How to Start a Text Conversation with a Stranger (10+ Texts to Reach Out)

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Last Updated: May 8, 2024 References

Feeling a little intimidated by the thought of reaching out to a total stranger online? We’ve all been there.

But when you’re staring at your phone’s keyboard wondering what to text, just remember that you’re probably better at this than you think. Pretty much everyone in your life was a stranger to you once! However, sometimes it’s tough to cut through the small talk and take the conversation to the next level.

That’s why we’ve put together a guide to help you create more exciting, more meaningful connections. Read on for 10 foolproof conversation starters for fun and flowing text conversations with new people.

1

Introduce yourself and remind them how you met.

Download Article

You don’t want them to dismiss your first message as spam. This step is particularly key if you got their number from someone else, because your contact info will show up as an unknown number. Keep your message simple, or if you met in person, add a reference to where you met.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If you’ve never talked, explain how you got their number: “Hey, it’s Sean from Econ 240. Lily gave me your number.”
- If you met in person, mention where you met: “Hi, this is Leilani from Sammi’s party!”^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- “Hey, it’s Snehika from that restaurant. I know we were just at the Spicy Burrito, but I’m definitely going back tonight.”

2

Text a joke to break the ice.

Download Article

Show off your sense of humor and get the conversation flowing. Sending something a little silly can help you feel more at ease. Pick a funny riddle or joke that gives the other person a chance to respond.
- “Why do seagulls fly over the sea?” Give them a chance to respond before texting back, “Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels, and bagels can’t fly.”
- “Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee?” Then send, “Because he drank it before it was cool.”^{[3]
  X
  Research source}
- “Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?!?” Then send, “He was just going through a stage.”^{[4]
  X
  Research source}

3

Send a meme or GIF.

Download Article

Find a meme or GIF that relates to something you’ve talked about. Use this strategy as a casual, funny way to get the conversation going. For total strangers, pick a meme related to interests they mention in their social media profile or feed. If you met in person but don't know them well, pick something related to where you met.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If you have no idea what they like, send a meme related to a massive pop culture phenomenon or celebrity that they’re likely to recognize.
- Avoid any memes with offensive/explicit language and vulgar content that might send the wrong message.

4

Ask them for an opinion or suggestion.

Download Article

Asking for their thoughts allows you to learn about the other person. Plus, conversations about opinions give you a chance to find common ground. Science even shows that asking other people questions makes you seem more likable.^{[6]
X
Research source} The actual topic you discuss doesn’t matter too much, as long as it’s not a tough subject. Avoid really complicated conversations so that the person doesn’t feel like they’re being quizzed or put under pressure to say something smart.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- “What’s the last movie you watched? Was it any good?”
- “Where can I find the best place for lunch in the city?”
- “Thoughts on oat milk versus regular milk?”
- “How do you like working here/studying here/living here so far?”

5

Ask if they have fun plans ahead.

Download Article

This is a great strategy to keep the conversation positive. By finding out what they’re looking forward to, you also learn about what they like to do. As a bonus, it’s easy to come up with follow-up questions about future plans and events. Plus, they’ll probably turn the conversation back to you and ask what you’re planning on doing. Check out these examples:^{[8]
X
Research source}
- “What are your plans for the holiday?”
- “Next time you go downtown, which restaurant are you going to check out?”
- “What are you looking forward to this weekend?”
- Ask follow-up questions about their plans, like: “Oh you’re headed home for the holidays? Where’s home for you?”

6

Reference something the person likes.

Download Article

Pick one of their interests that you’ve heard about or seen on a profile. People like talking about themselves and what they like, so this is a safe and easy strategy. In fact, when we talk about ourselves, the reward system in our brain lights up!^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Mention a pop culture reference they’re interested in: “What’s your Hogwarts house?”
- Ask about their favorites: “What’s your favorite music?” or “Who’s your fav quarterback?”
- Bring up something you see in their profile: “Did I see a corgi in your profile pic? Have you been to Corgi Con?”

7

Talk about what you have in common.

Download Article

Build a conversation around your shared interests and background. You can start with obvious similarities like shared hometowns, schools, and workplaces. Or, you can bring up even a tiny similarity (like if you’re currently wearing a hoodie and they’re wearing a hoodie in their profile picture).^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Bond over small things: “That looks like a cozy sweatshirt in your profile pic. Are you also a hoodie fan?”
- Bring up shared experiences or places where your paths have crossed: “Woah. My brother played on that team two years before you started.”
- Mention shared backgrounds: “I’m also an immigrant! Moved here when I was six.”
- Talk about common interests: “So we both like post-punk!?”

8

Give them a unique compliment.

Download Article

Show that you’re genuine and spark positivity in the conversation.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.} Instead of going for a generic comment on their appearance or what they’re wearing, build on that idea and really personalize it.^{[12]
X
Research source} Compliment something you think other people wouldn’t have noticed. Appreciate an action they took. Or, add a personal connection by telling them how an aspect of themselves reminds you of something else. To our brains, getting a compliment feels as good as receiving money!^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Build on an appearance comment: “I love the earrings you have in your bio photo. They remind me of really special ones my mom gave me.”
- Praise one of their actions: “I just wanted to say how much I appreciated you standing up for Trevor in the meeting today.”
- Compliment a unique trait or quality: “I’ve never seen someone hold that many takeout orders in one hand. You’ve got skills.”

9

Ask them for info about an upcoming event.

Download Article

Recruit them to help clear up a question you have. If they know the information you need, they’ll likely text back, and if they don’t, you two can play a guessing game to fill in the knowledge gaps.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- “What do you know about Madison’s party. Like… where is it haha?”
- “Do you know what we have to bring to the conference tomorrow?”
- “I see you’re a music festival fan. I’m going to Bluegrass on the Grass next week. Any tips for making the most of it?”
- “Woah you’re from Amsterdam? I’m going in 2 weeks. Do you have any advice for dumb tourists like me?”
- “What did Mr. Brock say about the midterm? I wasn’t paying enough attention lol.”
- If they text back “I don’t know,” say: “That makes two of us. What’s your best guess for what we should expect?”

10

Bring up non-controversial current events.

Download Article

Bond over whatever’s positive in the news or fun trending topics.^{[15]
X
Research source} With current event questions, the trick is to not get too swept up in the facts about the event itself. Instead, you want to drive towards a question that’ll get an emotional response from the other person to keep them engaged. That means, try and get at the question “How do you feel about that?”^{[16]
X
Research source} Here are some examples of current event questions with a follow-up question related to feelings:
- “Are you watching the game tonight?” If they respond “yes,” follow up with “Are you excited?”
- “Have you been watching the Olympics?” Follow up with, “What’s your favorite event?”
- “What’d you think of the concert?” Follow up with “How’d it feel to be so close to the stage?”
- If they respond no to simple questions about events, that’s okay! Just pivot to a new topic and new conversation starter.

11

Ask personal, open-ended questions.

Download Article

Once you’ve talked for a bit, bypass the small talk and go deeper. People want to connect with others, and they might be more willing to tell you about their life than you think. The benefit of asking open-ended questions is that it gives the other person a chance to share more information and move the conversation in a direction they’re interested in. Studies even show that asking questions boosts how the other person feels about you and leaves a positive impression.^{[17]
X
Research source} Try out some of these questions:^{[18]
X
Research source}
- “What’s something about yourself that you’d never want to change?”^{[19]
  X
  Research source}
- “That’s a cool name. How did your parents come up with it?”
- “How long have you lived in this city? Do you remember your first day here?”
- “What’s your favorite memory from childhood?”