Romantic Conversation Starters (+ Tips to Set the Mood)

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Learn how to kick off a romantic conversation and keep it going
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When you think of romantic conversations, you might imagine the clever back-and-forth in a rom-com, laced with cute innuendo, and wonder why you never have conversations like that. Well, the main reason might be that you don't have a brilliant screenwriter writing everything you say. But actually, you don't need one! Read on to learn everything you need to know to start improving your romantic conversations and strengthening your bond with your romantic partner.

Carrying on a Romantic Conversation

Stick to positive topics such as your hopes and dreams or the things you love about your partner or your relationship. Ask open-ended questions and be vulnerable with each other, which leads to a deeper romantic connection.

Section 1 of 4:

How to Have a Romantic Conversation

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  1. Step 1 Make sure your partner has a distraction-free moment.
    This might not be a serious conversation, but it's still an important one. Without distractions, the two of you can give each other your undivided attention. Eliminating distractions also shows that you're putting your partner first.[1]
    • If you're not together in person, ask what your partner is doing before you launch into a romantic conversation. That way you can make sure they're not at work or out doing something else.
  2. Step 2 Focus on light, positive topics of conversation.
    Stick to topics such as your hopes for the future, what you love about your partner, or intimate details about your relationship. Something positive also allows you to be engaging and enthusiastic in a way that you couldn't be if you were talking about something more serious.[2]
    • For example, you might confess your first thoughts about your partner when the two of you met for the first time, or when you went out on your first date.
    • Show your positive personality traits through the conversation as well. It will remind your partner of what they love about you.[3]
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  3. Step 3 Use "I" statements to share your thoughts and feelings.
    When you tell your partner how you think and feel by using "I" language, you give them the opportunity to see the world through your eyes so they'll feel more connected to you. Framing your statements in this way also lets your partner know that you're taking ownership of your own feelings.[4]
    • For example, you might say, "I love what they've done with the fairy lights in these gazebos. I think it's very romantic."
  4. Step 4 Ask open-ended questions so your partner can talk about themselves.
    Research shows that people—all people—love to talk about themselves.[5] When you ask open-ended questions, it gives your partner the opportunity to elaborate on what they're saying. It also shows that you're interested in their thoughts and what they have to say. If you're stumped for a topic, try a question such as one of these:[6]
    • "What would your perfect day be like?"
    • "What are 3 things that you think we have in common?"
    • "Do you have a dream that you've not yet had a chance to take a stab at? If so, what is it?"
  5. Step 5 Share stories that reveal details about yourself.
    Sharing stories about yourself helps your partner learn new things about you as well as deepen their connection to you. The best stories are funny, maybe a little embarrassing (because telling them requires you to be vulnerable), and expose something important about who you are as a person.[7]
    • For example, you might tell the story about how your grandmother struggled with health issues, which inspired you to become a nurse.
  6. Step 6 Listen actively and enthusiastically when your partner speaks.
    While your partner is speaking, focus your attention on what they're saying and respond appropriately. If they say something that you agree with, feel free to interject enthusiastically to show your support. The two of you can bond over the shared interest.[8]
    • For example, if your partner mentions a band they liked growing up, you might say, "Oh yeah—I'd forgotten about them! I used to really love them too!"
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Section 2 of 4:

