This article was co-authored by Catherine Boswell, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano. Dr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
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When someone directs a passive-aggressive comment your way, you may find yourself upset or angry. While passive-aggressive behavior isn’t fun to be on the other side of, there are ways you can respond to the comment and stop the behavior. Staying focused on the present moment, active listening, and using humor or only just some examples. Read on to learn how you can be more assertive and cleverly express your thoughts to redirect passive-aggressive behavior and comments.
Things You Should Know
- Address passive-aggressive comments with clear language and a calm tone to express your feelings without escalating the situation.
- Tell a joke or silly comment to help diffuse tension and move the conversation along.
- Use “I” statements when addressing passive-aggressive behavior to avoid putting blame on anyone else.
Steps
References
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/passive-aggressive
- ↑ Catherine Boswell, PhD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_stop_passive_aggression_from_ruining_your_relationship
- ↑ Catherine Boswell, PhD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/202010/5-ways-deal-passive-aggressive-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201501/6-tips-dealing-passive-aggressive-people
- ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201807/composure
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201501/6-tips-dealing-passive-aggressive-people
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_stop_passive_aggression_from_ruining_your_relationship
- ↑ Catherine Boswell, PhD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you answer a passive aggressive question?Catherine Boswell, PhDDr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
Licensed PsychologistWhen you're on the receiving end of passive aggressiveness, the tendency is often to be on the defensive—to "take the bait." It's best to practice responding in a non-confrontational way, which you can do by imagining (or journaling through) a blind-siding insult and your non-aggressive result. -
QuestionWhat is the cause of passive aggressive behavior?Catherine Boswell, PhDDr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
Licensed PsychologistOne of the reasons people act in a passive-aggressive manner (though it's rarely conscious) is because it confuses the person being criticized. That, in turn, protects the person doing the criticizing. -
QuestionHow do you deal with a passive aggressive person?Catherine Boswell, PhDDr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
Licensed PsychologistStick with what you know: that your feelings have been hurt. Avoid feeling guilty, needy, or too anxious, and resist the urge to somehow help or appease this person. On the other hand, avoid the wish to get even. You can't change someone else—only your own responses and behaviors.
Tips
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Remember, even though you may not be able to change other people’s behaviors, you can change your own.[11]Thanks
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If passive-aggressive comments occur within a relationship, consider seeking couples counseling to improve communication.Thanks