Why Does It Hurt After Not Having Sex for a Long Time? Tips to Prevent Painful Sex

Co-authored by Robert Dhir, MD and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: June 26, 2024 Fact Checked

Having sex after a long dry spell should be exciting and pleasurable. Unfortunately, though, you might find that jumping back into bed with your partner is more painful than fun. While pain during sex can be a rude shock, it’s not that uncommon. The good news is, there are things you can do to make it better. In this article, we’ll talk you through a few of the common reasons why sex might hurt after you’ve gone without for a while—and what you can do about it.

Does Sex Hurt After Not Having It For A While?

If you haven’t been having sex, the blood flow to your genitals can decrease, which makes it more difficult for people with vaginas to get wet. Friction and dryness causes pain, so use a lubricant, spend time on foreplay, and change up your sexual position if it’s uncomfortable.

1

Dryness

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Dryness is the most common cause of pain during sex. When you go for a long time without having sex, the blood flow to your genitals can decrease.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source} If you have a vagina, more blood flow down there means more lubrication.^{[2]
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Research source} If you haven’t been having a lot of sex or other kinds of stimulation lately, you might have a harder time getting wet.
- If dryness is a problem for you or your partner, try using a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly or Astroglide. This may help decrease your pain level and make sex more enjoyable for both of you!
- Proper lubrication will also help maintain a healthy pH balance in your vagina and prevent painful infections.^{[3]
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  Cedars Sinai Hospital
  Website of one of the world's leading hospitals
  
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2

Anxiety

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It’s natural to feel nervous after going a while without sex. If you’re with a new partner, or if you and your long-term partner haven’t had sex in a while, you might feel a little tense. Tension or anxiety can make sex feel uncomfortable or even painful.^{[4]
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Research source} If you’re feeling nervous, let your partner know. Take it slow and tell them if there’s anything they can do to help you feel more at ease. You could also try doing something relaxing before having sex, such as:
- Doing some deep breathing, meditation, or light stretching
- Asking your partner for an intimate massage
- Taking time to cuddle and hold each other before getting naughty
- Listening to relaxing, romantic music to get you in the mood
- Taking a warm shower or bath

3

Lack of Foreplay

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Foreplay helps you get relaxed and aroused. If you have a vagina, it will also increase lubrication so that you aren’t painfully dry down there. Before you get busy, take time to fool around with your partner and get in the mood. Experiment with your partner to find the kind of foreplay that works best for you. For instance, you can:^{[5]
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- Kiss and touch each other intimately
- Share fantasies or dirty talk
- Watch something together that you both find arousing
- Use vibrators or other sex toys

4

“Blue Balls” or “Blue Vulva”

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Sexual frustration can be painful—literally. If you have a penis and testicles, you may have experienced the pain of “blue balls,” an aching sensation in your genitals caused by unrelieved sexual arousal. People with vaginas aren’t immune to this kind of discomfort, either! The increased blood flow to your genitals when you get turned on can cause swelling and pain in the vulva and clitoris, called “blue vulva.”^{[6]
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Research source} Fortunately, these conditions aren’t serious, and they’re only temporary. You can get relief by:
- Masturbating or using a sex toy to reach orgasm
- Having sex with a partner
- Resting and waiting for your arousal to naturally pass
- Distracting yourself with an activity not related to sex
- Using a cold compress on your genitals or taking a cold shower

5

Uncomfortable Positions

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Your sexual position can cause pain for many reasons. For example, doggy style can be painful if you have bad knees, a tender cervix, or certain medical conditions, such as endometriosis or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source

Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals

Go to source} New or unfamiliar positions can also make you feel anxious, which can lead to pain.^{[8]
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Research source} Not to worry, though! If one position is painful for you, experiment with others until you find one that works.
- For instance, you might feel more comfortable doing missionary (face-to-face sex), having sex in a spooning position, or straddling your partner.
- Remember, penetrative sex isn’t the only kind of sex! If you can’t find a comfortable position, have fun experimenting with other kinds of sex, like oral sex, frottage (dry humping), using toys, or mutual masturbation.^{[9]
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6

