How to Be Less Annoying Towards Friends

Co-authored by Sheila A. Anderson

Last Updated: March 17, 2024

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It's natural for everyone to feel that they are outcasted by peers and/or friends. Sometimes, people may act this way because they feel annoyed by the way someone treats them, especially inside a friend group. There are many factors, small and large, that causes others to label your actions as irritating. If you feel like you may be annoying to your friends, you can improve on certain areas to be more comfortable with your peers, and with yourself too.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Respecting Boundaries

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If someone is uncomfortable with something you're doing, pay attention. If they say they want you to stop, or you notice nonverbal cues (like facial expressions and body language) that show something makes them uncomfortable, then you should stop.
Don't touch someone by surprise, such as poking them or coming up from behind and touching them. Instead, let them see it coming so that they have the opportunity to say no or lean away if they don't want to be touched.

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This is especially true of those who are related to you, or are your friends or significant other.
Avoid showing up uninvited or pestering someone with calls or texts if they aren't responding. Give them time to come to you.
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Ask how to help an upset friend. If you notice that your friend is in a bad mood, don't assume you know how to fix it. Sometimes people want company and sometimes they want to be alone. Sometimes they want a distraction and sometimes they want to talk about it.
- Try saying "You seem down. What would help you feel better right now?"
- Listen when they tell you what they want. For example, if they say "I want to be alone," then leave them alone for a while.
Even if their things are not private, they may still feel violated if you touch things that are in their personal space. If you wish to borrow something, ask for permission first and allow the person to give the item to you.
Avoid butting into a conversation by (for example) saying, "What are you talking about?" If you hear someone talking about something with another person, and you only catch the last sentence, leave it alone.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Keeping a Healthy Attitude

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Just because you're confident doesn't mean you have to act like you're better than anyone else. Don't do or say things that might let you appear to be arrogant, like bragging about your wealth or success. There are some people who need to prove that they, and only they, had the ultimate experience. This is known as “One-upping” your friends. This is so universally hated that people actually will laugh at you if they see you doing this consistently. Bragging does not make your friends think you are any greater, it makes you look pathetic, it makes friends sick of you and it is human nature to avoid braggarts.
2
Share the spotlight. Being the center of attention can be fun. Remember that other people deserve to take turns too. Make time for them to talk about their lives and their issues.
- If it's someone else's turn, avoid trying to turn things back to you. You'd feel upset if someone did that to you, so don't do that to your friend. Let things focus on them. You can take your turn once their turn is over.
- Try to have a list of interesting questions on hand that you can ask to get to know other people on a deeper level.
3
Read the room when it comes to your emotions. Notice the general mood that everyone else has. If you try to interrupt that feeling (e.g. telling jokes when someone just told a sad story), people may feel like you aren't paying attention to what's important to them right now.
- Of course, you can still bring up things about your life. Just wait a bit if it seems like a bad time.
Sometimes people are imperfect or different from you, and that's okay. Avoid badmouthing them or treating them like they're inferior. People notice this type of thing and they feel less comfortable around you because they'll worry that you judge them too.
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Don’t pretend you are perfect. Apologize when you upset someone. You messed up, just accept it and be humble enough to apologize. This helps people trust you more.
- Remember—being perfect isn't relatable. We all make mistakes or mess up once in awhile. Handling yourself maturely makes you look more human and relatable, thus increasing your charisma.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Skipping Bad Habits

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Don't block walkways, blast your music, or create strong smells (e.g. cigarette smoke or intense perfume) in an area where people are "trapped" (such as a bus stop or crosswalk). Your actions shouldn't interfere with other people's ability to move through public unbothered.
Don't peek down people's shirts for instance, don’t talk about biological functions in public. Cover your nose and mouth with your elbow when you sneeze or cough. Take care to brush and/or floss after meals so as not to inflict your breath on others. Take a shower everyday and put on clean clothes every day.
3
Avoid making distracting noises or motions that affect others. Issues like pencil tapping, chewing with your mouth open, or shaking your leg such that it shakes someone else's desk can bother people.
- It's okay to be fidgety if that's the way you are. Find a way to fidget quietly without distracting others.
- Redirect your fidgeting if someone says it's bothering them.
People may find it irritating if you are always trying to copy their actions. Not only will it make them uncomfortable, it will create the impression that you're not happy with yourself and can't value your individuality.
5
Practice good email and text etiquette. Send things because you think it'll improve your relationship or be helpful to someone. Stay polite and kind in all your messages.
- Don't forward chain mail, even if it's warning about something scary or suggesting you could get paid. This type of stuff is always fake and it can annoy people.
- Avoid sending more than 2 messages in a row if someone isn't responding. Give them time to answer you. It may be that they're busy right now and will be able to get to you later.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Speaking Politely

