PDF download Download Article PDF download Download Article

You want your boyfriend’s mother to like you just as much as you want to like her. Maybe you are meeting her for the first time and are nervous about impressing her. Or maybe you’ve already met her, and need to try again after a rocky start. Utilize good manners, people skills, and thoughtfulness, and you can be on your way to developing a good relationship with his mum.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Making a Great First Impression

PDF download Download Article
  1. Ask your boyfriend to tell you about his mum. Find out her background, her hobbies, conversation suggestions, what to avoid talking about… everything you can learn about her! Go into your first encounter knowing what to expect. Here are some things you might want to find out:[1]
    • Where she grew up
    • What she does/did for a living
    • Hobbies and interests
    • Food preferences (if your first meeting will involve a meal)
    • Definite conversation no-nos (don’t bring up dogs if she recently lost her beloved pet)
  2. Say hello with a pleasant smile and a friendly tone of voice. Make good eye contact when you greet her — don't look at the ground or avoid her gaze. Shake hands (or even give her a hug, if she’s the hugging type), but do not feel compelled to do anything you are not comfortable doing.
    Advertisement
  3. It does not have to be anything fancy, nor should it be anything too personal.[2] If you bring a food item, make sure she doesn’t have any food allergies. Some ideas include:
    • Flowers
    • Chocolates or candy
    • A bottle of wine (find out from your boyfriend beforehand if she drinks alcohol)
    • A regional food specialty unique to your area
    • Homemade baked goods
    • Something you made, if you are crafty or artistic
  4. Dress appropriately. While you shouldn't try to hide who you are, it might be a good idea to dress on the conservative side when you first meet her. You shouldn't feel like you're being fake or hiding too much of your personality — if you are proud of your tattoos, don't feel you need to cover them up — but try and present yourself in the best possible light.[3]
    • Keep your makeup simple and subtle, if you wear it.
    • Make sure your hair isn’t in your face. You will look more confident.
  5. Have good manners. While good manners aren’t necessarily memorable, bad manners will stand out. Smile, be polite, and make sure your table manners are on point. No chewing with your mouth open![4]
    • Watch your language. The first meeting is not the time to let your boyfriend’s mother know you curse like a sailor!
    • Pay compliments. While you don’t want to come across as insincere or ingratiating, a well-timed, genuine compliment will be appreciated. For example, if his mum has a beautiful home, you can compliment her taste and say, “I think Greg is a great decorator, too. He must have inherited your good taste!”
  6. Public Displays of Affection are not appropriate for the first time you meet a parent. Remember that PDA might make his parents uncomfortable, just as seeing his parents' PDA might be uncomfortable for you. This time is for you to begin developing a relationship with your boyfriend’s mum, not about you and your boyfriend. Hands off for a few hours![5]
  7. She is meeting her son’s significant other and likely wants to make a good impression on you. Smile and help her feel at ease.
  8. Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Having Good Conversations

PDF download Download Article
  1. Most people enjoy talking about themselves. People tend to have a better impression of the listener when the listener gives them lots of opportunity to share their stories.[6]
    • Find out about her background and let her tell her favorite stories.[7] She will likely enjoy retelling a favorite story for a new audience.
  2. When some people get nervous, they have a tendency to blab on and on. If you are one of those people, find a way to keep yourself in check.
    • For example, you may want to have your boyfriend pay attention to your conversation, and come up with a signal (coughing, pulling his ear) if you are talking too much.
    • You can also keep an eye out for behavioral gestures that indicate the listeners is losing interest, such as looking away, or gestures that indicate the listener can't get a word in, like them opening their mouth to says something but then stopping.
  3. Learn about her hobbies ahead of time from your boyfriend. If you have something in common, come prepared with some stories of your own.
    • Do you both love to travel? Have her share some of her trips with you, and ask for her advice. For example, “Mike told me you went to Italy last year. I’ve never been there. Which cities did you visit?”
    • If you both enjoy watching football, talk about your favorite team or recent games.
  4. Now is not the time to be the authority on everything. Do your best to keep the peace and maintain a positive impression.
    • Stick to neutral topics. Now is not the time to bring up religion, politics, or your ex-boyfriends, for example.
    • Try building on the statement you disagree with in order to continue the conversation. Maybe you don’t agree with her assessment that “everyone is glued to their phones these days.” Instead of disagreeing and letting her statement hang there, you could say, “I always feel like I need to have my phone with me. I have so much important information on it!”
    • Change the subject if you are worried you will get into an argument.
  5. She’ll enjoy telling stories about him, and as a bonus, you both share a common interest!
    • Have her tell you stories about what he was like as a child.
    • Ask her about family traditions, like holidays and favorite recipes.
  6. Don’t be a know-it-all when it comes to your boyfriend. She’s known him his whole life, and you’ve known him for a few months.[8]
    • Don’t correct her about his preferences. If his mother serves him scrambled eggs, and you know for a fact he only likes his eggs poached right now, don’t say anything. He can let her know.
    • Keep your nose out of your boyfriend and his mother’s relationship. They have their own dynamic and their own ways of relating. You might not like her nitpicky criticism of her son, but that is up to him to address with her, not you.
  7. Make sure it is not directed at her and that it doesn’t cross the line into inappropriate territory. You will have to figure out her sense of humor and how far you can stretch yours.
    • Jokes about sex, religion, and politics should be avoided. Jokes that are overly sarcastic or put people down will likely not leave her with a favorable impression.
  8. Advertisement
Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Being Thoughtful