Romantic Conversation Starters

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  1. Step 1 Compliments
    There's nothing like a compliment to steer a conversation in a more romantic direction. While complimenting your partner's physical appearance is nice, complimenting things they do is far better because those are things they actually have control over. If you're going to compliment their physical appearance, stick to things they've done themselves. For example:
    • "Your hair looks really great today! I love it when you part it on the left."
    • "That color looks so awesome on you—it makes your eyes look really soulful and brooding."
    • "Gosh, the way you handled that situation was so graceful, I totally would've lost my cool if someone said something to me like that."
  2. Step 2 Fond memories
    Studies show that reminiscing about your favorite moments together can help you feel more connected. In a really deep way, these trips down memory lane also serve to help you find meaning in your life—and they can also help you add romance to your conversations. For example, you might say:[9]
    • "Remember that old café we used to go to? They used to play this song all the time."
    • "That reminds me of the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I didn't know who you were, but I knew I wanted to talk to you."
    • "Remember that one painting at the museum that we both loved? I ordered a print of it for our bedroom."
  3. Step 3 Hobbies and interests
    When you ask about your partner's hobbies and interests, you're connecting with them. You're showing that you're interested in what they're interested in precisely because they're interested in it. Asking them to talk about it can help them feel safe and accepted. For example, you might say:[10]
    • "Tell me about the most interesting thing you're doing at work."
    • "What's your favorite thing about pickleball?"
    • "How has being involved in the local punk music scene shaped your outlook?"
  4. Step 4 Affection
    Simply being a cheeseball romantic and telling your partner how much you love them also has its place in a romantic conversation. You might not want to go too over the top, but a little gushing now and then is totally ok. For example, you might say:
    • "You have no idea, but I smile every time I think about you. And I think about you a lot, so that means I smile a lot too."
    • "I love the way you look at me when we're just laying in bed talking like this."
    • "The way you cared for that puppy was so sweet! I just love how kind you are to animals."
  5. Step 5 Gratitude and appreciation
    Thanking your partner for something they've done or showing appreciation for something they've accomplished is a great way to infuse some romance into any conversation. When they tell you about something that's happened recently, let them know how proud you are of them and how impressive their accomplishments are. You might say:[11]
    • "Wow, I'm really impressed with how well you handled yourself in that situation. You showed that you really are committed to fairness."
    • "I'm so proud of you for winning that game. I know how hard you worked on that new play so it must feel awesome that it worked so well."
    • "It's so cool how passionate you are about local wildlife. I feel as though I'm seeing this park in an entirely different way."
  6. Step 6 Sweet confessions
    This is a kind of subtle way to say something romantic that elaborates on how you feel about your partner. It gives you the opportunity to share something emotionally intimate in a way that isn't quite so overwhelming. Here are some examples:
    • "I've always been curious how you got that scar on your knee. I find it so compelling."
    • "I have to admit something—since the moment we met, I've always wanted to hold your hand just like this."
    • "I have to confess, that perfume you're wearing makes me weak at the knees."
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Section 3 of 4:

Setting the Stage for a Romantic Conversation

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  1. Step 1 Look your best so that you're most attractive to your partner.
    If you're meeting your partner in person and want to have a romantic conversation, take the time for a bath or shower and groom yourself nicely. Put a little effort into your appearance and your partner will notice.[12]
    • Studies show that self-care is a major factor in whether people perceive you as attractive. If you seem like you take care of yourself, it shows that you believe you're valuable—and others will find you valuable as well.[13]
    • Your partner will also notice and be suitably impressed that you put in an effort to look nice for them.
  2. Step 2 Dim the overhead lights and use candles for a romantic flicker.
    If you're staying in, go for lower mood lighting over harsh overhead lights to help set the tone. It can also help decrease the distractions in the room and encourage the two of you to sit closer together and be more intimate. Candles (you can use the flameless variety) are a classic option to help set a romantic vibe.
    • If you're making plans to go out and want to have a romantic evening, you might choose a restaurant with dim lighting and relatively secluded tables.
    • Areas like parks and courtyards can also be romantic because they allow the two of you to be alone and have some privacy while still being out in public among people.
  3. Step 3 Play soft music in the background.
    When you're looking for a romantic evening at home, some smooth jazz or down-tempo love ballads can help you set the tone without distracting from the conversation. If you don't want it to be too intrusive, you might try classical music or even a recording of nature sounds that you can put on in the background.
    • Think of the music as a sort of backdrop—not something you're going to actively listen to. If you played a mix of your favorite bands, for example, you might be tempted to turn it up or sing along.
  4. Step 4 Offer your partner some chocolate as a snack.
    Chocolate has a romantic reputation for good reason—it can lead to feelings of euphoria similar to the feeling of romantic love. Nibbling on a bit of chocolate—especially dark chocolate—as you chat can put you both in a more romantic mood.[14]
    • For example, you might get a small box of fancy truffles for the two of you to share and do taste tests of each flavor. Then, you can compare your scores and choose your favorites.
  5. Step 5 Approach your partner with confidence.
    You want to let your partner know how you feel and you want them to feel comfortable doing the same, so confidence is key. When you approach the conversation with confidence, your partner will feel secure and comfortable. If you feel nervous or awkward, on the other hand, your partner is likely to pick up on that and feel awkward or nervous as well.[15]
    • Go with open body language that demonstrates to your partner that you welcome them and their presence and are interested in spending time with them.
    • Smile to show them that you're happy to see them and you're having a good time.
  6. Step 6 Give your partner 100% of your attention.
    During a romantic conversation, giving your partner your undivided attention shows them how committed you are. You might be telling them that you only have eyes for them, but they'll definitely believe you when your eyes don't stray from them the whole time you're having a conversation.[16]
    • At the same time, your partner will understand if you're unable to hold your attention in one place for an extended period of time—so don't sweat it if this is something you have a hard time with. They'll appreciate your effort!
  7. Step 7 Make sustained eye contact throughout the conversation.
    Prolonged eye contact encourages a deep romantic connection and can even help the two of you fall more deeply in love. When you maintain eye contact with your partner, you're telling them through your body language that you're committed to them and interested in what they have to say.[17]
    • Even if you can't maintain eye contact for an extended period of time, doing so even for brief moments shows your partner that you're paying attention to them and that you're interested in them.
  8. Step 8 Hold hands or touch your partner during the conversation.
    Touch is an important factor that can take any conversation from friendly to flirty. When you flirt with body language, you signal to your partner that you love them and are romantically interested in them.[18]
    • For example, you might reach over and hold your partner's hand as they're talking, lightly stroking the back of their hand with your thumb.
    • You might also lean your hand on your partner's arm or leg while you're laughing or to make a point.
    • Sitting close together also helps you have more incidental physical contact—not to mention that sitting close together automatically makes things feel a little more romantic!
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Section 4 of 4:

