What's the Difference Between Friendship and Love?

Download Article

Could your BFF really be the love of your life?

Co-authored by Cherlyn Chong and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: November 5, 2024 Fact Checked

Download Article

Love & Friendship Differences

|

Signs You're in Love

|

Sharing Your Feelings

|

Expert Q&A

|

Tips

If you're trying to figure out the real difference between love and friendship, you're not alone. When you've been friends with someone for years, the lines can really blur and the differences might not be so cut and dried. Read on to learn the main differences between these feelings, as well as signs you might actually be in love with your best friend and what to do if you are.

Love Vs. Friendship

When you have strong feelings for someone you also feel emotionally bonded with, the lines between love and friendship can become blurred. The biggest difference, though, is that love comes with romantic and sexual attraction combined with a sense of commitment that friendships typically lack.

Section 1 of 3:

Differences between Love and Friendship

Download Article

1
People in love have romantic feelings for each other. Generally speaking, you're not going to act romantic with your friends. Even if you kiss or hug them, it just has a different vibe than it would if you were being romantic. That being said, different people define romance in different ways, although usually physical affection is involved.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Terms of endearment might be a factor as well. For example, you might call a friend "babe" but not "baby." This is really up to what you feel comfortable with.
- If you're on the aromantic spectrum, this might not be a good indicator for you—especially if you tend to not feel romantic attraction at all or aren't even sure what romantic attraction feels like.
- If you have romantic feelings for someone but aren't interested in them sexually, you might consider a queerplatonic relationship, which is essentially a romantic friendship (although each couple defines their relationship a little bit differently).^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
2
Physical and sexual attraction play a role in love. While you might believe a friend is attractive, you're not necessarily thinking about how great your bodies would feel together. Even if you have a friend "with benefits," you're still not thinking about them in the same way you would if you were in love with them.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might look at someone you love in a new dress and imagine how sexy it will look when you take it off later. With a friend, on the other hand, you might simply note that the new dress flatters their figure.
- As with romantic feelings, people who are asexual might still be in love with someone but not feel sexually attracted to them, and that's okay! That doesn't change the fact that they're in love.
Advertisement
3
People in love have a greater commitment to each other than friends. When you get together with a romantic interest, the two of you have the mutual intention of creating a partnership and tackling life together. While you might feel that way about your bestie when it comes to some things, you're likely not planning on making your major life choices together.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- This commitment also means that you consider your romantic partner's opinion in a way that you wouldn't necessarily consider a friend's.
- For example, if you got a job offer that required you to move to another city, you would likely consult your romantic partner before taking the offer. With your friend, you'd likely simply tell them that you took the job.
4
Love feels more intense than friendship. Love is almost always described as an intense feeling, although the types of intensity people mean might differ. Friendship, on the other hand, isn't usually described that way. Love is more like a burning passion, and that's not a fire that's normally stoked between friends.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- You tend to tell people about your love a lot, too, while you wouldn't normally gush on and on about a close friend.
- Because the love you feel for a friend tends to build over time and with familiarity, you don't get that intense burst all at once like you might with a new romantic interest.
5
People in love tend to view their relationship as exclusive. This doesn't necessarily mean monogamy (although it often does). Most people, especially in Western societies, believe that they can only be in love with one person at a time. On the other hand, you can be friends with as many people as you want—and you'd likely be annoyed if a friend insisted that you could only be friends with them.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- This isn't about labels, either—you might be exclusive without officially being partners, for example.
- Ultimately, friendship assumes that you have other friends, while in a romantic relationship, there are no such assumptions.
6
Love typically features deeper intimacy than friendship. This can mean physical intimacy, but it means emotional intimacy, too. While there might be some things that you wouldn't share with your friends, in a healthy relationship you would feel comfortable sharing those things with the person you loved.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Emotional support is something that both friends and romantic partners can provide for you. There might be some issues that you feel more comfortable talking about with a friend and others you feel more comfortable reaching out to your romantic partner.
- While it's true that your friendship might be as emotionally intimate as any romantic relationship, some of the other differences might come out on the other side. For example, you might be emotionally intimate but lack any commitment to each other.
7
People in love lead interdependent lives. While it's possible that you and your BFF are joined at the hip, it's not quite the same as the interdependence you experience with a life partner. When you join your life with another person, literally every choice you make potentially affects them—this typically isn't the case with a friendship.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- When you're in love with someone, you also might have the sense that their challenges and struggles are your challenges and struggles too (even if they'll ultimately have to face them on their own).
- When something happens to someone who you're in love with, you might feel as though it happened to you too. While it's possible for friends to be that deeply connected, it's not super common.

