How to Turn a Girl on when You're Only Friends

Co-authored by Suzanna Mathews

Last Updated: September 2, 2023

Want to be more than friends? If you're feeling a connection with a friend who you want to get to know a little better, you can learn to change the nature of your relationship slightly to get her to look at you differently. Learn to create a little distance in the relationship, before you bring her even closer than she was before.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Changing Your Relationship

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1
Start spending less time with her. That's right. If you want to change your relationship with a girl from "friend" to "lover," you need to distance yourself from her immediately. If you're spending all your time hanging out with this girl, it's possible that she doesn't think of you "that way" any more. Some people call this the "friend zone." If you want to get her attention, stop hanging out with her as much.
- You don't have to be mean to her, or try to ignore her, but just stop giving her the same kind of attention you once did. Be friendly, but don't go out of your way to talk to her, chat with her on IM, or run into her in the hallways. Just be casual.
2
Flirt with other girls. She needs to see that you're turning the charm elsewhere, so she'll reconsider the way that she thinks about you. If you want to turn her on, she needs to see that you're a viable partner and a flirty kind of person. She needs to see you act differently than you usually act with her.
- Make sure she sees! Try doing it in public places, like in the lunch room. Make a point of sitting close to her, but ignore her while you chat up her friends, or people she hangs out with. Make it seem like your eye is roaming around.
- Do some Facebook flirting, which is its kind of public. Start having funny exchanges with some girl that's in your class. Make sure they're both friends, so it shows up on her feed as well.
- Worried about your flirting skills? There's no big secret. Just have light, fun, funny conversations.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Suzanna Mathews
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.} Teasing girls gently can be flirtatious. Don't be mean, just poke a little fun.
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3
Reassure her if necessary. If you start changing, she may start to think something is wrong and you might have to do a little work to make sure she doesn't get angry with you. Remember, this is your friend. You're not trying to hurt her. Make sure you're friendly with her when you are together, but make sure you pay more attention to other girls in your social circle.
- If she asks something like, "What's wrong? Are you mad at me?" just be casual. Say, "Of course not! We're buds." But keep doing the same things, and don't go out of your way to hang out with her a lot.
4
Wait a while. If you're trying to get this girl turned onto you, slow things down a little. Once you've stopped hanging out and started flirting around with others, let that go on for at least a week or two, depending on how close you two were, to begin with. Make sure to spend enough time that she gets the hint.
- If you were hanging out with this girl every day, she'll get the hint a lot more quickly. If you only hung out now and then, it might take a while before she sees that you've changed. Go with the flow and try to read her response.
- Don't wait too long. If she gets the impression that you're not even friends anymore, she might move on from you completely and start dating another guy, or lose interest in you.
5
Get back in touch. After a while, you can start putting your plan into effect by hitting her up and arranging a hangout. After a period of not hanging out, you'll have made her feel like she'll have to do some work to get your attention back since you've been cool to her lately. Sent a text or shoot her a message asking if she wants to hang out.
- Ideally, she'll be the one to ask if you want to hang out. If she does, you'll be in a lot better shape. Don't cave at first, if she's been asking you to hang out for a couple weeks while you've been laying the groundwork. Now you know she's interested.
6
Find an excuse to hang out one-on-one. When you do get back together and hangout, make sure it's something where you'll be able to be in private together. Ask if she wants to get a coffee together, or to go do something that might be considered date-like. This will give you the chance to make her think of you differently.
- You just want to avoid doing something casual, like what you used to do. If you always used to hang out at one or the other's house and watch TV together, go out for a bite instead. You want things to be different now.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Turning Her On