What is a romantic conversation?

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  1. A romantic conversation deepens the connection between you and your partner.
    When most people think about romantic conversation, their thoughts immediately turn to sweet compliments or loving words of affection—but romance covers a lot more than that. It includes those conversations, as well as any conversation where you and your partner talk about the future, your relationship, or your feelings for each other.[19]
    • Romantic conversations can include conversations you might not even think of as romantic, such as conversations about your childhood. But these are also romantic because you're deepening your emotional connection with each other by being vulnerable and transparent.
    • Romantic conversations require vulnerability and it's through that vulnerability that you and your partner start to feel safe around one another and trust each other.

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  • Question
    How do I keep a conversation going with my boyfriend?
    Imad Jbara
    Imad Jbara
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    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
    Imad Jbara
    Imad Jbara
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    Expert Answer
    Reciprocate if the other person is flirting with you. Sometimes people miss opportunities because they don't show the other person they're interested. If someone gives you a little touch on the elbow or a flirtatious glance, they're trying to get you to react. That reaction is what shows them you're interested too, and that's how you start to build passion.
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  • Question
    How do I talk to my crush without being awkward?
    Imad Jbara
    Imad Jbara
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    Imad Jbara
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    Show your real personality. Don't be afraid to be yourself when you're flirting. Say the things you would normally say when you're around your friends or people you're comfortable with.
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  • Question
    How do I have a romantic conversation?
    Imad Jbara
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
    Imad Jbara
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Make your intentions clear right away so they know you're flirting. To do that, you might include a little physical contact or teasing. For instance, if someone says something to you, you might say, "Are you flirting with me??" or if someone touches you, you might say, "Hey, hands off the merchandise, I'm not that easy!" That way, it's fun, but it's still flirting.
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Tips

  • Don't worry if there's a moment of silence—pauses in conversation are totally natural and don't mean something's wrong. If you feel a little awkward, you might say, "It's nice to feel so comfortable with you that we can just enjoy silence together without it being too awkward."
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Warnings

  • Avoid overtly talking about sex. It's fine to flirt about it if your partner brings it up, but try to keep the conversation more romantic and emotional than sexual.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-to-use-your-words-to-build-romance
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/is-your-personality-making-you-more-or-less-physically-attractive
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201508/4-ways-use-your-words-build-romance
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/positive-prescription/201703/why-we-love-talking-about-ourselves
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201508/4-ways-use-your-words-build-romance
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201508/4-ways-use-your-words-build-romance
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-everyday-unconscious/202009/why-nostalgia-the-amazing-power-of-reminiscing
  1. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201508/4-ways-use-your-words-build-romance
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-to-use-your-words-to-build-romance
  4. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/loves-evolver/201102/the-relationship-between-sex-and-food
  6. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201010/10-ways-make-your-relationship-magically-romantic
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201503/loving-eye-contact-how-mutual-staring-can-create-passion
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-to-use-your-words-to-build-romance

About This Article

Imad Jbara
Co-authored by:
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 889,730 times.
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Co-authors: 26
Updated: September 30, 2024
Views: 889,730
Categories: Featured Articles | Conversation Skills | Romance
Article SummaryX

To carry on a romantic conversation, ask your partner open-ended questions to get to know them more intimately. For example, ask something like, “What would your perfect day be like?” or, “What did you want to be when you were younger?” Keep topics light and positive, like dreams, ambitions, and interests, instead of killing the mood with talk of work or politics. Try to be be open with your partner and share something personal to deepen your connection. For instance, say something like, “I have to tell you, I was so nervous when we started talking, because I think you’re an amazing person.” While you’re talking, face your partner and make eye contact with them to show that your full attention is on them. For more tips, including how to set the mood for a romantic conversation with music and candles, read on!

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