How to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 12, 2024 Approved

If you’ve met someone special and you’ve been hanging out for a while, you might feel like it’s time to pop the question (the girlfriend question, of course!). Thinking about asking someone to be your official girlfriend might have you freaked, so remember that it’s okay to be nervous. By planning ahead just a little bit and keeping some pointers in mind, you can get the question out as painlessly as possible. If the timing is right and she likes you back, you might just land a girlfriend!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

The Casual Approach

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Get to know her. If you’re thinking about asking someone to be your girlfriend, you might already know a little bit about her. Try to chat with her and find out what she likes, dislikes, what her hobbies are, and what she does for fun. If you feel up to it, you can even add in a little bit of flirting here and there (a casual hand touch or a compliment would work great here).^{[1]
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- You can chat with her one on one, or talk in a group setting, if you’re more comfortable that way.
- If you’ve been on a few dates before, you might already know a lot about her, which is great!
2
Catch her at the right time. Try to pick a time to talk when there aren’t a ton of distractions or people listening. You can meet up in a public park, take a walk around the block, or head to a small coffee shop for some one on one time.^{[2]
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Eddy Baller
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}^{[3]
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- If the timing doesn’t feel right or you run into a group of people, you can save your question for next time. Don’t feel pressured to ask if it doesn’t feel right!
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Engage in some light conversation. Ask her about her day, tell her a funny story, or ask what she’s been up to. Even if you asked to hang out specifically so you could ask her to be your girlfriend, there’s no rush!^{[4]
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- Compliments are a great go-to if you aren’t sure what to say. You could try something like, “Your outfit looks really nice today,” or, “I just love your laugh!”^{[5]
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  Eddy Baller
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  Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- You can also keep it casual with questions like, “So how is work going?” or, “Have you been staying cool in the hot weather?”
4
Confess your feelings and ask her to be your girlfriend. When there’s a lull in the conversation, take it to a more serious territory. Tell her that you like her and ask her if she’d like to be your girlfriend. This is the most nerve-wracking part, but you can do it!^{[6]
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- Try something like, “So we’ve been hanging out for a little while, and I’m starting to have feelings for you. Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
- Or, “We’ve been friends for so long, I feel like I know you so well. I really like you, and I wanted to ask if you’d like to be my girlfriend.”
Tip: A more subtle option, so that it is not so direct and causes misunderstandings, would be "I would like to take our relationship to a higher level because I am attracted to you". Also, telling her directly if you want her to be your girlfriend is typical of boys and fifteen-year-olds.
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Respond calmly, no matter what her reply is. If she says yes, it’s time to celebrate! You can smile, laugh, and confess how nervous you were about asking her. From there, you can steer the conversation in another direction to move on with your night.^{[7]
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- If she says no thanks or that she’s not ready to be in a relationship, don’t sweat it. Everyone’s situation is different, and chances are, it doesn’t have much to do with you anyway. You can continue hanging out with her or you can wrap up the night and head home.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

The Heartfelt Approach

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Befriend her. Take the time to get to know her as a close friend before trying to progress to something more. Learn about her friends, her family, and what she likes to do for fun to see if you two would be a good match.^{[8]
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- This will also give you both time to figure out if you have feelings for each other.
2
Ask her to spend time with you one on one. Once you reach a level of friendship that allows the two of you to hang out without being in a group, invite her to spend some time with you alone. You could go to a park, a coffee shop, or even out to dinner.^{[9]
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- If you want to be cautious, ask her to visit someplace familiar yet different, like a different coffee shop or a nearby park that you have both talked about wanting to visit.
- If you want to be a little bolder, ask her to spend the afternoon or evening with you without revealing your plans. You can take her out for a nice meal, an interesting show, or a night of dancing.
3
Consider giving her a small, inexpensive gift. Unless you frequently throw gifts her way, a gift lets the girl know that there is something different—and special—about your time together this day when compared to any other day. A bouquet of flowers is always nice, or a box of chocolates to satiate her sweet tooth.^{[10]
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- Giving her a gift isn’t strictly necessary, so don’t go out and get one if it doesn’t feel right.
- You could also give her something that reminds her of an inside joke you two have.
4
Tell her seriously how you feel. After you have spent some time enjoying each other's company, sit down with her and tell her that you have something important to say. Once you have her undivided attention, tell her honestly that you have strong feelings for her and would like her to be your girlfriend.^{[11]
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- Try something like, “I really enjoy the time I spend with you and consider you an important part of my life. I can't help but have feelings for you past those of friendship, though. If you feel the same way, or think you could see me as a boyfriend, then I'd like to go out with you.”
5
Accept her answer no matter what. If she says yes, then you’re in the clear! You can keep hanging out and celebrate the fact that you two are now a couple. Maybe snap a few quick selfies to remember the moment for the rest of time.^{[12]
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- If she doesn’t accept, that’s okay too. You two can continue hanging out as friends as you look for romance somewhere else.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Asking Over Text

