13 Signs of Mental Weakness (& How to Build Mental Toughness)

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Break through the negative patterns holding you back from greatness

Co-authored by Alicia Oglesby and Cheyenne Main

Last Updated: November 16, 2024 Fact Checked

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• What does it mean to be weak-minded?
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• Signs of Mental Weakness and Fixes
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• How Can You Develop Mental Fortitude?
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• Expert Interview

|Show more |Show less

Being “mentally weak” doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re actually weak, it just might mean that you’re used to using unproductive strategies you had to learn to survive. You might have had to act tougher or more in control to cope with a certain situation or persevere through a difficult time in your life. However, these strategies can negatively affect your mental health in the long term. With that in mind, read on to learn how you can increase your mental strength and embrace vulnerability, compassion, and intimacy.

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Section 1 of 2:

What does it mean to be weak-minded?

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1. Mental weakness means relying on habits that only help short-term. Mental weakness is the opposite of mental strength or toughness, which is the ability to cope with stress and challenges in a healthy way. Mental weakness doesn’t mean you’re weak, it’s just a way to label actions or habits that may help you keep in control short-term, but can have long-term negative effects.

   • For example, you might try to bury your emotions when a crisis arises to stay in control, but without addressing those feelings, they may come up in other ways that prolong the pain.
   • Or you might try to hide that you’re struggling with depression because you don’t want to look weak or cause your loved ones to worry. However, this can make you feel more alone and potentially worsen your mental health.
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Section 2 of 2:

Signs of Mental Weakness and Fixes

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1. 1
   Feeling envious of other people’s achievements It’s one thing to feel motivated by another’s success, but it’s another to constantly feel weighed down by other people’s achievements or inadequate because of them. When gone unchecked, this habit can lead to stress, anger, and low self-worth.

   • The fix: Try to focus on your own unique skills, abilities, experiences, and dreams. Write a list of your achievements and refer to it every time you feel envious of someone else.
2. 2
   Quickly reacting with anger Someone who gets angry quickly might find it difficult to take things in stride. Anger is a completely natural emotion, but when it gets out of control or turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your relationships, and in your overall quality of life.

   • People with mental strength get angry, too, but they may have learned how to step back from the situation and use logic to gain a more balanced perspective.
   • The fix: When you feel the anger start to rise, breathe deeply from your diaphragm and try to replace exaggerated thoughts with more rational ones.
     • For example, if you think “This is terrible, everything is ruined,” tell yourself, “This is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world, and getting angry won’t fix it.”
3. 3
   Hesitating to reach outside of their comfort zone Some people might avoid opportunities because they come with a certain amount of risk, like moving to a new country or starting a new business. However, taking chances can be a crucial way to gain experience, advance your skills, and grow.

   • The fix: Set a small, specific, achievable goal, make a plan to achieve it, and adjust as you go to simplify each task as much as possible.
     • If you want to run a 10k, pick a specific event or date. Start by running on the treadmill for 10 minutes and plan to increase that time by 30 seconds each day.
     • If you’re hesitant to take a risk and do something out of the blue, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I do this? What’s the best thing that could happen?”
4. 4
   Pointing out the weaknesses of others It’s natural for someone to take pride in their talents, but when they put other people down to focus on their own strengths, it can be hurtful. Even if they’re trying to be helpful, not put others down, most people are aware of their flaws, and pointing them out might just add salt to the wound.

   • The fix: Before you say something, try to think about how it will sound to or affect the person you’re talking to.
     • Describing how great your weekend was without asking the other person about their plans might make the other person feel bad.
     • If you’re trying to help others out, try saying something like “I’ve noticed that you’ve changed in this way, and I’m here for you if you ever want to talk” instead. Then, let them come to you.
5. 5
   Covering up weaknesses Some people might have an attitude or persona that says, “I’m the best” or “Look at how great I am,” which may just be a way to hide their self-doubt. People with mental strength invest more energy into working on their weaknesses, rather than covering them up.

   • The fix: Seek out a therapist who can give you outside support, help you identify your insecurities, and heal any past trauma that may have caused this behavior.
6. 6
   Preventing themselves from failing Some people might have unrealistically high expectations that add to their stress, making them anxious to take on new challenges and leading them to criticize themselves instead. People with healthy high standards, however, accept that they will make mistakes and get satisfaction from just trying hard to achieve them.

