How to Ask Your Family for Money

Reviewed by Seth Hall

Last Updated: January 3, 2024 References

Family members are often the best choice for helping you with an unexpected expense. Asking will always feel a little awkward, but to make it easier, be honest about why you need the money. Sit down and have a serious discussion with your family about how much money you’ll need and how you’ll pay it back. Put the agreement in writing to make sure both you and your family feel comfortable and understand your situation.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Getting Ready to Ask for Money from Family

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Get your finances in order before asking anyone for money. Sit down and analyze your money habits. Pay attention to your bills and how much you’re spending in a month. Find ways to cut back on expenses and earn more money. Start a personal budget to keep yourself on track each month.^{[1]
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- You’ll need to know as much as possible about your financial situation to present a compelling case to your family.
- For example, if you see that you’re wasting too much money on dining at restaurants, resolve to cook at home using cheap ingredients.
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Ask people that you trust for a loan. Most people go to mom or dad first for money. If you have a solid relationship with them, great! You and the family member you ask need to trust each other thoroughly and feel free to communicate openly. Asking a distant cousin wouldn’t be appropriate unless the 2 of you have this kind of relationship.^{[2]
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- The more trust there is in your relationship with the other person, the more likely they’ll be to give you a loan.
- You can write a letter or talk on the phone, but having a face to face conversation is more effective.
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Avoid asking people who aren’t financially secure. Take the time to think about the other person’s financial situation. Asking someone who isn’t financially stable, isn't in a steady job, or has significant medical bills will seem disrespectful. Try not to pressure someone who is already under a lot of pressure themselves.^{[3]
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- Your best friend may be the person you trust most, but they aren’t the person to ask when they’re also struggling to pay bills.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Setting up the Loan

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Discuss why you need the loan. Tell the person you need to have a serious discussion with them. Take some time in a quiet environment to explain exactly what you need the money for. Honesty ensures that trust and communication stay strong even if your family is reluctant to lend money.^{[4]
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- For example, say, “I had to make a big payment on my school loan and I don’t have enough left to pay my rent this month.”
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Ask the person for the exact amount you need. It helps to bring along a copy of the expense, such as a bill or rent contract if it’s available. While asking for more than you need is inappropriate, asking for a second loan because you borrowed too little makes you seem irresponsible.^{[5]
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- For example, say, “I’d like to borrow $20 to go to the concert this weekend.”
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Create a spending budget for large loans. When you need to borrow a lot of money to pay several bills or a business loan, take time to describe how you’ll allocate the money. Writing out a clear and concise plan can convince the person that you’re responsible. This is also a great way to double-check that your personal finances are in order.^{[6]
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- For example, the budget might say, “$200 for the electrical bill, $100 for groceries, and $50 for transportation.”
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Explain how long you’ll need to pay the money back. Assess your personal budget or business plan to figure out a time estimate. This depends on the size of the loan and how much money you have available every month. You may need to go back to your budget and cut costs to repay the debt as soon as possible.^{[7]
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- For instance, a little bit of money to cover dinner might be paid back within a week, but a large business loan can take months or years.
- Asking for money should be treated as asking for a business loan no matter the size of the loan nor how close you are to the other person.
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Work out a repayment plan. Discuss how often you’ll be required to pay back some of the money. If you’re borrowing a large amount, you probably won’t be able to pay it all back immediately. Work with your family to establish a basic minimum you’ll pay during a set time period, such as every month.^{[8]
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- Establishing a plan keeps you on track. You’ll never forget to repay the loan or include it in your budget.
- Get creative! Family members may also count odd jobs such as mowing the lawn as part of your repayment. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
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Offer to pay some interest. Remember that the other person is taking a risk instead of using this money as they please. Think of how much interest they’d get from keeping the money in the bank for a month. Come up with a low-interest rate such as 1-2%, and add it to what you owe every month.^{[9]
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- The interest is a positive way to show appreciation for your family member’s assistance.
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Come up with consequences for late payment. Discuss what will happen when you don’t make a payment on time. This is up to you and your family. You might have them remind you of the loan or charge you extra next payment. Find something that motivates you to stay on track.^{[10]
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- For example, you could owe your family a favor or chore, such as babysitting your little brother.
- Establishing consequences show that you’re taking this seriously and can help facilitate open communication about what is otherwise a difficult issue.
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Sign a promissory note. You can go online and find sample templates to print. Write down the details you and your family discussed, then have everyone sign their names. This turns your request into a physical, binding agreement.^{[11]
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- A physical copy is useful for making everyone feel comfortable and clearing up any confusion that might arise in the future.
Stay in contact with your family members. Call them up from time to time like you normally would to update them on how you’re doing. If there’s any trouble repaying the loan, mention that too. You may be able to skip a payment or work out an alternative payment plan.^{[12]
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Tips

Consider alternative ways to get money. You could take out a line of credit, a personal loan, sell things, or accept odd jobs around your neighborhood.

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Avoid negotiating with your family. You’re asking for their money, so you have to play by their rules.

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Unless the person states that the money is a gift, treat it as a loan to be paid back.

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Warnings

Money is a sensitive subject for most people. Be prepared for problems in your relationships if you aren’t open honest about your situation.

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