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So you made a mistake and you want to apologize for it—that’s great! Apologies are the first step towards making amends, but they can sometimes be tricky, especially if it’s your girlfriend’s dad. But he’ll appreciate and respect you for doing it, and it’s not as difficult to do as you might think. To help you do it right, we’ve put together a list of tips and strategies you can use to apologize and convince your girlfriend’s dad that you mean it.

1

Start with the word “I.”

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  1. Show your girlfriend’s dad that you’re taking full responsibility right from the very start of your apology. Keep the conversation focused on you, what you did wrong, and what you’re going to do to fix it.[1]
    • For instance, you could start with, “I need to talk to you for a minute” or “I have something I need to talk with you about.”
    • Avoid saying something like, “You and I need to talk” or “Your daughter says I need to talk with you,” which shifts the focus off of yourself and could make you look insincere.
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2

Admit that you were wrong.

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  1. Come right out and say that what you did or what you said was wrong.[2] Don’t beat around the bush. Get right to it and your girlfriend’s dad may appreciate that you aren’t trying to dance around the subject.[3]
    • Try, “I was wrong for saying/doing that” or simply, “I was wrong.”
3

Mention what you’re apologizing for specifically.

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  1. Avoid using vague or general terms or he may think that you’re just going through the motions and don’t really mean what you’re saying. Get as specific as possible.[4]
    • For instance, if you and your girlfriend got into a bad fight, say, “I was wrong to raise my voice and shout at your daughter, no matter how angry we were.”
    • Even if it’s for something relatively small, take the time to acknowledge your specific mistakes. You could say, “It was my fault we were late to the airport” or, “I should have stopped to pick up the ice and drinks like I said I would.”
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4

Take full responsibility for your actions.

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  1. Avoid bringing in anybody else to your apology. Instead, talk about your actions and how they contributed to the problem. If your girlfriend's dad asks you questions about your behavior, answer him respectfully and honestly. He'll likely really appreciate that you aren't trying to excuse what you did or blame anybody else.[5]
    • For instance, say, "I really messed up" or "It was my mistake" instead of something like, “I'm sorry this happened, but it wasn't my fault" or “She pushed me too far.”
    • If he asks you for clarification about what happened, avoid getting defensive and answer him truthfully. He may just want to understand the situation better.
6

Ask him to forgive you.

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  1. Depending on how upset your girlfriend’s dad is, he may be ready to forgive you right away. But he may also need some time. If that's the case, avoid pressuring him to forgive you. Instead, respectfully ask for his forgiveness and let him know that you understand if he needs time to think about it.[7]
    • Just simply saying that you’re sorry without asking him to forgive you could make it seem like your heart isn’t really in the apology.
    • You might say, "I understand that what I did was wrong, but would you be able to forgive me?" or "Can you forgive me for what I've done? If you need time to think about it, I understand."
7

Say that you want to make amends.

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  1. Talk about what you plan to do to make it up to him as well as your girlfriend if it involves her. Avoid using vague and general terms like “I’ll be better” or “I’m going to make it up to you.” Be specific and clear about what you’ll do.[8]
    • For instance, you could say, “I’m going to talk to a therapist about learning to control my temper” or “I’m going to set 2 alarms so we won’t be late again.”
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9

Promise that it won’t happen again.

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  1. Tell your girlfriend’s dad that you’re committed to being better and you won’t make the same mistake again in the future. Show him that you mean it through changing your ways and being conscious of your actions going forward.[10]
    • Try, “I swear, this won’t ever happen again” or “You have my word that I won’t repeat this mistake.”
    • Make a commitment to change. If you offended your girlfriend's dad by telling a rude joke, for example, think about how your words affect people going forward.
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10

Keep it short and sweet.

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  1. Try not to ramble on or make friendly conversation with your girlfriend’s dad. He may not be interested in continuing to talk with you or he may think your apology is insincere if you carry on like nothing happened. Instead, make your apology and then take your leave so he can think about it.[11]
    • You could try, “I just wanted to apologize, and now I’m going to get out of your hair.”
    • If he seems like he wants you to stay or he continues to talk to you, by all means, stick around! Just don’t try to force the situation.
11

Be prepared to have to apologize multiple times.

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Win Her Parents' Trust with this Expert Series

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Tips

  • If your girlfriend’s dad starts getting angry, back off for a bit. Wait until he’s ready to talk to you before you apologize.
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About This Article

Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Co-authored by:
Life Coach
This article was co-authored by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Michelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker based in Los Angeles, California. She is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service. She has over 15 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. Michelle has helped thousands of clients achieve peace, fulfillment, and a healthier mindset. Her ultimate goal is to provide her clients with the tools, perspectives, and resources needed to create the life they desire. Michelle specializes in supporting individuals and couples with a wide array of concerns, including depression, anxiety, love and relationship issues, ADHD, grief, stress, anger management, and career planning. Her approach is informed by neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, and behavioral biology, ensuring that the strategies she develops with clients are both effective and enduring. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University. This article has been viewed 35,484 times.
7 votes - 83%
Co-authors: 3
Updated: January 7, 2022
Views: 35,484
Categories: Making Apologies
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 35,484 times.

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