How to Be Mysterious to Attract Others

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The expert guide to amplifying your charisma and mystique

Co-authored by Nicole Moore and Eric McClure

Last Updated: July 1, 2024 Fact Checked

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Mysterious people are attractive because human beings are naturally curious. The more dynamic and curious you seem, the more people will want to hang out with you to learn more. When you allow people’s imaginations to fill in the gaps about you, they’ll be drawn in to see if their assumptions prove to be correct. We’ll show you how so that you can pull the guy or gal of your dreams (or even just make more friends).

Cultivating a Mysterious and Attractive Vibe

Connect with people by making eye contact, smiling, and asking them questions about themselves.
Better yourself by learning as much as you can and pursuing things you care about to pique the interest of others.
Avoid oversharing and don’t be too available so others find you mysterious.

1

Stay cool and collected.

You'll seem mysterious if people can't figure out what you're thinking. Animated people don’t leave much to the imagination because they always need to be the center of attention. To be attractively mysterious, be calm, somewhat serious, and relatively even-keeled. Be the cool and calm center in the storm, no matter how lively things are around you.^{[1]
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- Don’t react strongly when people surprise you or get kind of confrontational.
- Avoid drama. People who get caught up in personal squabbles and gossip don’t tend to cultivate mystery.
- This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t express yourself! Just be careful about overdoing it or getting rattled in the face of chaos.

2

Become an expert in something.

People will want to know how you got so smart. You’re mysterious and intelligent. Because you won’t be talking about yourself much, learn about a few interesting topics that you can talk about at length. Not only does this keep the conversation away from your personal story, but it also shows that you’re passionate enough about a subject to learn it.^{[2]
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- Make sure that the topic is something that would intrigue people. True crime, fashion, auto repair, history, and art are all fun areas to investigate.

3

Ask a lot of questions.

People are naturally attracted to people who show interest in them. Asking questions is an excellent way to be mysterious and attract people. It allows you to keep the conversation away from your personal details, it shows interest in another person, and, most of all, it allows people to talk about themselves. People will think you’re especially interested in them and be flattered that you wanted to hear their story.^{[3]
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- Start off with simple questions like, “Where are you from originally?” or, “Where would you travel to if money was no object?”
- Listen to the answers and ask questions based on those answers like, “Oh, you’d like to travel to Paris? What is it about the City of Lights that you find attractive?”

4

Keep some things to yourself.

Leave some details about your personal life out. Maybe don’t share where you grew up, or don’t talk a lot about your old school if you just transferred. Don’t be an open book. Instead, be a little mysterious and let other people guess about what fills in the gaps. That will encourage people to ask questions, think about what you’ve said, and fill in the gaps of your story with their imaginations.
- A great way to approach this idea is to only answer questions that you’re asked about yourself as opposed to simply offering up information.
- Even when you’re answering questions, give as little information as possible while still satisfying the questioner.
- If someone asks you about your weekend, make some vague reply such as "I met up with some friends and we did some things in town." If they question you further, just say nothing and smile mysteriously.

5

Avoid being available 24/7.

Take your time replying to people and maintain private space. If you’re always available, you might seem eager and you certainly won’t appear mysterious. Instead, be available sometimes. This will make your attentions feel like a reward.
- This applies to phone calls, texts, video chats, and get-togethers. If your phone rings, let it go to voicemail sometimes. If you receive a text or direct message, don’t read it right away.
- If someone suggests that you get together, don’t enthusiastically say yes. Check your calendar first. You’re mysterious when you’re often unavailable.

6

Make the occasional impulsive decision.

A little unpredictability is the spice of life. This doesn’t mean that you should act out of character or do anything dangerous. Certainly don’t freak your crush out or hurt their feelings. Being unpredictable simply means defying your own routines and patterns every now and then. This will demonstrate that there are still some secrets up your sleeve and keep people interested.^{[4]
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- For example, if you always grab a coffee on your way to work, decide to go for a jog instead one day.
- Or, if you always wait for your love interest to call you, surprise them with a phone call.

