How to Understand Platonic Love and Friendship

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: October 31, 2023 Approved

Finding it hard to understand your feelings towards your friend? Confusing that the person is becoming more than just a friend or is it just a feeling? This article will help you to known about what platonic love is and achieve stronger friendships without the unnecessary confusion of feelings or making your friendship relationship awkward with your friend.

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Understand the difference between what love really is and what is platonic love.^{[1]
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Research source} Love is an emotional attachment with a special person expressed through action, care and affection and it is bond between people. Different types of love exist for different relationships. For example, a mother and daughter have familial love, partners have romantic love.^{[2]
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Research source}
- The love between friends is platonic love. Platonic describes a relationship that is purely spiritual and not physical. If a guy and a girl hang out all the time but aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, they'd describe their friendship as platonic.
Do you think of them romantically or erotically? Feelings such as these suggest you might have a different love for this person. If you don't have strong feeling about that person and just like to hang out with them, then you most likely have a platonic love for them.

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One of the most common confusions occur when people mistake their affection towards their friends as something deeper. Whether consciously or subconsciously, it is easy to mistake feelings of love.
It is perfectly normal for people to experience intense feelings for those they care about without the love being of a romantic nature. Very similar to romantic love, platonic love creates a powerful attachment between people.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?

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Are you starting to wonder whether your feelings for your best friend are strictly platonic? Maybe you think about them all the time or get butterflies in your stomach when they’re around; either way, it feels like there’s something more to your relationship with them. If you’re ready to figure out how you feel about your bestie (and how to deal with those feelings), take our quiz below.

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Do you try to look nice when you know you’ll be seeing your bestie?

Yes, definitely. I feel a strong need to present my best self to them, so I do my hair, makeup, everything.

Sometimes. I don't go all out, but I wouldn't see my BFF wearing sweats or something.

Maybe? I hadn't thought about it before, so I'm not actually sure.

Of course not! The whole point of a best friend is that they accept you no matter how you look.

Do you consider acquaintances as friends or do you need to have a profound knowledge of the person before you classify them as a friend? In order to identify the type of love, you must first have a comparison to what your norm for platonic love is.

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Question

We were in a relationship for 3 years, and then friends for another 3 years. When he has a girlfriend, I can't accept it. What do I do?

Community Answer

Move on. Because if not you will always be someone to fall back on for him. Find someone who feels the same way about you that you feel about them, otherwise you're going to be miserable.

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Is it still platonic love if you think of the person all the time but would not go beyond a pat on his cheek and a warm hug?

Community Answer

Most likely, yes. You can care about someone deeply and think about them a lot without it being romantic.

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As a married man, should I end a friendship with a woman if I find myself becoming attracted to her?

Community Answer

You shouldn't have to feel like you can't hang out with other women just because you're married, but make sure you realize that this will never be more than a friendship. If you start to find it harder and harder to resist turning the friendship into something more, you should cut ties with that person.

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Tips

Consider your own personal definition of friendship and love. Depending on how you perceive them, your relationships with others may vary significantly.

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Further research into the types of love may aid your comprehension of what platonic love is.

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Be honest and don't forget to communicate. Always check that things are OK so not to cross that line!

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Warnings

Platonic relationships get deeper and better over time if both parties respect the boundaries.

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Be careful about telling the other party if you feel like your feelings have changed. Give it time and figure out if you really do feel differently before you risk ruining your friendship.

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Confusion of feelings can lead to unnecessary pain and loss. Think before you make any commitments as a result of your feelings.

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