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Strike up a casual conversation. Start out with a simple opener that gets the conversation flowing. You could ask her what she’s been up to, how her day is going, or what her plans are for the weekend. Try to avoid a simple “hey,” since that doesn’t lead to much.^{[13]
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- Try something like, “Hey! How did the test go today?”
- Or, “Got any plans for the nice weather this weekend?”
2
Ask her a few questions about her day. Continue on with your text convo as smoothly as possible. You can see where the conversation leads naturally, or you can steer it by asking her questions about her day and what she’s doing.^{[14]
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- Good examples include, “How are you feeling today?” “What have you been up to?” and “Did you have a nice day off?”
- If she’s taking a long time to reply, don’t sweat it—she’s probably just busy. You can wait until she replies to continue the conversation or just try it again another day.
3
Send her some compliments or sweet messages. As your texting progresses, try flirting subtly with her by complimenting her or telling her how much you miss her. There’s a fine balance between laying it on too thick and being sweet, so try to toe it as carefully as possible!^{[15]
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- Try something like, “You always make me laugh.”
- Or, “I wish I could see your pretty face right now.”
- You could even sprinkle in a few Emojis here and there to amp up the romance.
4
Tell her that you like her. If you’re getting vibes that she might like you too, go ahead and let her know. You don’t have to be super serious about it, so keep it fun and casual. This is a text convo, after all!^{[16]
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- Try something like, “Hey, so I really like you.”
- Telling someone about your feelings over text isn’t ideal, but if you live far away or can’t meet up, it might be the only option you have.
5
Pop the question directly. After you confess your feelings to her, it’s time to ask the big question. Go ahead and send that text message, even if it makes you super nervous. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know!^{[17]
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- A direct approach would be something like, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
- Or you could try, “I’d love it if we could make our relationship official.”
6
Accept her response with grace. If she says yes, wahoo! You can ask her to meet up sometime soon face to face, or you can call her on the phone to express how happy you are. Your efforts paid off, and now you have the girlfriend of your dreams.^{[18]
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- If she says no, that’s okay too. Let her know that you respect her decision, and try to remain friends, if you can.

Examples and Letter to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend

Sample Examples to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend

Sample Letter Template to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend

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Question

How do you get a girl to be your girlfriend?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You could always try giving her a compliment! This is an easy way to start a flirty conversation with her. Tell her she looks nice and see how she responds. Try to keep the conversation going so you can ask her to be your girlfriend.

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What should I do if she keeps on saying I'll tell you tomorrow?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

Try being clear and direct and tell her that you need an answer. But at the same time, don't be pushy or aggressive. Make sure she knows it's okay if she says no.

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What if we can’t see each other, because we live pretty far away from each other (about 35km)?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

Distance can be tough on a relationship, but if you really like each other, you can make it work! Have an honest discussion with her about how you feel and if she thinks you can make the distance work.

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Tips

It can be really nerve-wracking to ask someone out, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.

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If she says no, move on. There are plenty of girls out there. But remember, each person is unique.

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