How to Treat a Girl

Co-authored by Connell Barrett

Last Updated: March 17, 2024 Approved

So you've got this wonderful girl in your life and you want to treat her in the way she deserves? It's not that hard! The key is to treat her like a regular human being. Treat her with respect, just like you would with anyone else.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Showing Your Affection

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1
Do things to make her happy. Treat your girl right by doing things to make her happy. Don't do these things expecting favors in return or because you want something from her. Instead, do them because you think she deserves them and because you really want her to be happy. She can tell the difference between things you do to get what you want and things you do because you love her.
- For example, you can turn the tables and learn how to crochet, just to make her a scarf for once.
- You should try to do things that make her happy based on things that she cares about and that matter to her. If she's a huge rock climbing fan, for example, make a special custom pouch for her chalk.
- Be polite. Some women expect you to hold open doors for them and pull out their chair. Some women will be offended by this behavior. You'll have to work out with your girl what she wants from you but some basic politeness is always in order. Don't burp or fart around her. Give her an arm to lean on when she's walking in high heels. Help her carry things when her arms are full or the items are heavy. This is basic politeness and the same sort of thing that you should do for anyone, not just women.
2
Make time for her. Relationships mean being together. If you're not willing to make time for her in your day then what does that tell her. Set aside time in your week for going on a date, even if it's free and low-key. Text her and spend some time talking to her on the phone. She should be high enough in your priorities that you're willing to break a date with your friends in order to go to a movie with her.
- While you should make her feel like she gets 1-on-1 time with you, you can also help her to feel like you're paying attention to her by taking her with you to hang out with your friends. As long as you're affectionate even when you're around other people, she'll usually still come away feeling like she got some good time in with you.
- Of course, it's important for her to have alone time to. Her independence is very important. Don't take up all of her time and make sure that she is able to hang out with her friends and do things with them regularly.
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3
Encourage her to pursue things that make her happy. You should encourage her to do the things that make her happy. This is one of the most important roles in a relationship: we give each other support and make each other better people. When you do this for her, by showing her how important it is to chase her dreams, you'll really be treating her right.
- For example, maybe she's mentioned how much she likes to write songs for herself. Encourage her to set up a YouTube channel so that she can share those wonderful songs with the world.
4
Think about her. When you open yourself up to thinking about her, it will show and make her feel really good and loved. Let things remind you of her, think of her when you hear about events she might enjoy, and enjoy remembering things that you've done together. When you do these things, it will often show in little ways that she will notice.
- For example, you'll be walking down the street and see a picture in a shop that reminds you of that one time you went to the beach together. Buy her the picture and give it to her, telling her what it reminded you of and how good it made you feel. She'll just melt.
5
Take an interest in her feelings, thoughts and opinions. When you take an interest in her feelings, thoughts, and opinions, it will make her feel respected and appreciated. This is a good way to treat a girl, making her happy and grateful for the relationship that she has with you.
- Ask her what she thinks about things. Not just what she thinks about broad topics like music or television, but also ask about how she feels about current events, politics, and the things going on in your lives. This will help her to feel respected. The same goes for asking her opinion on problems you have in your own life.
- Pay attention to her feelings and learn how to tell when she's upset, tired, angry or happy. Once you recognize these feelings, support her when she needs it and let her talk about things that make her happy or excited. Comfort her when she's sad, even if it means just being a silent shoulder to cry on. You can say something like, "You seem like you're having a tough time. I don't know what's bothering you but I hope you know that I'm here to listen if you want to talk."
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Appreciate the things she does for you. Taking someone that you love for granted is really easy. However, this can really ruin relationships. No matter if you've been together for five months or five years, you should never assume that someone "should" do something for you. When she does something nice for you, thank her. Never expect things from her and show your gratitude when she does do nice things.
- For example, let's say that she makes you dinner. Don't just complain about how it tastes. Instead, thank her and offer to clean up the dishes.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Speaking Like a Gentleman