Irritation or Allergies

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If you feel sore after sex, try changing your lube or condoms. Contact allergies and irritation are a common cause of pain related to sex, but they can be hard to diagnose. If you and your partner use lube, condoms, spermicides, toys, or other products during sex, it’s possible that one of them is causing irritation.^{[10]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health

Go to source} If you think you might have a genital contact allergy, talk to your doctor.^{[11]
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National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK

Go to source} They’ll help you find the cause and choose a healthy alternative.
- It’s possible that you are allergic to additives—such as dyes, perfumes, or flavors—in your lube, condoms, or other products that you use during sex.
- If you’re allergic to latex, go for condoms made of other materials, such as polyurethane or lambskin.^{[12]
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  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  
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7

Tightening of the Vagina

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Going a long time without sex can cause your vagina to tighten. This mainly happens to older women who have gone through menopause. Some people also experience involuntary tightening of the vagina during penetration, usually related to tension or anxiety. This condition is called vaginismus.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source

National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK

Go to source} These conditions can be really frustrating, but they are treatable. If your vagina is too tight for comfortable penetration, talk to your doctor. They might recommend:
- Using a vaginal dilator to help gently stretch and relax your vagina
- Doing pelvic floor exercises to relax and strengthen the muscles in your vagina and pelvis^{[14]
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  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  
  Go to source}
- Using creams to numb your vulva or vagina and relieve pain
- Seeing a therapist to address anxiety or other underlying issues that might be causing your vaginal tension and pain

8

Medical Issues

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If your pain is severe or won’t go away, see your doctor. They can help you identify and treat whatever is causing your pain. Your doctor may want to run some tests, and they will probably ask you detailed questions about your symptoms, health history, and sexual activity. Some common causes of pain during sex include:^{[15]
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- Tight or overactive pelvic floor muscles^{[16]
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- Sexually transmitted diseases
- Gynecological conditions, such as endometriosis, adenomyosis, or pelvic inflammatory disease
- Psychological issues, such as depression or anxiety
- A hormone imbalance, or natural hormone changes related to aging
- Inflammation of the prostate
- A tight foreskin
- Inflammation or infection in the testicles, due to a collection of fluid or trauma

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do you reduce swelling in testicles?

Robert Dhir, MD
Board Certified Urologist & Urological Surgeon
Dr. Robert Dhir is a board certified Urologist, Urological Surgeon, and the Founder of HTX Urology in Houston, Texas. With over 10 years of experience, Dr. Dhir’s expertise includes minimally-invasive treatments for enlarged prostate (UroLift), kidney stone disease, surgical management of urological cancers, and men’s health (erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, and infertility). His practice has been named a Center of Excellence for the UroLift procedure, and is a pioneer in non-surgical procedures for ED using his patented Wave Therapy. He earned his undergraduate and medical degrees from Georgetown University and was awarded honors in pre-medical studies, urology, orthopedics, and ophthalmology. Dr. Dhir served as chief resident during his urological surgical residency at University of Texas at Houston / MD Anderson Cancer Center in addition to completing his internship in general surgery. Dr. Dhir was voted Top Doctor in Urology for 2018 to 2019, one of the top three Best Rated Urologists in 2019 & 2020 for Houston Texas, and Texas Monthly has named him to the 2019 & 2020 Texas Super Doctors Rising Stars list.

Robert Dhir, MD

Board Certified Urologist & Urological Surgeon

Expert Answer

Swelling and pain in the testicle is usually either a hydrocele (collection of fluid around the testis) or an infection of the testicle (orchitis). Hydroceles larger than 5cm in diameter usually are painful or make sitting and/or exercise uncomfortable. In this instance, either drainage of the fluid pocket in the office or surgery to remove the hydrocele is recommended. Surgical correction is the gold standard treatment to fix the problem.

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Tips

Pain during sex is common, but it’s not something that you have to live with. If you frequently experience pain during sex, don’t hesitate to see your doctor. It might feel a bit awkward to discuss these issues, but your doctor is there to help!^{[17]
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