What Are Sexual Soul Ties? Plus, How They Affect Your Life

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Signs of sexual soul ties and how to deal with them

Co-authored by Jennifer McVey, Cht and Jennifer Mueller, JD

Last Updated: October 5, 2024 Fact Checked

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• Meaning
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• Signs of a Sexual Soul Tie
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• Other Types of Soul Ties
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• Breaking a Toxic Soul Tie
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• Soul Ties Vs. Soulmates and Twin Flames
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• Is a sexual soul tie a sin?
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• Video

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Do you have a connection with someone that you just can't shake? Does it seem like, ever since you had sex with them, you can't get them out of your mind? It's possible that you've formed a sexual soul tie with them. Read on to learn the signs that you've formed a sexual soul tie and how you can break a soul tie that's turned toxic before it harms your life.

What is a sexual soul tie?

A sexual soul tie is a deep spiritual and emotional connection triggered by sex. This connection involves your body, mind, and spirit and makes you feel as though the two of you were meant to be together. While sexual soul ties usually start healthy, they can turn toxic.

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Section 1 of 6:

What are sexual soul ties and how are they formed?

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1. Generally, a sexual soul tie happens when you feel a deep connection to someone after having sex with them (usually for the first time). The act of physically uniting with another human is thought to create a deep bond that can be difficult to break. Most people don't believe that you form soul ties with every person that you have sex with, but having sex often with the same person makes it easier for a soul tie to develop.

   • From a Christian perspective, sex is more than just a physical connection; it binds two people together and that bond lasts far beyond the actual encounter. That's why Christians believe that sex should only happen between spouses.
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Section 2 of 6:

Signs of a Sexual Soul Tie

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1. 1
   You feel a profound connection with the other person. You might feel as though they complete you, or as though they can sense your thoughts and emotions. This connection seems to transcend space and time—you might believe that they were meant for you, or that you were destined to be together.

   • Signs it's turned toxic: You overlook red flags; you ignore any contradictions in their story; you convince yourself that the connection "makes up for" any negatives
2. 2
   The person brings out intense emotions in you. Because you feel so passionately about this person, any emotional reactions they trigger are ramped up to 11. As long as these are positive emotions, you have nothing at all to worry about.

   • Signs it's turned toxic: You argue with them a lot; you feel as though no one else can make you as angry as they do; one or both of you have expressed your anger physically (or threatened to express your anger physically)
3. 3
   You fantasize about the person a lot. In your mind, they're pretty much the perfect partner for you, so you constantly think about what life would be like with them. Often, these thoughts are primarily sexual. Your fantasies are typically based on an idealized version of the person you have a soul tie with, rather than who they actually are as a person.

   • Signs it's turned toxic: Your fantasies feel more real than when you're actually spending time with them; you ignore any traits they have that don't match the ideal in your mind; you use your fantasies frequently to escape reality
4. 4
   You crave their attention and approval. If the person you have a soul tie with compliments you for something, you make sure to accentuate that every time you're with them. You might feel as though you would do anything they wanted as long as they would praise you for it. You likely go out of your way to do things that you think they'll like or notice you for.

   • Signs it's turned toxic: They're persuading you to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do; you feel ashamed or embarrassed when you think back on things you've done for them; you feel like a failure unless they praise you
5. 5
   Your relationship or connection feels special or unique. You feel as though no one else has ever connected with you as deeply as this person has. Depending on your belief system, you might think that the two of you were destined to meet, that you've known each other in a previous life, or that you have a soul contract with each other. Regardless of the reason, the two of you were meant to be in each other's lives.

   • Signs it's turned toxic: You believe no one else will ever be as good for you as the person you have a soul tie with; you believe that you'll never be happy unless you're in a relationship with them; you believe they're your "one shot" at happiness with someone
6. 6
   You feel lost without them. When things start to feel a little off, you start clinging to the person you have a soul tie with because you don't want them to leave you. Your identity is very much caught up in being with them as a romantic and sexual couple.

   • Signs it's turned toxic: You can't move on after the relationship is over; you try to trick them into getting back together with you; you believe you are nothing without them
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Section 3 of 6:

Other Types of Soul Ties

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1. 1
   Protective soul ties If you go through something traumatic or life-changing, you might form a protective soul tie with someone who helps you or "rescues" you from that situation. Because you feel indebted to them, you feel as though you would do anything for them.

   • These soul ties can be healthy if you recognize them for what they are and don't try to push for something different to happen. Just remind yourself that just because this person came along at the right time doesn't mean you're destined to be together forever.
   • If a protective soul tie turns toxic, it can be very hard to break because it was formed in the midst of trauma. You might even find yourself thinking that you owe your life to this person.
2. 2
   Emotional soul ties You can have emotional soul ties with friends, family members, or romantic partners. These are people who you know you can rely on for emotional support and who are always there for you when things get tough. You know you can be honest with them and vulnerable around them and they won't hurt you because of it.

   • You could even have emotional soul ties with a beloved pet! For example, if you feel as though your pet dog is always there for you and makes you feel better when you're feeling down, you might have an emotional soul tie with your dog.
   • Some New Age Christians use the term "sexual soul ties" to refer specifically to a soul tie that is automatically created between two people who have sex.
   • Some also distinguish nonsexual physical soul ties, like those you would have with family members, while preserving sexual soul ties for spouses within the context of marriage.
   

   Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

   Seek out deep emotional connections. "The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships... which are basically a reflection of you–your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity."
3. 3
   Permanent soul ties Permanent soul ties are typically associated with marriage or a life partnership with a similar level of commitment. A couple with permanent soul ties has a strong emotional bond. They work so well together as a team that they almost seem like just one person.