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1
Look your best. Make a few little changes so she'll have a jaw-drop moment when you guys get together to hang out. Get a new outfit of clothes, get a haircut, and groom yourself. Make sure you're smelling good so she'll be able to look on your with different eyes. You want her to think of you as a potential date, not her regular old guy friend.
- There's no specific way to dress to turn a girl on. Just wear what feels comfortable and what you think makes you look good. Maybe consider dressing up slightly. No ratty B-ball shorts and joke-message t-shirt. Wear a button-down that makes you look good.
2
Open up. When you get back together, don't make it all buddy-buddy. Do something different than the way you normally talk to her. If you usually joke around and make crude jokes, have a more serious conversation. Ask her serious questions and open up to her as well.
- Try complaining about your relationships with other girls. If you want to get her thinking about you differently, try bringing up the subject of dating and see how she reacts. Say, "I've been so unhappy with the girls I've been seeing lately. I just wish I could find someone who got me as you do..."^{[2]
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  Research source}
3
Read the signals she gives you. You need to find out if she's attracted to you, or not. If she is, giving her a cooling period should have warmed her up to you considerably. She should be excited to be around you, just as you are excited to be around her. If you get similar vibes from her, then keep moving forward and try to turn her on some more. If you don't, call it quits. It didn't work. Move on.
- If she scrunches her face up and looks confused, or continues to punch your arm like the good ol' buddy you are, this might not work. She's giving you signs that you're friends and nothing more. That's ok. But don't keep going and embarrass yourself.
- If she's looking good and flirting back, it might be ok to move a little farther and see if she likes you enough for a kiss. Move slowly, but keep going.
4
Start giving her knowing little looks. Check her out. Once you've let her cool off for a while, start giving her different sorts of looks. The kinds of looks she saw you giving other girls while you were ignoring her. Just smile at her and make eye contact now and then, look away like you're embarrassed. If she asks what you're thinking, say, "Nothing."
- Don't be creepy and stare, just let yourself act the way you want to act with her. If you're feeling attracted to her, then look at her as if you enjoy it.
5
Give her little touches. A gentle touch on the hand or the arm can be electric when you're flirting with someone. It can also be a quick and easy way to gauge how she reacts and see what she's thinking. If you brush her hand when you're talking, to emphasize something funny that she says, see how she reacts. If she smiles big and seems happy, good move. If she backs up, stop.
- If you've gotten their ok, try touching her hair, or her shoulder. Just a quick caress. Don't make a big deal out of it and be creepy. Just keep it casual.
- Again, this can come off a little creepy if she's unprepared or if she doesn't feel the same way. You have to lay some groundwork for this.
6
Tell her how you feel. It's always nice to know that someone likes you. If you want to turn this girl on, tell her so. There's some electric chemistry between you that you're feeling, and you think she feels it too. You don't need to treat this any differently than if you were with some girl that wasn't your friend. Just tell her you've been thinking about there a lot lately, and you've been thinking of her as more than a friend.
- You might have to be direct if she doesn't pick up your signals!^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Suzanna Mathews
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}
- Tell her you'd like to kiss her and ask if it would be ok to do so if you're feeling comfortable enough with her to try. She may say no, she may say yes. But at least you'll know.
7
Know when to back off. Sometimes, you're just not right for each other. It's not because you failed in the "friend zone," and there's nothing you can do about it. It may just be because she doesn't like you in that way. It's ok. That may change in the future and it may not. But if you force the issue now, you may risk losing a good friend and embarrassing yourself. So know when to back off, if it doesn't go your way.
- If she's not attracted to you, she's not attracted to you. Sometimes it's just as simple as that.

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Question

How do you subtly flirt with a friend?

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University.

Suzanna Mathews

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Nonverbal communication goes a long way in getting your message across. The core of flirting is simply playfulness! Try to have fun and to build a connection, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Believe me, you'll both feel better!

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Question

How can I win a girl's heart without money?

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University.

Suzanna Mathews

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

You don't really need money. To a woman, being physically and emotionally safe is a top concern. I don't think many men understand that — and not in a malicious way; it's just that men don't really have to think about their safety as they navigate the world. Try doing stuff like offering to pick her up at her house or walking her to her car after a date.

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If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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Not Helpful 9 Helpful 39

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Warnings

Make sure she's interested. If she isn't then none of these would probably work. And if she is, some of this might make her go ballistic.

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You must confirm she is single before pursuing. Seeing her alone or hearing she's single may not be enough.

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