PDF download Download Article
  1. Ask her to join you and your boyfriend for brunch, a trip to a museum, or another non-romantic date. She may not accept, but it always feels good to receive an invitation!
  2. Keep your eyes open and look for ways to further develop your relationship with her. For example, if she loves art, and you see a notice for a special exhibit, let her know about it.
  3. She’ll appreciate the effort you are putting into the relationship to further your conversations. Go with whatever common ground you can find, even if it’s something as small as a mutual love of a TV show.
    • For example, “So have you started rewatching Downton Abbey? I think I’m going to; I miss it so much! Who was your favorite character on it again?”
  4. People love to be needed and helpful. Learn her areas of expertise and ask for help in them.[9]
    • For example, if she is a terrific baker, ask her to suggest an easy recipe you could learn so you could improve your baking.
    • If she loves gardening, ask to see her garden and for suggestions for plants you could grow.
  5. Do the dishes after dinner at her house, bring a side dish to a family meal, or take out the trash. She may say you don’t need to do anything, and if so, take her at her word.[10]
    • If you are having a hard time talking to her, doing a chore may also get you a break from your conversation!
    • Reader Poll: We asked 799 wikiHow readers, and 53% of them agreed that the best way to make a good impression on your partner's parents is to offer to help out with cooking or cleaning. [Take Poll]
  6. Invite her to your place for dinner with you and your boyfriend. You do not need to serve an elaborate meal — you could even order food in — but put a little effort into making a nice, cozy evening for her.
  7. Advertisement
Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Getting Back in Her Good Graces

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you feel coldness or distance in the relationship, chances are she feels it, too. Don’t let resentment build up between the two of you. After all, you may be in each other’s lives for a while. Do your part to clear the air.
    • For example, you could say, “Cindy, I think we got off to a bad start. I respect you and want to have a good relationship with you. Could we try again?”
  2. Take responsibility for your behavior. If you did something to fall out of favor with your boyfriend’s mother, own up to it and apologize. Make sure you acknowledge the pain or anger you caused.[11]
    • For example, “I know I was rude when I was making fun of your driving. I know it wasn’t funny to you and it hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry.”
  3. Figure out what you can do to improve the relationship. It may be changing a small behavior, or it may mean changing up your environment.
    • For example, If you got drunk and were obnoxious around her, do not drink around her anymore. Do your best to curb an annoying behavior.
    • Maybe she is a picky eater and isn’t impressed by your culinary skills or restaurant choices. Maybe she has cat allergies and your cat was climbing all over her when she came over. You may find that her grievance disappears if she is simply in a more comfortable place.
  4. You may want to have a conversation with her without your boyfriend present. This will help keep the two of you from trying to get him to choose sides.
  5. Have your boyfriend address the problem if you do not feel like you are getting through to her. He may find it easier to talk to her, given his history and better understanding of her personality.[12]
    • This is something you should do only if you have not been successful in talking to her yourself. It is much better to handle things with her directly if you can.
  6. If all else fails, you don’t need to bend over backwards to placate her. Changing who you are for her will only make you resentful.[13] It’s okay if you do not become best buds. Just make sure you always remain polite and respectful to her; she is still an important part of your boyfriend’s life.
  7. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement

Video

Tips

Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

You Might Also Like

Differentiate Between Love and FriendshipWhat's the Difference Between Friendship and Love?
Act Around Your Girlfriend's ParentsMeeting the Parents? Here’s How to Act
What Are Some Topics to Talk About when Meeting His Parents10 Conversation Topics for Meeting His Parents and Making a Great Impression
What Should You Do if Your Parents Disapprove of Your RelationshipWhat to Do When Your Parents Disapprove of Your Relationship
What Are Some Questions to Ask Your Lover30 Romantic Questions to Ask Your Partner: Build a Deeper Connection
Meet Your Boyfriend's ParentsMeet Your Boyfriend's Parents
Go from Friends to DatingWhat to Do When You Catch Feelings for a Friend: Experts Weigh In
Meet Your Girlfriend's ParentsMeet Your Girlfriend's Parents
Deal With Your Best Friend Changing Since He Got a GirlfriendDeal With Your Best Friend Changing Since He Got a Girlfriend
Know if Your Boyfriend's Parents Like You15 Clear Signs That Your Boyfriend’s Parents Like You
Make Your Boyfriend's Parents Love YouMake Your Boyfriend's Parents Love You
Act with Your Boyfriend Around His Friends13 Expert Tips to Impress Your Boyfriend’s Friends and Win Them Over
Dress to Meet Your Boyfriend's ParentsDressing to Meet Your Boyfriend’s Parents: The Complete Guide
Be Less Dependent in a RelationshipBe Less Dependent in a Relationship
Advertisement

About This Article

John Keegan
Reviewed by:
Relationships Coach
This article was reviewed by John Keegan. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 185,742 times.
53 votes - 72%
Co-authors: 15
Updated: December 15, 2024
Views: 185,742
Article SummaryX

Winning over your boyfriend’s mum can be an uphill battle, but she’ll love you soon enough as long as you’re thoughtful and have good manners. If you’re meeting her for the first time, ask your boyfriend about her hobbies and background so you can avoid awkward conversation topics. When you talk with her, ask lots of questions and remember important facts so you can bond with her over them in the future. For example, if she loves crafts, you can let her know the next time a craft fair is in town. Consider bringing a small gift when you meet her, like flowers or homemade baked goods, to show her how thoughtful you are. Additionally, dress nicely and remember to say “please” and “thank you” whenever she’s around so she doesn’t think you’re sloppy. For more help from our co-author, like how to have a good conversation with your boyfriend’s mum, read on.

Did this summary help you?

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 185,742 times.

Reader Success Stories

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    Apr 13, 2018

    "The good examples really opened my mind, thank you!"
Share your story

Did this article help you?

Advertisement