How to Make Your Parents Proud of You

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Co-authored by Wits End Parenting

Last Updated: July 15, 2024 Approved

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Being Kind

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Doing Your Best

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Trying New Things

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

It is always nice to feel great when you know you’ve done something that makes your parents swell up with pride. If you want to make your parents proud, there are a few things you can work on, like trying to always be a kind and considerate person and pushing yourself to pursue new challenges and activities.^{[1]
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Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.} You should also focus on doing your best and working hard.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Kind

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1
Be a great listener for people who need it. Your friends, family members, and even people you don’t know very well will sometimes need an open ear. Pay attention if people share their stories or problems with you. Don’t interrupt or zone out, or try to shift the conversation to focus on you. If someone’s asking for your advice, let them tell you their whole problem before weighing in.^{[2]
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- Your parents may also need a good listener sometimes!
- Use body language to let people know you’re listening. Tilt your head, nod along, and maintain eye contact.
- You’ll find that people don’t always want you to say something or tell them what to do after you’ve listened. They just need you to be there for them as a sounding board.
2
Help people in need when you can. Look for ways to give back to your community. Volunteer your time for a cause that holds a special place in your heart. You can also be helpful to your family, friends, and even strangers in small ways every day.^{[3]
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- Go online to search for places to volunteer. It could be anyplace, from an animal shelter to a museum to a senior home - it's up to you!
- If you still live with your parents, you can spend a little extra time doing stuff around the house (even things that aren’t your chores).
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3
Perform small acts of kindness every day. Strive to add kindness to your day-to-day life in small ways. Pay someone a heartfelt compliment, help a friend study for a test, or buy a stranger’s coffee. You’d be surprised how important these little acts can be for someone who’s struggling or having a bad day!
- If you don’t live with your parents anymore, doing little, unexpected things for them is a great way to show you love them. Take them out for a bite to eat and pick up the tab.
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Act polite when interacting with others.^{[4]
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Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.} Your manners say a lot about who you are as a person. Using "please" and "thank you" can make a big impression on others. Make sure to be polite to everyone you interact with, including colleagues, peers, strangers, and family friends.
- For example, if you bump into someone, be sure to apologize and say "excuse me."
- Writing thank you notes is a great way to express gratitude.
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Put yourself in other people’s shoes to empathize. It can be really hard to care about people you don’t know. You might feel a little sad about bad things happening to other people, but not too much because those things don’t affect you. Imagine yourself in others’ places to feel compassion.^{[5]
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- For example, maybe you saw on the news that a storm destroyed people’s homes and possessions in a faraway city. Ask yourself, “how would I feel if I suddenly had nowhere to live and owned nothing except what I could carry out of my house?”
- You should also turn your empathy into action. Take initiative and start a fundraising drive at your workplace or school to send help to strangers in need.
6
Forgive people even when you’re hurt. Don’t look for ways to hurt someone back if they’ve caused you pain. One of the things parents most want their kids to learn is how to forgive. It’s a super hard thing to do, but it’s really important. Let go of your anger or frustration. Remember that we all make mistakes, including you.^{[6]
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- It’s much better to talk about problems than to let them fester. If you’re feeling hurt by a friend, tell them. Say: “Hey Emily. I know you probably didn’t mean to be hurtful when you told me that I’m probably not going to get that promotion, but it made me feel unsupported. Can we talk about ways to be truthful with each other without being mean?”
7
Stand up against bullies and unkindness. People who are shy or different might be targeted by bullies either online or in person. Instead of being oblivious to this kind of behavior, your parents probably want you to be aware that it happens every day. When you see it in your own life, do what you can to safely stop the situation.^{[7]
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- For example, if you notice another student getting made fun of because of their accent or skin color, say something like: “You know, John, I think the things you’re saying aren’t true and are really hurtful. Try to imagine saying something like that to you. How would you feel?”
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Avoid gossiping and saying or doing mean things to others. Your parents will be pretty disappointed to find out you’re the one doing the bullying. There’s no reason to be mean to other people. Any time you’re tempted, imagine what your words or actions would feel like if they were aimed at you.^{[8]
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- Keep in mind the clichéd but still-relevant advice: “Don’t say anything if you don’t have anything nice to say.”
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Be good to your siblings and family members. As you get older, it will fall on you (rather than your parents) to keep in touch with your siblings and other relatives. Doing this will show your parents that you value the family they helped build and that you’re part of.^{[9]
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Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.}
- If you’re still living with your parents and siblings, focus on respecting each other’s boundaries and helping the others out when they need it. You’ll probably generally talk to other relatives on family phone calls, but it also never hurts to call grandma on your own.
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Respect your parent's time. Your parents may be busy people. Try to let them know if you will be late for something or if you will miss a family activity. If they struggle with making plans, offer to organize the plans or schedule things far in advance. This will show that you are sensitive to your parent's needs while allowing you to still bond with them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Doing Your Best