Section 2 of 3:

Signs You Might Be in Love with a Friend

Download Article

1
You can't stop thinking about them. No, seriously, you've probably thought about them at least a couple of times since you started reading this article. You were probably thinking about them when you ran the search that brought you to this article. If this person is the first and last thing you think about as well as every other thought in between, you might be in love with them. Research shows that people in love spend as much as 85% of their waking hours thinking about the person they're in love with.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source

PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source}
- Another way you'll notice this is that everything you see seems to remind you of the person. For example, you might walk into your neighborhood café and their favorite song is playing overhead. Then the barista is wearing a purple scrunchy, which is their favorite color. Then the barista asks if you want a grande and their favorite size is grande.
2
You do things with them that you don't do with other people. This sign is a little tough to pin down exactly because it depends on you. Basically, think about the way you normally act around other people, then think about how you act around this friend you think you're in love with. Notice any differences? They could be an indication that you're in love.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might be pretty standoffish and avoid physical affection around other people but find that when you get around them you want to be as close to them as possible.
3
You get jealous when they talk about someone else. You know, that twinge you get in the pit of your stomach when your friend starts talking about flirting or hooking up with someone else. It might be a little embarrassing because it feels petty, but it's actually just a totally normal sign that you're developing a romantic interest in your friend.
- This relates to the fact that romantic feelings are exclusive by nature. Since you have insecurity about your feelings, that translates to seeing other romantic interests in your friend's life as a threat.
4
You feel physically different around them. The physical sensations of someone who is in love are actually not all that different from someone who's addicted to a substance, as it turns out. Does your stomach flutter when they're around? Can you feel the blood rush to your face when they catch you looking at them? Does your heart race if their skin brushes yours? You might be falling in love with them.^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source

PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source}
- This can be reflected in your mind as well. You might find that your thoughts are racing whenever you're around them, that you forget what you're going to say as soon as you open your mouth, or that you find yourself suddenly stuttering and stumbling over your words.
- If this person has been friends with you for a long time, this might be kind of a sudden thing that feels a little weird to you. Just think of it as a new feeling to experience—you can let it go if it doesn't suit you.
5
You think everything about them is amazing. Even though you love your friends, you likely know they aren't perfect. You know each other's flaws and accept them—that's part of what makes you such great friends. But if you're in love with someone, they don't have any flaws in your mind—everything about them is the coolest thing you've ever heard.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- You might find yourself talking about them or bragging on them a lot—they're just so wonderful that you want to make sure everybody knows about them.
6
You put in extra effort around them. It seems that, all of a sudden, you want to get a little more dressed up if you think that certain friend of yours is going to be there. Maybe you linger in the shower or take a little longer with your hair—whatever it is, it shows that you care about making yourself attractive to them.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you know they're going to be at a mutual friend's birthday party, you might make sure you're wearing that shirt they complimented.
7
You often imagine a future with them. While you don't necessarily imagine a future without your friends, you don't necessarily include them either. You can tell that you're starting to think of someone romantically if you're starting to imagine what the future would look like with them as your partner.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- For example, if you want to have kids, you might catch yourself imagining what you and your friend would look like as parents and what your children together would look like.
- Because you're starting to imagine what life with that friend as your partner might look like, you might find yourself asking your friend more questions about their internal life and having more emotionally intimate conversations.^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

Section 3 of 3:

