How to Make Your Mom Happy When She’s Sad or Upset

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Expert-backed ways to cheer up your mom whenever she’s down

Co-authored by Rebecca Kason, PsyD and Sophie Burkholder, BA

Last Updated: November 22, 2024 Fact Checked

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Comforting Her When She’s Sad

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Showing Your Mom You Care

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Offering Practical Help

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

Your mom is likely one of the most important people in your life, so it can be hard to see her feeling down. If you are wanting to cheer up your mom, there are many ways to put a smile back on her face, from talking to her about her feelings to showing her you care with gifts or acts of service. We interviewed licensed clinical psychologist Rebecca Kason for expert tips on making your mom feel happy when she’s upset. Find those tips and more in the guide below!

How to Make Your Mom Feel Better

Ask your mom what’s bothering her and how you can support her. Give her a big hug and remind her how much you love her.
Show your mom you care by reaching out to her or giving her a small gift. Randomly call or text her and invite her to do something fun with you.
Comfort your mom when she’s stressed by taking something off her plate: offer to help around the house or run an errand on her to-do list.

Section 1 of 3:

Comforting Your Mom When She’s Upset

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Ask your mom if she wants to talk about what's bothering her. Have this conversation with your mom when you have one-on-one time and when neither of you has anywhere to be. If possible, have an in-person conversation rather than over the phone or on a video call.^{[1]
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- For example, you could try talking to your mom after dinner or when you’re spending the day together during the weekend.
- Say something simple: "I’ve noticed you seem a little sad today. What’s wrong?”
- Asking your mom what’s wrong will show her that you care about her feelings and want to make her feel happier.
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Validate your mom’s thoughts and feelings. Once your mom has shared why she’s upset with you, make her feel comfortable and understood by “validating [her] emotions, behaviors, or thoughts,” recommends clinical psychologist Rebecca Kason.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
- “This doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them,” clarifies Kason, but “it means that you find them understandable.”^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Kason, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
- To validate your mom’s feelings and make her feel better, say something like “I can understand why you feel that way” or “That’s a really frustrating and upsetting situation.”
- If you’re not completely clear on why this particular thing upset your mom, say something like, “I can tell this is really important to you, and I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly. Can you explain this part of it to me again?”
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Ask your mom how you can support her. Your mom may have a specific thing she’s worried about that you can offer your help with. For example, if your mom is stressed about cleaning the house before your grandparents visit, you could offer to help her clean up.
- If your mom is having trouble coming up with a way for you to support her, licensed clinical psychologist Rebecca Kason advises giving “a multiple choice option that includes a normalizing statement.”^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Kason, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
- Kason gives the following example to use in this situation: “Sometimes when I am upset I like to have some alone time; other times when I am upset, I want someone to hear me out. Which do you think would be best for you right now?”^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Kason, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
- If she still can’t make a choice, Kason recommends making a “‘best guess’ and modeling that coping skill for her” by saying something like: “‘It seems like it’s not a great time to talk about XYZ. I am going to take a break for a little while to go on a walk, and we can revisit this tomorrow if you’d like.’”
At the end of your conversation, or at another point during the day, ask your mom if you can give her a big hug. Try smiling at her, too. It seems simple, but hugs are great for cheering people up and making them feel supported.^{[6]
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Say something kind and affectionate to your mom. You could compliment her, tell her you love her, or name something you admire about her. Even though it can be really sad to see your mom cry, remember that she loves you deeply and your words mean a lot to her. Try one of these caring statements:^{[7]
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- “I love you.”
- “You are important to me.”
- “I appreciate everything you do for me.”
- “I care about you.”
- “You’re not alone.”
- “I see how strong you’re being right now.”

Section 2 of 3:

Letting Your Mom Know You Care

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1
Reach out to her with a phone call or text. If you and your mom aren’t physically in the same place, give her a call or send her a message to let you know you’re thinking about her. Ask her how her day is going and fill her in on any updates in your life.^{[8]
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- You don’t need a particular reason to call your mom; you can just chat!
- If you text her, add a smiley face, heart emoji, or find a funny GIF to brighten up the message.
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Tag her in a social media post. Post a sweet message on your mom’s Facebook page that all her friends will also be able to see and comment on. Or, post an appreciation post for her on your Instagram story that she can repost to her own account.
- Try posting something you know will make her smile, such as a silly cat picture, a movie-related meme, or even a sincere compliment.
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Invite her to do something fun. Ask her to do something with you that she loves, or that involves a mutual interest or hobby. Your mom probably always wants to spend more time with you, so inviting her to do something fun together is a great way to cheer your mom up when she’s down.^{[9]
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- For example, if your mom enjoys biking, then you can ask your mom to go for a bike ride with you.
- If your mom enjoys shopping, you can ask her to meet you at the mall.
- If she’s a foodie, you can ask her to go to lunch with you at a new restaurant.
- If you two always bond over your shared love of comedy, invite her to a stand-up show.
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Surprise her with a small gift. Draw her a picture, get her a bag of her favorite candies, or pick some pretty wildflowers and put them into a vase to surprise her when she gets home. If your mom lives far away, you can send her a care package or order her a surprise food delivery when you know she’ll be home.^{[10]
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- Any kind of sweet gift or treat to surprise your mom is sure to cheer her up and comfort her when she’s down.