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1
Encourage family activities at home. Spending quality time with your parents, siblings, and other family members will strengthen your bond as a family. Eat dinner together, host a game night, or go out on a walk together. These simple activities can help your parents get to know you as a person.
- If your parents are busy, offer to cook dinner one night. They will be proud of your cooking abilities, and it will be a great opportunity to grow closer.
- Try designating one night a week for the whole family to hang out. You could watch a movie, go out to dinner, or do a craft together.
It may feel like your parents want you to get straight A’s and win every baseball game, or to be a doctor even though you’re an artist. What they probably want is for you to get the most out of life. If you do your best and learn from your experiences, your parents have every reason to be proud of you.^{[10]
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3
Take the time to reflect on mistakes. There’s always going to be a test you fail, a relationship you screwed up, or a silly thing you shouldn’t have done. These mistakes will likely disappoint both you and your parents. You can make your parents proud, however, by thinking about what led you to stumble. Avoid making the same mistake twice if you can.^{[11]
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- If you bomb a math test, ask yourself how you might change your behavior in class or practice new study habits. Talk to your teacher about what you can do to get a better result on the next exam.
Your parents don’t want you to be like someone else. They love you! If you ever find yourself worried about how amazing someone else is, remember that you’re unique and no one is perfect.^{[12]
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Make choices that give you lots of options. You don’t need to go to college or make a million dollars to make your parents proud. However, your parents want you to be able to do things that will allow you to be happy and healthy for the rest of your life. They’ll appreciate it if you care about your education and find a stable job that can support you.^{[13]
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- For example, your parents will certainly be proud when you get your first job (even if you kind of hate it) with a nice salary and benefits like health insurance. This will show them that you know these things are an important part of being an adult.
- While you don’t need to go to college to make your parents proud, most parents will probably want their children to go to college, or to attend some sort of trade school. They know that having this extra education will make it easier for you to find a job and support yourself.
6
Recognize that your life is your own. Ultimately, what’s most important is how you feel about your life. While you should care what your parents think and want to make them proud, make choices based on what you want.
- This is especially important to remember if you feel like your parents are pressuring you to be someone that you’re not.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Trying New Things

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1
Look for challenges that will make you grow. Your parents want you to try new things. They’ll be especially proud of you for trying something that you both know could be tough for you. Look for experiences that will be hard but worthwhile.
- This could be going out for the lead in the school play, taking the Advanced Placement English class, or deciding to go back to school and get your Master’s degree.
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Avoid being afraid of failure. Instead of focusing on the bad things that could happen if you don’t succeed, think about about how much you’ll learn from new experiences. Whenever you find yourself being negative about a new hobby or activity, remind yourself of one positive you’ll gain from it.^{[14]
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- For example, maybe you just decided to take the upper-level Calculus class. Instead of thinking “what if I get a zero on every test?” tell yourself “I’m going to be super well-prepared for college math classes.”
- As you grow older, there are a lot of scary decisions you’re going to have to make on your own. Thinking about the outcomes positively will help you pursue your dreams, which is all your parents want for you.
More than anything else, your parents want you to be happy. Be sure to take the time to figure out what makes you happy. Pay attention to which classes you love in school and try out different sports and activities to find your favorites, take some time off after college to figure out your next steps, or reflect on your work and whether it brings you happiness. Whatever your age and path in life, strive to fill your life with happiness - it'll make your parents proud.^{[15]
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EXPERT TIP

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

The happier you feel, the better of a family member you'll be. Take time to prioritize yourself and do things that you enjoy. When you do things that revitalize you, you'll be more equipped to make your home a happy place!

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I treat my 12 year old respect?

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Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies.

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Expert Answer

One of the best ways to teach manners is to model manners. Speak respectfully to your children, and when you want them to do something, ask them politely. Also, you should require proper manners. If your child doesn’t ask you politely for something, don’t give it to them. Consider taking them places where they have to use their manners and use that outing as a learning opportunity.

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How do I make my father proud when I always let him down?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

Start by showing him through actions that you're listening to what he has to say as well as what he wants and expects from you.

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Question

How do I make them trust me?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

To start, we cannot make another person feel any certain way, or do a particular task until they are ready to do it for themselves. If it is trust you are wanting to gain from your parents, then start with actions. Actions will always speak louder than words. So show your parents that you're a respectful and responsible person, and do the things you know they like and that make them proud of you.

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Tips

Learn to cope with negative peer pressure. Your parents will be worried about you and fear for your limited options if you start to abuse drugs or alcohol.

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If you are experiencing pressure from a parent that’s making you stressed out, anxious, or depressed, talk to another adult you trust. You can also visit your school guidance counselor.

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Try being a good listener and show them you care about what they have to say!

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