   • Given that these soul ties are meant to be strong enough to last forever, they can be extremely difficult to break if the relationship happens to end.
   • For example, a wife who has permanent soul ties with her husband might find it hard to move on and start seeing anyone else for years after her husband passes away unexpectedly.
4. 4
   Spiritual soul ties With this kind of soul tie, you typically have a deep connection with someone who serves as some sort of mentor or guide. Traditionally this refers to spiritual guidance, but it could also include someone you had a profound connection with who offered you life or career advice and guidance.

   • The dynamic between you and the other person makes this type of soul tie particularly powerful—and also dangerous in the wrong hands.
   • When you have this type of soul tie with someone, you tend to look up to them and view them as having authority over you in some sense. This can make you more vulnerable to potential abuse.
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Section 4 of 6:

Breaking a Toxic Soul Tie

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1. 1
   Go complete no contact with the person. This means not only blocking them from contacting you but also removing them from your social media. You won't be able to break your soul tie if you're still able to check in on them and see what they're doing.

   • Remember that you don't have to say anything to them to go no contact—and if your relationship is toxic, it's probably better that you don't.
   • You might also decide that you just want to take a break from social media in general if you and the person have a lot of mutual friends.
2. 2
   Acknowledge the existence of the soul tie. This works really similarly to a popular addiction treatment—to treat the problem, you have to admit the problem exists. Simply saying aloud that you have a toxic soul tie with the person and you need to break it may be all that you need to do.

   • Think a little about the positive and negative aspects of this connection you have with this person. It might help to write a journal entry with a list of each.
   • Decide what you want to break or get rid of and what you want to keep and honor. Can you keep the good parts while getting rid of the bad parts? Or do you need to get rid of all of it to heal?
3. 3
   Work with a therapist or spiritual advisor. When you've had such a deep connection with someone, it can be extremely difficult to cut them out of your life for good—but it's not impossible. Psychological and spiritual professionals can help guide you through the process in a way that honors who you are as a person.

   • The idea of soul ties resonates in many different spiritual traditions, so you can likely find a spiritual advisor to help you regardless of your beliefs.
   • If you believe in angels or spirit guides, you might also call on them to help you break your toxic soul tie.
   • If you're religious, you can use prayer to break and heal from a soul tie as well.
4. 4
   Practice self-care to rebuild your self-confidence. Having a soul tie with someone often means losing part of yourself to them (and to your relationship with them)—now it's time to get that part back. Indulge in activities that make you feel happy, carefree, and joyful. Remember what it feels like to love yourself.

   • A big part of this process is reminding yourself that you are whole and valuable all on your own. You don't need someone else to complete you or to give your life meaning.
   • You might decide to start meditating or writing in a journal. Both of these activities can help you find peace and heal after breaking a soul tie.
   • Find ways to engage in activities that you feel give you purpose and meaning. Doing things that advance your core values can make you feel better about yourself.
5. 5
   Perform a ritual to symbolize breaking the soul tie. If you worked with a spiritual guide, they might have a ritual that you can use, but nearly anything will work if you take it seriously. The important part is to visualize breaking the soul tie.

   • For example, you might take a red string to symbolize the soul tie and then cut the red string in half with scissors and burn the two pieces.
   • The symbolism of a ritual gives it a lot of power to promote healing in your life—it doesn't matter if you don't literally believe parts of it.
   • If you had both a healthy and a toxic connection with the person, it might be necessary to break both of those ties to find peace.
6. 6
   Forgive the other person. Forgiveness isn't for them—it's for you. This is what allows you to move on because it means you're no longer harboring anger or resentment toward the other person for things that happened in the relationship.

   • You might find that you need to forgive yourself as well. In a toxic relationship, it's quite common for both partners to do things that they regret.
   • This doesn't necessarily mean that you can now be friends with the other person or even that you'll ever talk to them again—it just means that you're capable of moving on.
7. 7
   Get rid of things that remind you of the person. If you were in a relationship for any length of time, it's likely that you have gifts from the person or mementos of your time together. Part of your problem is that you can't stop thinking about this person, so throw out or donate anything that might bring them to mind.

   • Some traditions require you to get rid of everything related to the person, including any photos of them.
   • This includes things you can't see! Even if you gather up some sentimental items and hide them in a shoebox under your bed, you'll still know that shoebox is there—and that person will still be on your mind and a part of your life.
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Section 5 of 6:

Soul Ties Vs. Soulmates and Twin Flames

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1. Soul ties are a more general type of emotional connection. People connect with each other in many different ways depending on the context. For whatever reason, you might be closer to some people than you are to others—there's just something about them. The phrase "soul ties" can be used to describe situations like this. Soulmates and twin flames could be described as types of soul ties.

   • Soulmates and twin flames are typically a little more specific than soul ties. For example, a soulmate is usually a romantic partner.
   • The "twin flame" concept revolves around the notion that souls can be split in half and this person is (or carries) the literal other half of your soul.
   • All of these phrases refer to a type of deep, unexplainable emotional or spiritual connection with someone.

Section 6 of 6:

Is a sexual soul tie a sin?

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1. Some Christians believe sexual soul ties are ungodly. According to one strain of New Age Christian thought, a soul tie is automatically formed every time you have sex with someone. Because they believe that God only intended you to have sex with one person (your spouse), any sexual soul tie with someone other than your spouse would be ungodly.

   • Others might say that only the soul tie you form with the first person you have sex with is godly, and all the ones that come after that are ungodly.
   • Most people who believe in soul ties don't believe that you create one every time you have sex, although having sex with someone might increase the likelihood that the two of you will develop a soul tie.
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