7

Make eye contact.

Eye contact demonstrates confidence and coolness. Also, when you make eye contact with someone, it shows that you’re interested in learning more about them. Make sure that you don’t hold eye contact for too long—about 2 seconds is good—lest you come off as creepy or intimidating.
- Try establishing eye contact and then looking away, leaving the other person wondering if you were truly looking at them or not.

8

Maintain reserved body language.

Nothing cultivates mysteriousness like a laid-back posture. Don’t hesitate to lean against the back wall at the party, kick back in your chair during class, or prop your arm up on the back of the empty chair next to you at the restaurant. Keep your hands in your pockets or fold your arms when you’re quietly observing others.^{[5]
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- All of this chill and self-assured body language will pique the interest of others and make them curious about how you’re always so laid back.

9

Make people smile.

If you can get a laugh or smirk out of someone, you’re crushing it. Just because you’re mysterious doesn’t mean that you can’t be charming. Smiling makes people feel good and it makes people instantly feel warmer toward the person that made them smile. Don’t be afraid to smile yourself, too. This shows a good-natured appreciation of life that is attractive to just about everyone.^{[6]
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- You don’t have to talk to someone to make them smile. When you’re making eye contact, give the other person a little smile. They’ll return the favor.

10

Engage in conversations.

Being mysterious doesn’t mean you shouldn’t socialize. Just because you’re not going to spend much time talking about yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t direct the conversation. Be active when you’re talking to people and engage in whatever topics come up. This will demonstrate that you’re confident and knowledgeable about a variety of topics.^{[7]
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- It’s still better to listen more than you talk. This way, you’ll avoid oversharing or eroding too much of the mystery.
- Look for natural opportunities to shift topics if something isn’t relevant, which will come up typically in someone else’s response to something.

11

Develop a subtle fashion sense.

Flashy dressers don’t normally leave much to the imagination. You don’t want to stand out in a crowd because of your flashy clothes, bright colors, or loud patterns. Instead, keep your clothing somewhat modest, but still different from everyone around you. Darker colors and unique patterns are more mysterious.^{[8]
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- If people around you tend to wear jeans, for example, consider wearing boot-cut jeans. If everyone wears boots, consider loafers.

12

Be creative.

Think outside the box to keep people on their toes. People are attracted to your mysterious demeanor, and creativity is a sign of a confident, mysterious person. Creativity shows that you can be playful and disciplined and that you view the world from a unique perspective. Share that uniqueness with the object of your affection to maintain the mystery.^{[9]
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- Creativity doesn’t just mean “artistic.” You might not have an artistic bone in your body and that’s just fine. Be creative with your answers to people, your solutions to problems, or even how you spend time with your partner.
- For example, rather than suggesting dinner and a movie, be creative and take your partner to a place they’ve never been, like a state park.

13

Reciprocate your crush’s feelings.

If you’re into someone, don’t be so mysterious you miss your shot. If you’re trying to attract someone, ease up on the mystery schtick as you get to know them better. This will make them feel closer to you so that you can formally ask them out (if you aren’t already dating). People tend to feel more attracted to those who they feel are attracted to them, so reciprocate their interest in you.^{[10]
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- For example, you can still be mysterious and bring your love interest flowers or send a simple text that says, “Thinking of you.” Small gestures mean a lot, especially from a mysterious person.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I be mysterious over text with a guy?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Bring up short and attention provoking things to a guy and then simply vanish for a while. For instance, text him something like "Hi, I saw you in my dream last night and it was a good one" and leave him wondering what happened in that dream. The fact that you don’t share more is going to make you seem so cool and mysterious.

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Question

I think that when a man is mysterious, it drives me crazy. How can I not feel like a creep when I try to find out more?

Community Answer

Be subtle when you're asking. You can also act mysterious yourself to make him want to know more about you. If being mysterious doesn’t work out for you, try being more seductive. You can get anything out of a guy by being seductive.

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