How to Talk to a Crush Who Hates You

Co-authored by Courtney Quinlan

Last Updated: September 22, 2024 References

It can be difficult to talk to your crush, but even more so to a crush who hates you. Sometimes if someone hates you, there has been a misunderstanding. By clearing up why they hate you and winning over your crush by being kind and easygoing, you'll be able to talk to your crush in no time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Clearing the Air

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1
Find out why they hate you through a friend. Seek out a mutual friend to better understand why your crush might hate you. Sometimes your crush doesn't hate you at all, and your perception is wrong.
- You could ask a friend by saying, “I'd really like to get to know John better, but I think he hates me. Do you know if there's any truth to that?”
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Address any misunderstandings. Your crush might hate you because of a misunderstanding. Clearing this up can bring you two closer together. Let's say you found out from your friend that your crush saw you in their open locker, and this is the reason they hate you. You could approach your crush and try to clear things up.^{[1]
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- For example, you could say, “Hey, I think you may dislike me because you believe I stole something out of your locker. I wanted to let you know that the reason I was in your locker at all was because the school administrator thought no one was using it. She opened it for me with a master key. It was purely an accident.”
- You could say, “I totally understand why you might think that was a strange thing to see. If I were you I'd probably think so too.”
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3
Apologize and make things right, if needed. If your crush has a real reason to have bad feelings towards you, apologize to them to try to make things right. Be genuine in your apology and try to say plainly that what you did was wrong. Don't try to justify your actions.^{[2]
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- For example, if your crush hates you because you made fun of them in public, you could say, “Hey, I've had some time to think about that, and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. That was not right and I won't do it again".
- Another apology could go, “I'm sorry I participated in that mean prank we pulled on you. I really regret doing it. I promise I won't do it again".

Part 2

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Approaching Your Crush

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Choose a good time to talk. Find a good time to approach your crush when neither of you is busy. By catching them at an opportune moment, they're more likely to be receptive to conversation. Make sure you pick a time when they are not busy working on something or engaged in conversation with someone else.^{[3]
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- If you see your crush sitting on a bench, you could say, “Hey! Mind if I sit with you?” or “It's a beautiful day out, isn't it?”
A smile makes you seem happy and open. To appeal most to your crush, flash them a smile to let them know you're feeling friendly. If you feel intimidated, imagine your crush as an old friend to feel more at ease.^{[4]
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Try easy conversation starters. If you're not sure what to say when you approach your crush, try some easy phrases that can kick off any conversation. These don't have to be particularly loaded or customized to your crush, just break the ice.
- You could say, “So, what are you up to this weekend?” or “Have you done anything fun lately?”
- Other examples are “Do you know what the weather's supposed to be like this week?” or “What was the highlight of your day today?”^{[5]
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Part 3

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Finding Things to Talk About

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Discuss mutual friends. If you and your crush have friends in common, they can be a great source of conversation. Try to incorporate your mutual friends in a group hangout or simply discuss how you got to know someone you are both close to. You may discover new things in common.
- You could say, “I met Damien in cross country because we both love running. I think you're friends with Damien too. How did you guys meet?” or “Sarah and I met at a poetry slam. I think I saw you hanging out. How do you guys know each other?”
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Draw on joint activities. It's possible you and your crush already have certain activities like sports or classes in common. To make for easy conversation, try to draw on shared experiences at school.^{[6]
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- For example, you could say, “I thought school assembly was really funny on Tuesday. What did you think?” or “Did you see the school soccer match Friday night? It was really close.”
- If your crush's favorite activity is yoga, try to do a yoga class with them.
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Ask about their interests. Ask your crush thoughtful questions about their hobbies to engage them in a positive way. It shows you've been paying attention to the things that are important to them and are interested in getting to know them better.^{[7]
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- You could say, “I noticed you play tennis. Did you watch Wimbledon this year?” or “I liked the cookies you brought in to homeroom. What's your favorite thing to bake?”^{[8]
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Be kind, not argumentative. Do not engage your crush in a debate or argument, which can feel badgering, even if you like to do that with your friends. Try to be your kindest most appealing self. You can do this by paying an earnest compliment or exhibiting common kindness.^{[9]
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- For example, you could say, “Hey, I really like that sweater. It looks nice on you,” or “I bought an extra soda at the vending machine. Would you like to have it?”

Community Q&A

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Question

What if all your friends hate him? What if he thinks you hate him too?

Community Answer

Sounds like there are some misunderstandings to clear up if he thinks you hate him. If all your friends hate him, find out why. Is their reasoning justified or not?

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What if your crush is nice?

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Then you can be nice right back!

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What if you and your friend have the same crush?

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Then no one should pursue him or her. The friendship should come first.

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Tips

Don't stress too much over this issue. If it doesn't work out, that might sting for awhile but you'll get over it eventually. Someone who didn't want to be with you isn't someone you'd want to be with anyway!

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Try to join a club that your crush is in so that you have a natural way to talk to them and let them get to know you better.

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Warnings

If your crush ignores you, you may want to forget about him or her. He or she may hate you even if you never did anything; for example, this hatred could have arisen from low self-esteem.

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It will take some time if they hate you for them to like you again. Don't get frustrated, aggravated, or impatient. Forgiveness isn't always easy.

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