How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

Co-authored by Nicole Moore

Last Updated: June 5, 2024 Approved

VIDEO

Whether you're in a relationship already or admiring someone from afar, sorting out your feelings for someone can be a real challenge. While there's no clear, foolproof way to make the distinction for someone else, you can at least make the distinction clearer for yourself. Follow these steps to know the difference between love, infatuation, and lust, and remember to be honest with yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Recognizing True Love

Download Article

You care for this person even knowing their faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn't flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} There is no way to make a person love you, although actions do speak louder than words. If you are the one always giving and getting very little in return, you might consider asking a trusted friend or family member, one with your best interests at heart, what they see. Most of the time those on the outside are more likely to see things that you don't because love is blind.^{[2]
X
Research source}
You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.^{[3]
X
Research source}

Advertisement
You have known the person for a long time, and you can't imagine life without them. You want to know everything about the person and want to spend time getting to know them on a deeper level.^{[4]
X
Research source}
Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can't wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you've had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love. You have mutual respect for each other.^{[5]
X
Research source}
When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you are able to find some common ground.^{[6]
X
Research source} No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it's painful. Even if you don't agree with your partner you will always take their side and defend them in front of your family and friends.
6
Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You feel comfortable with your partner, and you feel a strong bond of trust. They should feel like your partner, in that marriage or moving in together feels natural because life is better with them. Your family and friends should know all about the person, and you have the reflex to stand up and protect the person from any nay-sayers. ^{[7]
X
Research source}
- When you actually love someone there is usually a steady building of positive feelings toward that person over time.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Knowing if You're Infatuated

Download Article

When you experience infatuation, your mind is consumed by thoughts of the other person. You're thinking not only about the other person but also about how you want to reveal yourself to the other person. You have an idealized vision of what this person is like, and your vision may or may not be accurate.
Instead of feeling secure, you are thinking more about how to impress the other person. Your focus is on how to get the other person to like you, and you feel nervous because you don't know how the other person feels.^{[9]
X
Research source}
Your relationship is pretty new, and while you're constantly thinking about the other person, you're not confident that they have what it takes to go the distance.^{[10]
X
Research source}
You think constantly about the way that the person smiles, the way they say your name or the way that your partner looks at you. You think obsessively about these details, and you try to decide how the person feels about you based on these somewhat trivial qualities.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
5
Look at how you handle conflict. The person you like disagrees with you, and you wonder if the relationship is over. You wonder whether you know the person at all or whether your impressions have been wrong all along.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Reader Poll: We asked 1195 wikiHow readers how they would handle conflicts in their relationships, and 54% said they would work through it until they found a resolution. [Take Poll]
6
Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You want to ask the person to date exclusively, but you're nervous about what they might say. You're afraid that asking for commitment may frighten the person away. Your feelings aren't deep enough for love; you're probably more in the realm of infatuation.
- With infatuation your feelings can also change very quickly. In one moment you can feel madly in love with someone and then the second they don’t give you what you want, call you back in time or return a text, you can turn to hating them very quickly.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Realizing When You're Feeling Hot, Bothered and in Lust

Download Article

If you're looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you're treating the person like a thing, and you're probably experiencing lust.^{[14]
X
Research source}
Security isn't important to you; you're more interested in the score and in how great it feels to be physical together. After you get what you want, you can take or leave the other person.
You're trying to figure out what you have to do to get this person to invite you up for a nightcap.
Who cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle of bickering, fighting and drama. The sex is great, but it's not worth the baggage, unless it's make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.^{[15]
X
Research source}

Comparison Chart

Love vs. Lust Comparison Chart

Join the Discussion...

What does it feel like to be in love?

29

WikiCloudDancer332

I don't think I've ever been in love before, but I know it's supposed to be the best feeling in the world. What does it feel like? How do you kno... Read More

5

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach

I believe with every fiber that it is a matter of biochemical response. When we "fall in love," there is something that happens inside of us that... Read More

15

WikiLionWhisperer670

Wow, where do I even start. When you're in love, your partner is all you can think about. You wake up thinking about them, find yourself daydream... Read More

See all 58 Replies and

Read Discussion

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

What are the signs of infatuation?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

A key factor in infatuation is having strong feelings for someone else without knowing a lot about who they actually are. With infatuation, you typically feel a very excited yet unsteady and ungrounded feeling. You feel like your head is in the clouds and like this person can do no wrong, when in reality, you don't really know much about them.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 10 Helpful 116
Question

How do I know if I'm actually in love?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

When you actually love someone, you have seen all sides to them. You've seen them at the best and in their lower moments and you still choose them. Real love has an undercurrent of peace to it—you feel excited about the other person and happy when you see or speak to them, but you don't feel on a high that can come crashing down at any moment.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 12 Helpful 71
Question

Why would my boyfriend stay with me if he doesn't get sex?

Community Answer

A good boyfriend will know that there's more to a relationship than sex. If he loves you and cares about you, sex shouldn't be the most important thing. If your boyfriend is pressuring you for sex, you should find someone else.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 26 Helpful 327

See more answers

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Video

Read Video Transcript

Tips

If there's an argument between you and your partner, give each other some space and time to think afterwards, because if you ask questions in the heat of the moment, you'll most likely get answers you don't like (meaning your partner will say things they don't mean).^{[16]
X
Research source}

Thanks
Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
True love means having great feelings towards someone without sex involved although the two are not mutually exclusive.^{[17]
X
Research source}

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 1
Know that there will be bumps in the road, but if you're truly in love, it won't matter, because you'll face them as a team.

Thanks
Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0

Show More Tips

Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely like your mate, you're going to be miserable.
Carefully study your compatibility before committing. You can still go to couples counseling before needing it to save time.

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

Warnings

Even if you think you love the other person, if that person doesn't return your feelings, don't waste time hoping that your love interest changes their mind. You'll have other opportunities to find someone who is ready to create a real and lasting partnership.

Thanks
Helpful 64 Not Helpful 9