How to Start a Conversation with a Girl on Instagram: 10+ Tips to Get Her Chatting

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 10, 2024 Fact Checked

Striking up a conversation with someone IRL is tough enough—but figuring out what to say on Instagram might be even harder. If you stumble across someone that seems super cool but you just can’t figure out what to say, you’re not alone! Fortunately, there are a lot of different ways you can open up a dialogue with a girl.

Here are 11 foolproof ways to start a conversation with a girl you like on Instagram.

Examples of Conversation Starters to Grab a Girl's Attention

1

Comment on her pictures.

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Ask her questions about her recent pics if she posts a lot. If you frame them as questions, she’s much more likely to respond to you. Keep your comments respectful and friendly for a better chance of a fun conversation. Try comments like:^{[1]
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- “Wow, this beach is gorgeous. Was this last summer?”
- “I didn’t know you went skydiving! Was it scary??”
- “Your little brother is so cute! How old is he now?”

2

Reply to her story.

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Take a look at what she’s doing that day to chat about it. If she posts something interesting, try sending a DM in response. You can ask her where her food’s from (if she posts a food pic), ask about her vacation (in response to a beach picture), or even give her a compliment (if she posts a cute selfie). For example:
- “That sandwich looks so good. Is that the new place on Hawthorne?”
- “Whoa, look at those views! Is this near Venice Beach?”
- Follow the girl on Instagram before you DM her. This can make her more likely to look at your message and respond.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1050 wikiHow readers, and 54% of them agreed that it’s important to follow your crush on social media before you slide into their DMs. [Take Poll]

3

Introduce yourself.

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Start a conversation with a stranger by telling her your name. This works well if you don’t know the girl at all and you’re just trying to make new friends (or flirt a little). Keep your message simple and casual so she doesn’t feel pressured. Say something like:^{[2]
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- “Hi, I’m Kevin. What’s your name?”
- “Hey, nice to (digitally) meet you. I’m Lauren.”

4

Reference your mutual followers.

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If she’s a friend of a friend, you can bring that up. Open up a conversation by asking how she knows your friends or mutual followers. Or, simply point out how weird it is that you both know so many of the same people. For example:^{[3]
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- “Wow, we have like 20 followers in common. How have we never met before?”
- “Hey, do you know Mark? I think we met at his party last month.”

5

Send her a meme.

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If she posts a lot of memes on her page, she’ll like this approach. Pick out a meme from your personal collection (or find one on Instagram) and DM it to her privately. If you aren’t sure what to send, take a look at her page to get a read on her sense of humor.
- If you’re having trouble finding something, try searching “meme” on Instagram to see what’s popular right now.

6

Talk about something from her page.

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If she posts a lot, you can pick a conversation topic easily. If you find something interesting or a hobby that you two have in common, open up with that.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Try not to scroll too far down, though, as bringing up a post that’s 2 years old can be a little creepy. Try saying something like:^{[5]
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- “Whoa, is that the new Nikon camera in your last post? I’ve been wanting to try that one out.”
- “I didn’t know that you were a surfer! How long have you been riding the waves?”

7

Pick up an in-person conversation.

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If you know her IRL, you can follow up on what you were talking about. She won’t be weirded out by your DM since you two already kind of know each other. Send a quick message that references your earlier convo to jump start her memory. For example:^{[6]
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- “Remember how weird Mr. Albert was acting in class today? I wonder what was up with him.”
- “Hey, we never finished comparing our favorite authors! I’m still hung up on the fact that you don’t like Philip K. Dick.”

8

Send a flirty selfie.

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If you’re feeling yourself, you can risk a cute or funny selfie. Try snapping a quick pic and sending it to her privately with a witty caption. Make sure your picture is appropriate so you don’t creep her out. Try a caption like:^{[7]
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- “Felt cute, might delete later.”
- “Should I post this on my feed? Be honest.”

9

Try a cheesy pickup line.

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Girls with a good sense of humor love lines like these. Pick something non-sexual to keep the conversation light hearted and fun. If she likes your line, it’s a great way to start a flirtatious conversation without a ton of pressure. Try something like:^{[8]
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- “Do you like raisins? How about a date?”
- “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see.”
- “I was wondering if you had an extra heart—mine just got stolen.”

10

Give her your number.

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If you’ve talked before, you can get the ball rolling by sending your digits. Or, you can send them over if you aren’t a fan of DMs or you aren’t on Instagram a lot. This works well if you two know each other in real life or have talked a little bit beforehand. Say something like:^{[9]
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- “Hey, you seem super cool. Here’s my number if you want to chat more.”
- “Heyo, we met at Sean’s party last week. Wanted to send you my digits in case you need someone to show you around the city.”

11

Post something you know she’ll respond to.

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It’s the most indirect way to start a conversation, so use it as a last resort. If you know a few things about this girl (what her hobbies are, what she likes to do, where she likes to eat), try posting a pic on your story to see if she responds. If she does, you can take the conversation from there.^{[10]
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- For example, if she’s super into the outdoors, post a cool pic of you hiking or biking.
- Or, if she’s a foodie, post a picture of you trying a new restaurant in town.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How many times should I talk to someone online before meeting them?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

I'd suggest that you have at least 5 conversations online before meeting up with someone. The exception might be if you meet on Tinder or Bumble and there's a crazy immediate connection where the two of you share some mutual interest, but in general, you want to chat a few times before meeting up.

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Question

How can I build a connection with someone over Instagram?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try to find a mutual interest that both of you share and lean into that. It's a lot easier to connect with someone if you have something in common that gets both of you excited.

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Question

How do you start a conversation with a non-binary person on Instagram?

Community Answer

Talk to them as you would do with anyone else, except don't use gendered pronouns or words. Just talk about stuff you like, and listen to them talk about that stuff back. It's that simple.

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Tips

Try not to send multiple DMs at once, as it can feel a little overwhelming.

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Warnings

Never send an inappropriate or sexual photo without asking first.

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Remember that harassing her can be considered cyberbullying and may result in a report being filed against you.

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Be careful what you post on Instagram. Inappropriate content or offensive comments can lead to consequences like reprimands or account bans. Be mindful of your content and language on the platform.

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If you want to keep things smooth with her, it might be best to avoid asking her to post revealing pictures. After all, you wouldn’t want to be blocked!

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When trying to flirt with her online, remember to be mindful of her relationship status and how she feels about you to avoid being blocked.

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