Section 3 of 3:

Helping to Lighten Your Mom’s Load

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Clean the house. While your mom’s out of the house, tidy up the bathroom, living room, and kitchen so she doesn’t have to. Do some of your mom’s daily household chores for her, like doing the dishes, vacuuming, dusting furniture, taking out the trash, or feeding any pets.
- If you still live with your mom, clean your bedroom without being asked—she probably gets tired of nagging you, so that’ll be a sure way to cheer her up and make her feel like you’re listening!
- Picking up after yourself or helping your mom with chores is a great way to help out at any time, whether you’re trying to get your mom to forgive you when she’s mad or if you’re just trying to be kinder to her in general.
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Offer to make dinner. If you are old enough to cook and know how to cook something your mom likes to eat, make a homemade meal for her. You don't need to make an elaborate meal—keep it simple if you need to. The point is to give your mom a night off from cooking so that she can relax and take care of herself!
- For example, if you know how to make mac and cheese, then make a batch for dinner and pair it with some carrot sticks or a salad.
- You can cook for her at the house or pick up a meal and bring it home.
- Alternatively, you could offer to pick up groceries for her so she has one less errand to run.
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Ask your mom what would help her the most. If your mom needs cheering up, asking this question alone will make her feel better. She will appreciate your consideration and may suggest something you could do that would really make a difference in how she’s feeling.
- Try saying, “Mom, I want to help you out and take something off your plate. What can I do?”
- If you ask your mom how you can help cheer her up, make sure you follow through. If you offer to help and then bail on her, it will probably make her feel even worse.

Expert Q&A

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Question

What do you do when your mom is sad?

Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Rebecca Kason is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist licensed in both New York and New Jersey. She specializes in adolescent mental health, dialectical behavior therapy, and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Dr. Kason treats clients struggling with emotional dysregulation, behavioral disorders, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, depression, and phobias. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from The University of Delaware and a Master's degree in Applied Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University. Dr. Kason completed an APA accredited internship at Mount Sinai Services. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and Association for Behavior and Cognitive Therapy.

Rebecca Kason, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Start with validating their emotions, behaviors, or thoughts. This doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them, but that you find them understandable.

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Question

How can I help my mom with stress?

Rebecca Kason, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Rebecca Kason is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist licensed in both New York and New Jersey. She specializes in adolescent mental health, dialectical behavior therapy, and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Dr. Kason treats clients struggling with emotional dysregulation, behavioral disorders, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, depression, and phobias. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from The University of Delaware and a Master's degree in Applied Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University. Dr. Kason completed an APA accredited internship at Mount Sinai Services. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and Association for Behavior and Cognitive Therapy.

Rebecca Kason, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Ask how you can support her. If she is having trouble answering, you can give a multiple choice option that includes a normalizing statement. For example, “Sometimes when I am upset I like to have some alone time, other times when I am upset I want someone to hear me out. Which do you think would be best for you right now?”

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Tips

While it’s kind of you to comfort your mom from time to time, remember that it’s not your job to support your parents emotionally. If you’re experiencing emotional parentification, it may be time to establish boundaries with your mom and find new ways to support her that don’t affect your own mental health.^{[11]
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Remember that it is also possible your mom may just be feeling a little blue. This happens to many people, and it doesn’t always happen for a particular reason.

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However, if your mom continues to feel sad or you’re seeing signs of depression, you may want to gently advise her to talk to a therapist or doctor.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

If she doesn't want to say why she is sad, don't keep bothering her about it. Maybe it is something that she doesn't want to say or can't say. You can still make her feel better by helping around the house or doing something nice for her.
If your mom is feeling sick in bed, cheer her up by dressing as her personal butler or waitress. Ask her what her order is, then cook it up in the kitchen and bring it to her on a tray.
Try to stay in a positive mood, at least for a little while, and avoid starting needless arguments with siblings or other people in the house.
Make a craft for her like handmade jewelry or a homemade card.

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