to be there for them as well.^{[13]
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You genuinely enjoy being around them. Whenever you hang out, awkward silences are probably rare or completely nonexistent. When you’re with someone you love platonically, you’re always excited and happy to be in their company, and you probably try your best to make time for them whenever possible.^{[14]
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- Your platonic relationship might have a higher priority than other friendships in your life when it comes to things like spending time together.
Platonic relationships are usually born out of shared interests, passions, and goals. You might feel platonic love for someone who’s very similar to you and loves the same things you do. It’s these common traits that might make them feel closer to you than other friends.^{[15]
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Section 5 of 5:

7 Types of Love

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Eros This is passionate or sexual love, and it’s the kind of love many people associate with romantic love. Many describe eros as a type of love that’s not based on logic or reason, but rather passion, desire, and yearning.^{[16]
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- Eros is the type of love you might closely associate with non-platonic love.
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Philia Philia is what you might associate most closely with the concept of platonic love. This is a love between friends, and the philosopher Aristotle described friendship as being between two people who have similar dispositions, hold no grudges against one another, and mutually respect and admire one another.^{[17]
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- According to the philosopher Plato, the best kind of friendship originally starts as eros, the desire to possess someone, then turns into philia, the desire to understand another person and oneself.
This is familial love, usually the love between parents and children. This kind of love is usually the result of being familiar or dependent on someone and often has less to do with the qualities of each individual.^{[18]
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A person’s love for the universe—strangers, nature, or God—is known as agape. This is a concept similar to altruism where a person acts unselfishly out of concern for the well-being and happiness of others.^{[19]
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Ludus This is playful and/or uncommitted love. People might pursue this kind of love by flirting or teasing the people they find attractive, and they may even become sexually involved. However, ludus relationships often stay very casual, somewhat comparable to the concept of friends with benefits.^{[20]
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- Ludos is another type of love that you might associate with the concept of non-platonic love and attraction.
Pragma is practical love, usually born out of a person’s sense of duty and responsibility rather than desire or passion. Rather than sexual or romantic attraction, people are usually on the lookout for others who have desirable personal qualities that will benefit them.^{[21]
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This is the kind of love a person has for themselves. Philautia occurs when someone regards themselves with healthy self-esteem and feels confident in their abilities. If you have philautia, you likely trust in yourself and know how to be kind to yourself when you most need it.^{[22]
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