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1
Speak with respect. When you talk to her, speak with respect. You should never rudely criticize her or say things which are demeaning. Just like it wouldn't be acceptable for someone to say these things to you, it's not acceptable for you to say those things to her.^{[1]
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Research source} Try to think not only about how you'd feel if someone said something to you but also think about how her own experiences might lead her to feel about what you said.
- For example, only call her a girl if she is one. Is your girl older than, say, 20 years old? At that point you should be calling her a woman or a lady. When you call her girl, you're making her seem like a child, implying that she can't do things for herself, think, or act like the capable adult she is.
2
Understand her. Get to really know her for who she really is, not just what you think she is or want her to be. Ask questions about her. Dig deep. Take an interest in what she says, what she does, and what she wants. She'll notice that you do these things and it will show her that not only do you care about her but that you also respect who she is as a person.
- Ask questions about her religion, her political views, what it was like for her growing up, what she wants for the future.
- You can also ask the usual questions like her favorite color or food, but these kinds of things need to be balanced out with a deeper understanding of who she is.
- Listen to what she says. When she talks, you should be listening. Don't tune her out because she "talks too much". Pay attention because you might learn things about her that you didn't know before.^{[2]
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  Research source}
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Have a discussion when you have problems. Instead of fighting and insulting each other when you have a fight, talk things out. If you really want to treat both her and yourself right, talk about things that bother you when they happen or very soon afterward. Bottling things up and "keeping score" will just make both of you miserable.
- You also shouldn't talk behind her back. A lot of the time it's easier to complain about your girlfriend to everyone except for your girlfriend but this isn't fair to her and it isn't helpful for you. Solve the problem instead by talking to her calmly and finding a solution together.
4
Compliment her in the right ways. Of course you should give your girl lots of compliments but if you really want to treat her the way she deserves to be treated, you might want to pay attention to how you give those compliments. With a little understanding, you will be giving great compliments that make her heart just beat off the chart.
- You don't want to give them out all the time for no reason at all because it will devalue them.
- You should focus on complimenting her when it matters, such as when she works really hard or does something really kind.
- You should also watch the language that you use. Sometimes, even though a guy means to say something nice, he accidentally says something that is hurtful.
You have to be careful about how you talk because it can reveal a lot about how you think and also make the woman you're with very uncomfortable. Don't be vulgar, make off-color jokes, or be deliberately impolite (like farting in front of her). You also don't want to talk rudely about people or talk about how sexy other women are. All of these things may make her feel uncomfortable or hurt and you don't want that.
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Generally be truthful but lie smart when you have to. When you talk to her, be truthful. Lying to her, even to be kind, isn't helpful and it won't help you to build a relationship of trust. Don't tell her you'll be helping your sick grandma when really you just don't want to go see a chick flick with her. This kind of behavior is disrespectful and sets a bad precedent. When you know that telling her the truth is going to be not only painful but also unproductive or unhelpful, try to lie by omission instead.
- If she asks you something like the proverbial "Does this make me look fat?" question, then instead of saying something inevitably hurtful, turn the statement around and tell her a truth. You can say something like, "I love the way that dress makes your body look but I think the yellow dress was way prettier overall."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

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1
Don't see her as being any different than yourself. It's easy to think of girls like a different species and think that you don't understand them. However, girls really aren't any different than you. They want the same things, they have the same problems, and they have the same feelings.^{[3]
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Research source} When you realize that, it will be much easier to realize how you should treat them: treat them how you would want to be treated.
- If it's easier, think of how you would want someone to treat a woman that you love. Treat a girl the way you'd want your dad to treat your mom. Treat a girl the way you'd want a guy to treat your sister.
You want to look fly all the time. That's understandable. Who wouldn't want all the ladies to fall over themselves whenever they walk through a room? However, if you already have a girlfriend or a girl you like, working really hard to attract other women is disrespectful and rude to your girl. Just worry about looking hot to her and don't worry so much about what other women like. You shouldn't be flirting with a girl that isn't your girlfriend. You also shouldn't be showing off your body to other women.
3
Listen when she says no. When she says "no" it doesn't mean "maybe later". It doesn't mean "I'm being coy". It doesn't mean "I'm trying to make you mad". It means "no". Don't continue to bother her after she's told you no. She knows what you want and she'll let you know if she changes her mind.
- For example, if you ask her to wear a particular item of clothing and she doesn't like it, don't keep pressuring her to wear it.
4
Respect her privacy. She's allowed to have secrets from you, just like you're allowed to have secrets from her. You're both entitled to have time to yourselves and things that are just yours. Do not invade her privacy by doing things like stalking her on Facebook or checking her text messages.
- The temptation can be really strong if you see that she's left her internet browser logged in or something like that, but you should still resist. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.
5
Tell her how you feel. A lot of guys will worry about seeming manly. You don't want to seem weak, right? So they don't tell their girl how they feel. This is a huge mistake.^{[4]
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Research source} Leaving her to wonder how much you really care is just mean. You wouldn't like it if she did that to you, right? When you care about someone, you should always tell them. Tell them when you mean it most and show them how much you care in little ways every day.
- Don't hide it from others either. Your bros might tease you but they really understand: they've had girls they like a lot too. Take the teasing and make your girl happy by holding her hand when other people are around. It shows her that you're not ashamed of the close relationship that the two of you share.
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Trust her and be trustworthy yourself. Trust is the absolute most important thing in a relationship. You can't have a happy relationship if you don't trust each other.^{[5]
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Research source} This means that you need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't sweat it when she wants to hang out with her friends instead of hanging out with you. In your own behavior, don't do anything that would give her a reason not to trust you.
- Don't tell other people about the things you and your girl do behind closed doors, even if you're just telling your best buddy. This is an invasion of privacy for your girl and can be very hurtful for her. All it takes is an argument with your best friend and that secret that you shared is posted on the internet for everyone to see.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can you be supportive in a relationship?

