How to Respond When Asked on a Date

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: October 2, 2023

Knowing what to say or how to act when asked on a date can be difficult. Whether you say yes or no, it can be hard to feel confident about how you’re handling the situation. You can become more self-assured when making your response by being direct, self-aware, and considerate.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Accepting the Invitation

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Make your acceptance clear. If you’re interested, respond with a clear “Yes,” instead of a vague response. If there is a schedule conflict with the date, but you’d still like to accept, make sure to give them a specific alternative time when you’ll be available. “I’m busy that day,” can be mistaken for a lack of interest, so make sure to let them know the next day you’re free.
- You can accept and then ask details about the date, like “I’d love to go. Would you like to ride together or would you like for me to meet you there?”
- You can agree and then express enthusiasm, such as, “I’ve been wanting to go see that movie! Everyone’s been telling me how awesome it is.”
- If you can’t make it, you can let them know you’re still interested by saying something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry, I already have plans for that night. I am free Saturday if you’d like to go then?”
- If they don't specify where to go on a date, recommend somewhere that you're both familiar and comfortable with.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
Maintain eye contact, smile, and keep your stance open.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist

Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} Laughing and a light touch can also help demonstrate that you’re interested in them. Avoid looking away, frowning, or crossing your arms. All of the above send the message that while you agreed to go on the date, you might not be looking forward to it.^{[3]
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Follow through with the date. Try your best not to be late or cancel. No one likes being the person waiting in the restaurant alone. It can also hurt your opportunities for a second date if you leave them hanging too long or all together. If something comes up, be sure to call them as soon as possible, apologize, and offer a specific time to reschedule.
- Find your own way to and from the date so you don't have to rely on the other person for a ride.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Declining Politely

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Decline the invitation firmly. Don't be afraid to say "No." If you aren’t interested, don’t make the mistake of giving them false hope. “I have plans that night,” can be mistaken for, “Try again.” To avoid leading them on, make sure you make it clear you aren’t looking to be asked a second time.
- Instead of coming up with an schedule excuse, say “Thank you so much, but I don’t feel that way about you.”
- Instead of telling them you are unsure, say “I respect you, and I don’t want to lead you on. I’m not interested in being romantically involved.”^{[5]
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Empathize with the person who invited you. While your “No,” should be clear, do your best to be as polite and considerate as possible. Don’t mock or laugh at them, and try to let them know you understand it takes courage to ask someone on a date. Nobody enjoys rejection or embarrassment.
- Try to give them a compliment with the rejection by telling them, “You seem like a great a person, but I’m just not interested in you romantically.”
- Let them know you understand it takes bravery to ask for date by responding with something like, “I’m not interested in a date, but I appreciate you having the courage to ask!”
- Let them know you take it as a compliment, such as, “I’m extremely flattered that you would ask me on a date, but I don’t think of you in that way.”
While it might be tempting, it is best to resist the urge to talk to your friend group, coworkers, etc. about it. Not only can it hurt the person you rejected, it can also reflect poorly on you.^{[6]
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Don’t end the conversation immediately after rejecting them. Try to change the subject to something else. Making conversation about a different topic can help to ease the embarrassment. It can also help demonstrate your willingness to still be friendly with them even though you aren’t romantically interested. ^{[7]
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Tips

If you don’t feel strongly one way or another towards someone who asks you on the date, consider giving them a chance. They just might surprise you!

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If a guy asks you out, it's okay if you want time to think about your answer. Don't be afraid to ask when, what you'd do, and where you would go before responding.
Writing a letter to the person explaining why you don't want to go on a date may help let the person down softly and help you stay friends.

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