   • The fix: Try an activity you’ve never done before to learn to have fun with failure. You might join an art class and learn to laugh it off when a bunny you painted looks more like a shoe.
     • Try to remember that you will make mistakes, but that those mistakes often lead you to learn something new.
7. 7
   Being overly concerned with how others see them While self-awareness can help people understand themselves better, self-consciousness can take it to the extreme and lead to low self-esteem. People with mental toughness tend to have a positive mindset and assume that people aren’t talking or thinking about them negatively on a frequent basis.

   • The fix: Try to stop comparing yourself to others by challenging the way you think about yourself and reminding yourself that you have many good qualities that others might not have.
     • If you have trouble acknowledging your strengths, create a list of the things you’re good at and the obstacles you’ve overcome. Occasionally glance at them to remind you who you are.
8. 8
   Making promises and not following through on them It can be easy to take on too many responsibilities at once, especially to avoid letting others down. However, when someone promises their time to everyone, they risk forgetting about a previous commitment they made.

   • People with high mental strength, however, know how to prioritize tasks and give themselves plenty of time to evaluate their schedules before taking on new ones.
   • The fix: Practice saying “no” to small commitments to feel more comfortable setting limits.
     • If someone asks you to go get coffee when you know you need to call your mom, say “I can’t right now, but text me later and we can plan another time to go out.”
9. 9
   Letting their emotions control them Their emotions might distort what’s actually happening, which can cause them to misunderstand situations or lash out at others. People with mental strength, however, recognize the difference between their internal feelings and the outside world.

   • The fix: When you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, try this breathing exercise: inhale while counting to 4, hold it while counting to 4, exhale while counting to 4, then hold it for another count of 4.
     • Repeat this exercise until you feel calm, label the emotion you experienced (like “anxiety” or “frustration”), then think about what actually happened when you felt that emotion.
10. 10
    Depending on others for validation They might have trouble setting boundaries, overachieve to get praise, jump from relationship to relationship, or compare themselves to others constantly. A person with high mental toughness may enjoy validation from others, but are just fine making decisions and doing things on their own.

    • This behavior might have come from receiving too much or too little external validation in childhood, affecting this person’s emotions, personality, and attachment style.
    • The fix: Try replacing validation-seeking behaviors with a self-care method that works for you, like engaging in meditation or repeating positive affirmations each morning.
11. 11
    Avoiding responsibility for their mistakes While tough-minded people accept the consequence of their choices and apologize when they’ve caused problems for others, someone who lacks self-control might dismiss any mistakes they made by ignoring the problem entirely or blaming other people for doing the same thing.

    • The fix: When you make a mistake, acknowledge what you did and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable. Then, offer to make amends.
      • If you broke someone’s window, offer to have it repaired or replaced. If you hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge the pain you caused and promise to be more sensitive in the future.
      • If you feel ashamed or humiliated, say so when you apologize—that’s all part of expressing sincere remorse for your actions.
12. 12
    Refusing to ask for assistance from others Sometimes, people might be afraid that asking for help makes them look incompetent or weak, or that they might be rejected, which can be embarrassing and painful. The good news is that those fears are often exaggerated and mistaken—many people are happy to help, and strong-minded people understand this.

    • Study after study has also shown that acts of service can be beneficial to our health. People also tend to view others who ask for help as competent, not inferior.
    • The fix: Start by asking for help with small tasks. Over time, you may feel more confident asking for help with bigger things, like when you’re overwhelmed by a work task or struggling with a mental health issue.
      • Maybe you ask a stranger to open the door while you’re carrying a large item or ask a neighbor to pick up your mail while you’re away on vacation.
13. 13
    Not expressing gratitude for what they have They might focus on the “bad” things that happen each day or worry that bad things are going to happen in the future, leading to lower self-esteem. People with mental strength, however, may constantly look for the “bright side” of every situation.

    • The fix: Start a gratitude journal—try to list 5 to 10 things that you’re grateful for each day, or begin a longer list that you add 7 things to every week.
      • Learning how to express gratitude can strengthen your relationships and improve your well-being.
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