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Not every breakup requires the no contact rule, but it’s a great tool to use if you’re having trouble getting over your ex or you’re tempted to reach out to them again. Implementing the no contact rule can help you move on from your ex much faster (and sometimes, it can even bring you and your ex back together). We’ve listed out some helpful tips to keep you from contacting your ex-partner as you focus on yourself and your own emotions.

1

Block your ex’s number.

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  1. By blocking their number, you can ensure that they won’t be able to call or text you, so you won’t feel tempted to respond. You can also delete the number from your contacts so you aren’t forced to see it in your phone all the time.[1]
    • However, don’t block your ex if you need to talk about logistics, like kids or financial responsibilities.
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3

Delete old messages and DMs.

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5

Ask your friends not to tell you about your ex.

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  1. If you have mutual friends with your ex, ask them not to update you on what your ex is doing or who they’re with. Even if they think you’d want to know, hearing that kind of stuff can make you feel worse—and you definitely don’t need that kind of energy in your life.[5]
    • You could say something like, “Hey, I know you and Jason still hang out, which is fine. Would you mind just not talking about him around me? It’s all still a little fresh, and I’m just trying to focus on myself right now.”
    • If you follow any of your ex’s friends on social media, consider unfollowing them so you don’t get any inadvertent updates.
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6

Set a timeline for the no contact rule.

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7

Write down why you’re doing this.

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  1. It can be really, really hard to hold yourself back from calling up your ex one lonely night. When you start the no contact rule, grab a sheet of paper and list out all the reasons why you’re sticking to no contact. Then, if you’re having a tough time, take a look at the list again as a reminder. You might include:[7]
    • “My ex and I were not a good match.”
    • “I was not happy when I was with my ex.”
    • “My ex and I are toxic together, and I’m breaking that cycle.”
    • “I want to focus on my needs, not my ex’s needs.”
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10

Distract yourself with friends.

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11

Focus on self-care.

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13

Try to move on from the relationship.

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  1. Set your sights on the future, and try not to think about your ex or what could have been. Focus on yourself and your own goals, and avoid thinking about the past. Eventually, you’ll be able to live your life without giving your ex a second thought.[13]
    • Everyone’s healing process looks a little different, and there’s no right or wrong way to move on from a relationship. If you can set your sights on the future, you’re already doing great!
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14

Reach out to your ex if you want to get back together.

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  1. If it’s been a few weeks (or even months) and you feel ready to talk to your ex again, you can unblock their number and re-follow them on social media. And, if you really feel like you want to get back with them, you can go ahead and reach out—they might just be happy to hear from you.[14]
    • Deciding to reach out to your ex is a very personal decision, and one you shouldn’t take lightly. Try thinking about why the relationship ended in the first place—if there were issues that you feel like you could both work on, your new relationship might just work out. Use the no contact time to really think through the relationship so you can make a more informed decision.

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About This Article

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Co-authored by:
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards. This article has been viewed 56,378 times.
24 votes - 84%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: July 5, 2024
Views: 56,378
Categories: Breaking Up
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 56,378 times.

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