Telling Your Friend That You Love Them

Download Article

1
Talk to other people about your situation. It can be really difficult to be objective about your own life. Close friends or family members can give you different perspectives and might even be able to point out things that you hadn't noticed. They can also provide emotional support.
- If you're having difficulty figuring out if something is love or friendship, for example, you might ask your friends what they think it is. If all of your friends come down on one side, that's definitely something to consider.
- For example, a friend might tell you that the person you're falling in love with is actually sneaking glances at you when you're not paying attention. Then, another friend might tell you that they talk about you a lot when you're not around.
- You might consider talking to a therapist too. They can help you sort through your feelings and differentiate between love and friendship in your own life.
2
Flirt a little to get a sense of their feelings for you. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters before you dive into the deep end. If you're falling in love with a friend and aren't even sure if they see you that way, a little flirtation can help you find out. Studies show your behavior can spark attraction.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- In addition to physical flirtation, don't forget to flirt with your words! For example, you might start calling them "babe" or "darling" instead of "bro" or "dude."
- If your friend seems receptive to your flirtation or even flirts back, consider that a green light to keep going in that direction.
- On the other hand, if your friend seems to ignore your efforts to flirt or brushes them off, they could be sending you a message that they're not interested in you in that way.
- While it's usually better to address things directly, if you flirt a little you can have a better idea of what to expect going into that conversation.
3
Arrange some time for a conversation with the other person. This doesn't need to be any big deal—you might just meet them for coffee or ice cream or something. The important thing is that the two of you will be alone together with minimal distractions and at least some reasonable expectation of privacy.
- You don't necessarily even need to tell them that you need to talk to them. Just set it up as a friendly hangout.
- For example, you might say, "I feel like we don't get to spend any time one-on-one since football season started. Wanna grab ice cream between games on Sunday?"
- Even if your friend didn't seem receptive to your flirting, you might still want to arrange this meetup. There's a chance they missed your hints or that your flirtation was a bit too subtle.
4
Tell the other person how you feel. Here it is, the moment of truth. Don't worry about putting them on the spot. Chances are, if you got to this point, your friend has at least an inkling about how you feel (even if they pretend to be caught off-guard)—just spit it out! Confess your feelings, but stress that you value your friendship first and foremost and, no matter what, you don't want anything to harm that.
- For example, you might say, "I've always loved you as a friend and we've been through a lot together. But lately, I've started thinking about you in a different way. Have you ever thought about you and me, you know, getting together? As a couple?"
5
Decide what to do based on their response. Give your friend a minute to process what you said if they need it, then listen. Address any concerns they raise and talk about the thoughts you've had as well. Ideally, the two of you can come up with a plan together.
- If you're both romantically attracted to each other, you might decide that you're both on board to start dating.
- On the other hand, your friend might not want to change the dynamic of your relationship. They might be worried about losing the friendship if there's conflict in the romantic relationship, or they might just not feel the same way about you.
- If you have feelings for a friend that aren't reciprocated, it's usually a good idea to take a week or two apart. That'll give those emotions time to calm down so that you can go back to being friends like normal.

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

What do you do when you fall in love with your best friend?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Talk to them to find out if they feel the same way about you. First, try acting a little flirty toward them. If they flirt back, then they may have feelings for you. The person you love should also be a good best friend to you!

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 10 Helpful 43
Question

There's this guy who has liked me for the past two years. I hate him, lol, although he has always been nice to me. My brain finally told me that I like him, but I only want to be friends w/ him. What should I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Tell him directly that you only want to be friends with him, and avoid leading him on. Openly discuss your feelings with him, being completely honest. Then allow him to share his feelings as well. At first, it may hurt him to hear this. However, honesty will be better in the long-term. He will be able to move on to someone new who can give him a fulfilling relationship, rather than hoping that things will work out with you.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 11 Helpful 27
Question

It's really difficult to know as he's one of those types of guys that have trouble expressing emotions unless he's in a group. Yet he acts like I'm special to him. Could he really like me back? He's autistic like me.

Community Answer

If he has trouble expressing his emotions, you may have to ask him directly how he feels about you. If he acts like you are special to him, there's a good possibility he likes you too.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 10 Helpful 68

See more answers

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

You Might Also Like

Reader Videos

Tips

Neither love nor friendship is better, more serious, or more important than the other. Both feelings are equally important for people to thrive and feel loved and supported.^{[17]
X
Research source}

Thanks
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
Love and friendship can evolve in the other direction as well. What started out as a loving romantic partnership can evolve into a purely platonic friendship.

Thanks
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If you're in a sour friendship, give yourself some time and space to reflect on the friendship. Taking time away can help you get perspective and learn how to fix the situation you're both in.
Some people are naturally flirty. If they do it with you, you may have to watch out. They could be unintentionally leading you on.
It's okay to fall in love with a friend, just don't push them if they don't reciprocate your feelings.

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!