How to Play "Flame"

Reviewed by Ashton Wu

Last Updated: October 8, 2024 Fact Checked

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FLAME is a game named after the acronym: Friends, Lovers, Affectionate, Marriage, Enemies.^{[1]
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Research source} It is a popular game among young girls at sleepovers, especially with pre-teens and teens who are beginning to explore the world of crushes. This game does not accurately predict whether or not an individual is right for you, but it can be fun to play with your friends.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Playing FLAME

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This simple game only really requires a pen or pencil and a piece of paper. However, you may have even more fun when playing with friends. Sharing your potential flame with a close friend can help you bond while you investigate your feelings for a certain someone.
On your sheet of paper, write your first name and that of the person you are interested in. You should use your proper name instead of a nickname. You will be looking at the letters shared between your names to measure just what sort of relationship you and this other person might have.^{[2]
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Any letters shared by both names should be crossed off or X'ed out. You should do the same for all repeated letters as well. For example, since the names Samantha and Alexander both have the letter A, you should cross out all A's in both names. Do this with all letters until there are no matching letters remaining.^{[3]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Analyzing Your FLAME

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The letters that have survived your crossing out will help form your prediction about your relationship with this person. In the example of Samantha and Alexander, there are 10 remaining letters.
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Count through the letters of "FLAME." You may want to write down the word FLAME to help ensure your prediction is accurate. Move through the letters in the word "FLAME" one at a time until your count reaches the total number of leftover letters that you found previously.
- After you have counted the 5 letters of "FLAME," you can continue counting from 6 to 10 starting again at "F" and ending at "E," if needed. If you have more than 10 leftover letters, repeat the process a third time, starting with "F."
Whichever letter you end on will provide you the answer for the kind of relationship you can look forward to with the person whose name you are using. In the example of Samantha and Alexander, 10 letters remained after crossing out shared letters. Counting through the letters of "FLAME" twice makes the 10^th letter "E."
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Analyze your future relationship. You can now use the acronym "FLAME" to figure out just what the future holds for your and this other person. Match the letter you ended on with the following meaning of each letter of the word "FLAME":^{[4]
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- F= Friendship
- L= Love
- A= Affection
- M= Marriage
- E= Enemies

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Playing a FLAME Alternative

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This game is much like FLAME. It is also random but can be played with friends for fun or to explore your true feelings for someone. The romantic twinge you feel deep down when you select that certain someone could mean your feelings for that person as more than a friend. To play this game you'll need a blank piece of paper and a pen or pencil.
On one side of your paper, you should write two lists of people: one male and the other female. These lists should have an equal number of people and can even include famous people if you want to have fun!
On the back of your paper, write a list of simple actions. You can include as many or as few actions as you wish, some examples of actions include a hug, shaking hands, poking, and waving.
You can do this in many different ways, but you'll want to fold your paper so that your lists are hidden from view. Try folding your paper in half three times - depending on where you've written your list, this kind of fold might work for you.
Now that your paper is folded so that your lists can't be seen, blank parts of your paper should be all that are visible. On the side that is face-up, draw a button and label it "Button", "The Button", or "Push."
Ask a friend who is willing to play to "push the button" and, when she does, open your paper to the side with your lists of people. Be careful that you do not show your friend any of your lists. You should keep your lists of people and actions secret.
You should ask your friend what gender she wants to choose for this round of "Push the Button." When she has chosen either "Boy" or "Girl," you should ask her to choose a number. This is the subject or the person you will be acting to/on.
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Determine the action and tell your friend. Now that you know the "who" you and your friend need to find out what will happen to that person. Turn to your action list and ask your friend to choose a number. Once she does, you will tell her what she is going to do and who she will do it to!
- For example, if your friend chose the name "Alex" and the action "shake hands," Once these decisions have been made you would tell her, "You are going to... shake hands with Alex!"

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How should I feel if we ended up being enemies on Flame?

Community Answer

Remember that it is just for fun and you aren't really enemies.

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Do we write first names only, or surnames also?

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It doesn't really matter, you can have more fun with your complete name. It is up to you!

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Can I play it my own way?

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Yes, you can. Just be sure the rules make sense!

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Tips

Try it with different variations of names. You may get different results.

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This is pretty fun in a group setting, where you can giggle about it.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

For alternative flame games, tailor your male/female name lists to the players' relationship status. Having significant others mixed in could spark jealousy if certain combos keep getting drawn!
Have fun but don't take FLAME predictions too seriously or let them damage real relationships! These games randomly match names and actions. Base connections on true feelings, not just letters.
When playing flame games, openly communicate to ensure all players are comfortable with the suggested actions and name combinations. Don't pressure anyone into uncomfortable matches.
When tallying leftover letters, remember to stop counting on the letter you land on in FLAME, don't continue crossing out all duplicates. The first match predicts your relationship.
To include last names in FLAME, stack both first and surnames vertically, then cross out duplicate letters top to bottom. Using full names provides more letters to count from.

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Warnings

Don't take the results of this game too seriously. Though thinking about a potential relationship with someone can help you understand your feelings for that person, this is only a game.^{[5]
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