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Be your partner's biggest cheerleader. Tell them you believe in them and make them feel like they can accomplish anything.

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Question

How can I make my relationship strong?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Make sure you're truly compatible to increase the odds that the relationship will last. The most common relationship pitfall is falling in love with the good emotions that come from a relationship without having the 'big stuff' aligned. That will differ from person to person, but it's typically things like whether you have similar views on where you want to live, whether you want children, your religion, and your long-term goals. If those don't match, when the buzz of falling in love wears off, you're going to be left with someone who doesn't want the same things in life that you want.

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Tips

Make sure you are yourself and if she doesn't like that there is no point of faking yourself for her to like you. Act as you would normally do.

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Pay careful attention to your manners at all times.

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Opening doors and pulling out chairs for the girl is not old fashioned and square, it's sweet! Any girl likes a boy who will treat her well, one who is not afraid to be sweet to her.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Don't keep mementos or keepsakes from old relationships around. You don't need to throw them away, but store them in a box out of site e.g. in the the loft. If you don't, she will think you still haven't got over your ex no matter what you say, because actions speak louder than words. If she feels uncomfortable around them, offer to put them away.
Try not to follow her too much on social media, or watch her from afar, which can come off as creepy.

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Warnings

If you exaggerate your compliments or are insincere, a girl can usually see through that.

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Don't lie to her. If you do she will automatically lose trust in you.

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Do not take her for granted! She won't always take your crap, there's always that chance that she will discover that she deserves better.

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If something scary or shocking happens to her while you're on a date, such as a zoo robot that appears broken suddenly moves, and stuns her, try to comfort her. Make sure she's close. It'll make her feel protected. Girls love to know their boyfriend has the ability to protect them.

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Make sure you're being yourself. If you act like a gentleman when you are alone with her, and then like a jerk when you're with your friends, she will catch on and you will run into trouble.

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Don't turn cute, sweet talk into dirty talk. Girls hate that.

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Don't get too carried away! Girls don't want you to go on with some story that is nothing to do with the conversation.

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Make sure she doesn't find out you tried to learn how to make her laugh by reading articles on the Internet, at least not until your one-year anniversary. By then, she's definitely into you and minor things like that won't hurt, though it may earn you a lot of teasing.

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If she tells you about a personal problem, don't make it your mission to take over and fix things. Just listen to her. (There are a few exceptions.) If she starts to cry, this is a big clue that she's really into you; it indicates that she trusts you enough to show she's vulnerable with you. A nice gesture here is to put your arms around her and just hold her. Don't say "Don't cry." Say, "Aww. It's going to be okay." At this point, while you don't want to try to take over, you can ask, "Can I help?" - let her answer with "No," or with "Yes, you could just hold me," or whatever, and then take it from there.

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There are several things that can spook a girl on a date. It's odd, but they'll appear more vulnerable during dates. It's probably to get closer to you.

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Using words or phrases she won't understand can cause her to feel uncomfortable. For example, let's say you're a computer tech and all of the people you work with use "Computer Geek-Speak" to amuse yourselves around the office. Calling her a "n00b" isn't going to help anything! Similarly, using slang you and your co-workers invented will make her feel confused and on the outside - don't use "in-jokes". In other words, if you've developed a kind of "club" or an inside joke type of slang, she won't understand or appreciate the humor. Make sure you either clue her in and bring her to the "inside" so she can understand what you're saying, or just don't use that slang or those jokes when with her.

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