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Try to speak at a moderate pace and volume. If you've been told you talk too quietly or too quickly, work on changing that so people can understand you better.
2
Avoid interrupting people when they're talking. Interruptions can make people feel like you don't care what they have to say. Give them time to finish their thoughts. Wait for a short pause before you speak.
- Accidents happen. If you interrupt someone, say "I'm sorry. What were you saying?" Then listen closely.
3
Remember to listen to the other person. When you're talking, give pauses to let them comment or ask questions. When they're talking, listen actively and show that you care what they have to say.
- When in doubt, focus on being interested, not interesting. People love it when you listen to them.
4
Avoid correcting people over things that don't matter. Correcting people on issues like spelling, grammar, or minor facts will usually annoy them instead of helping them. Let it slide unless they have asked for your help or if they are wrong about something important.
- If you do need to correct someone, do it gently and try to help them save face.
5
Avoid needless arguments. Arguing can stress people out and make them uncomfortable around you. Don't push people into a debate if they aren't interested, and if they seem uncomfortable, let it drop.
- Avoid telling people that their life experiences are wrong.
Tip: Of course, if someone says something truly awful (such as a bullying or discriminatory comment), you might choose to disagree out loud to let them know that it's out of line.
Remember the world does not revolve around you. If you complain too much, others will avoid you. This also goes for constantly insulting yourself, which is not humble - it's another form of self-absorption. It's normal to feel bad once in a while, and to express your discontent. But, you also need to know when to get over it and move on. Read up on how to be optimistic.
Making an inside joke or reference with a friend while a second friend is present can make the second friend feel left out, if you do this then you should tell the other friend what you are talking about or try to explain what you mean. Most times this isn’t something that gets on peoples nerves, but if it happens multiple times in a single conversation, it’ll irritate the second friend to the point of him wanting never to talk to you.
If you’re doing something no one else around you is doing and you know they don't think what you’re doing is a good thing then you need to stop.
9
Recognize signs that someone isn't interested in the current topic. As you talk, keep an eye on your conversation partner's mood. If they seem disengaged, then let the subject change.
- If someone isn't interested, it usually doesn't mean anything bad about you. It just means that this isn't the right topic right now. Try asking about something that they're interested in.
If they have their license they know how to drive, if not, why are you in the car with them driving?
12
Dodge sensitive topics if you can tell someone doesn't want to talk about it. If someone mentions a fact that they seem to be sad or embarrassed about, avoid bringing it up.
- If you aren't sure what would make them happy, try saying "we can talk about it or not talk about it if you'd like."
However, this is taken too far by some people. Relentless insulting and name calling isn’t a way to bond with a person.
It is very unattractive and annoying to hang out with someone who ignores principles and ethical standards. Be conscientious of the beliefs others have.
(a) Act insensitive and therefore hurt their feelings. (b) Act overly sensitive and constantly annoy your friends by making a huge deal out of something that didn’t really matter and getting hurt by things that are very minuscule. The solutions to both of these problems are: (a) Stop acting like a jerk. (b) Stop reading into things so much, the world doesn’t revolve around you.
Even if your words are thoughtful and important, your tone of voice may indicate frustration, crankiness, or a condescending attitude, or flippancy or arrogance or any number of things which give folks the wrong impression and causes them to hate your guts. Learn to read facial reactions and body movements. Pay attention to the facial expressions and body language of those around you and work to immediately identify and stop whatever you're doing that is annoying others.

Become a Diplomatic Communicator with this Expert Series

Effective and diplomatic communication is one of the most effective life skills you can develop. Learn how to be clear, kind, and straightforward in your communication with this expert series.

1

Not Be Rude

2

Be More Careful About What You Say

3

Respond to Rude Comments

4

Be Less Annoying Towards Friends

5

Say What You Mean Without Being Mean

6

Speak Clearly

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How do I become someone people want to be around?

Sheila A. Anderson
Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
Sheila A. Anderson is a Certified Image Consultant, International Branding Icon, and the Founder of Image Power Play, an impression management and personal branding company. With over three decades of experience, she specializes in empowering corporate professionals to raise their personal image to meet the value of their brand. Sheila is a Certified Image Consultant with The Image Resource Network and a Certified Universal Style Consultant with The Universal Style International. Sheila is a member of the C-Suite Network Advisors and the author of the book, I.C.U., The Comprehensive Guide to Breathing Life Back Into Your Personal Brand.

Sheila A. Anderson

Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon

Expert Answer

Focus on improving your charisma! Add mirroring techniques to your day-to-day interactions, where you "mirror" someone else's body language and reactions. Also, try to talk to others in a positive, genuine, and uplifting way—this helps you build rapport.

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I have a habit of texting my friend often just to say 'Hi', she finds it annoying. What should I do?

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This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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If you're not saying anything else to your friend than "Hi," then it's going to be annoying because she has to check the phone, see the same uninformative message every time and learn nothing about what you really want to say. In future, try to stop yourself from texting this simple message. Instead, only text her when you actually have something of interest or importance to say, so she'll know it's worth checking your messages. She'll be grateful and she'll stop suggesting that you're being annoying.

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How can I talk less?

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Genuinely listen to others. Count to three slowly before you reply so they have enough time to finish their train of thought before you cut them off. Practice this skill. It is extremely unpleasant to be on the receiving end of someone who is holding you hostage in a conversation because they won't be quiet.

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Tips

Don't point out your friend's flaws, like bad eyesight, hearing, or memory.

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Don't copy the things your friend does. This is beyond annoying.

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Try not to pay attention to your friends a lot-if you don't then they will get more curious and stick with you.

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