How to Think of Stuff to Talk About with Your Boyfriend

Co-authored by Sabrina Grover, LMSW

Last Updated: October 18, 2024 Approved

Tired of running into those awkward silences when you talk to your boyfriend? After you've gotten to know someone well, it can be difficult to come up with new topics of conversation. It's not impossible, though! Follow these steps to keep your discussions fresh and interesting, whether you're talking in person, chatting online, or texting.

Steps

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1
Ask about topics that you know he finds interesting. People in general are most comfortable talking about themselves or their interests. Why? Because it's something they know pretty well and have mulled over.^{[1]
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Research source} Here are some ideas for things to ask about:^{[2]
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- How his day went
- His past experiences (like where he lived as a kid, what he liked doing, who's important to him in his family)
- His hobbies
- His favorite activities
- His favorite books, movies or music.
2
Talk about hypothetical situations. Would you rather be blind or deaf? Would you choose subsisting solely on spinach over listening to Christmas songs for 8 hours a day for the rest of your life? Try to come up with interesting, funny or complicated situations, and ask your boyfriend what he'd prefer. When he answers, ask him to defend his choice.^{[3]
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- Play devil's advocate. Present a counterpoint to whatever your boyfriend says, so that he's forced to re-evaluate his choice. Make it clear that you're just trying to make the conversation more interesting––you're not actually trying to disagree at every turn.
- Some more hypothetical questions to ask: "What keeps you awake at night?" "If you could live your life to this point over again, what would you do differently?" and "What couldn't you live without?" (or, "If you could only keep 10 things, what would they be?".
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3
Ask him to tell you something you don't know. It can be something about himself, or a fact you don't know. Whatever it is, you're sure to learn something. If you want to be more specific, ask him to tell you something new about one of his hobbies.
- Nostalgia is a good bet here. Ask him about his first memory, his first day at school, his first toy and his first birthday party that he can remember. It's a great way to get to know about the things that matter to him and what he was like when he was a child.
4
Ask him things that are quirky. This can lead to fun, entertaining questions when you're both already in a good mood. Questions like: "Do you still believe in Santa?", "If you had to choose between the TV and the Internet, which one would you get rid of?" and "If there were no clocks, what do you think life would be like?". Keep the conversation light and amusing, no answer is the wrong one!^{[4]
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- Tell him a few jokes that are quite funny and laugh along with him (provided he has a good sense of humor).
All of us love to be complimented and recognized for our actions. Tell him how, and why, you loved a particular date. For an example you might say, "I loved when you took me out to dinner. It was such a beautiful restaurant that it made me feel extra special."^{[5]
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6
Discuss the future. Talk about the things you'd like to do someday––maybe you want to visit Crete, star in a play, write a novel, or live on a boat. Ask about what he's dreamed of doing. Here are some possible topics:^{[6]
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- Where you want to go to school
- What you want to study
- Where you want to live
- Where you want to travel
- Possible hobbies
- What job you want to have.
7
Play a game. It could be a board game, online game, or video game––whatever you choose. If you're competing against each other, you can gently trash talk and rib your boyfriend. If you're playing on the same team, you can discuss strategy and gameplay. Try these classics:
- Chess
- Checkers
- Scrabble
- Speed
- Egyptian Rat Screw
- Sorry
8
Listen actively. The art of talking with another person includes a lot of listening that encourages the other person to talk more. Show your boyfriend that you're genuinely interested in what he has to say by acknowledging the things he says, using affirmative statements and body language as he speaks and summarizing aspects of what he tells you so that he knows you've taken it on board.^{[7]
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- If it's early in your relationship and you encounter a lot of silences, try to keep conversations to no more than an hour at first. Talking too much can make even a fresh relationship seem stale and boring.
- Let him know you're still there. Small talk can turn into silence very quickly.
If you can find time to watch or read the news, you'll have more topics floating around your mind. Keep up on current events, funny clips of comedy shows, or viral internet stories. When the conversation lulls, ask your boyfriend if he's heard of what you read or saw recently. If he has, you two can talk about what you think. If not, now is the perfect time to tell him all about it.^{[8]
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Tips

Just relax! He is your boyfriend after all. Even if you run out of things to talk about, the awkward silence will disappear quicker than you know it.

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Be yourself and don't act fake. It will make you more nervous trying to be "perfect" around him. Remember, he choose you for who 'you' are.

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When joking about him, make sure he gets it so he doesn't feel embarrassed. That could lead to awkward silences or just a plain bad impression.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Random topics are perfect, like playing 21 questions. Be yourself and try not to act so nervous. He's your boyfriend, so he definitely wants to talk and find out more about you.
Don't be afraid to tell him if something is bothering you. You should be able to be open and honest with each other. Trust is the number one thing in a relationship.

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Warnings

Don't lie just to have something to talk about.

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Forget about your past boyfriends! Listening to you talk about them can make him feel awkward, especially if you brag or bag them. He'll be wondering how he'll size up in your mind and won't like the comparison.

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Never say I love you to make conversation. Say it when you are absolutely ready. He'll feel uncomfortable with this statement if it's used as a silence filler and so would you.

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Don't brag or gossip about your friends. It makes you look bad.

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Avoid complaining or whining as a form of talking. Nobody can bear this for very long and if it becomes a habit, it demonstrates that you lack self-esteem and find the need to bring down other people just to find something to say.

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Topics to avoid when your relationship is young and new include: marriage, children, expensive gifts and dislike of his family. Be very careful with any conversation that places both of you in the future, "as a couple", until you're sure both of you are meant for one another.

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