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When you find out that someone’s being cheated on, the last thing you want is to get swept up in the drama. Figuring out how to let someone know without them finding out who you are can help relieve your conscience without dragging you into any uncomfortable situations. In this article, we’ll help you decide whether or not you should tell someone they’re being cheated on and give you some clever ideas for how to do it anonymously.

Section 1 of 3:

Should I tell someone if they’re being cheated on?

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  1. If your close friend is being cheated on, telling them might be the right thing to do. After all, if you were in their position, you'd want a close friend to tell you too, right? On the other hand, if it's someone you don't know very well (or a total stranger), you might be more reluctant to say something. You may not know the whole situation and not want to get involved. Or, you might feel compelled to say something even if you don't know the person. It's up to you and what you feel is right (and would want if you were in their shoes).[1]
  2. If you’ve just heard a rumor or you think your friend is being cheated on by their partner, you need to make absolutely sure. Otherwise, you could be ruining a relationship that’s actually completely fine—and being accused of cheating is hard to come back from.[2]
    • If you aren’t totally positive that someone is getting cheated on, consider talking to the person who you think is cheating. You can give them a chance to either straighten things out or come clean to their partner on their own.
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Anonymously Tell Someone They’re Being Cheated On

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  1. If you have your friend’s email address, you can send them an anonymous message from a burner email. Create a fake email account that doesn’t use your name or any identifying information, like “Anonymous123@gmail.com.” Then, send your friend an email with details about the cheating and what’s going on.
  2. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be used to send someone a direct message. Create an anonymous account that doesn’t use your real name, and keep the profile picture and the bio blank. Then, send the person a message letting them know that their partner is unfaithful.
  3. Write out what’s going on in a note, then put your friend’s address on the envelope. Put a stamp on it, but don’t put a return address in the corner. When your friend gets the letter, they won’t know who it’s from, and your identity will be safe.
    • If your friend might recognize your handwriting, consider typing and printing the letter instead.
  4. You can hide your phone number so that your caller ID remains anonymous. Simply type *67, then your friend’s number right after it. When you call them, your name won’t show up, and you can tell them the message anonymously.
    • Keep in mind that if the person you’re talking to can recognize your voice, they might figure out that it’s you.
  5. If you know the person’s phone carrier (like Verizon, AT&T, etc.), you can send them a text message from a fake email address. Create an email that doesn’t contain any identifying information, then figure out what phone carrier your friend has. Take their phone number and put it in the “To” box of the email, then add in the carrier domain. For instance, if your friend’s number was 502-555-6678 and their carrier was Verizon, you would type, “5025556678@vtext.com.” Common carriers include:[3]
    • AT&T – @txt.att.net (SMS), @mms.att.net (MMS)
    • Verizon – @vtext.com (SMS), @vzwpix.com (MMS)
    • T-Mobile – @tmomail.net
    • Sprint – @messaging.sprintpcs.com
    • Alltel – @message.alltel.com
    • Boost Mobile – @myboostmobile.com
    • Cricket – @sms.mycricket.com, @mms.mycricket.com
    • Metro PCS – @mymetropcs.com
    • Nextel – @messaging.nextel.com
    • SunCom – @tms.suncom.com
    • US Cellular – @email.uscc.net
    • VoiceStream – @voicestream.net
  6. Apps like Signal, Text Me Up, and Phoner will block your number so that you can send anonymous texts. Download the apps or log on online, then enter in your friend’s phone number. They’ll get an anonymous text detailing what you know, and they’ll never find out that it was you.[4]
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Tell Someone They’re Being Cheated on in Person

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  1. Sending an anonymous note is fine, but telling someone that they’re getting cheated on is not an easy task. If you know this person well or you care about them, consider contacting them and meeting up in-person. That way, they can ask you questions about what you know and you can explain things a little better for clarity.[5]
  2. Tell them what you know, and try not to embellish or overstate anything. You want to tell them exactly what you saw or heard, but nothing else. If you have any proof, feel free to include that as well.[6]
    • For instance, you might say, “Jeremy, I saw your wife out at a bar with another man. It didn’t look platonic, and at one point I saw them kissing. I thought you should know.”
    • Or, “I’m so sorry to say this, but I saw your husband comment on another woman’s Instagram photo. When I looked at her profile, I saw pictures of them together on vacation.”
  3. Hearing that your partner is cheating on you is never a welcome thing. When you tell them, add in things like “I’m so sorry,” and, “I understand this is hard to hear.” It may help soften the blow, at least a little bit.[7]
  4. You might assume that they want to break up with their partner, but you never know. Just tell them what happened, and don’t tell them what to do next. They’ll figure out how they’d like to handle things, so let them work through it on their own.
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About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 65,693 times.
8 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: May 2, 2022
Views: 65,693
Categories: Relationships

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 65,693 times.

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