This article was co-authored by Allen Wagner, MFT, MA and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.
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In a relationship, few things are more hurtful than feeling shut out by your partner. If your sweetheart acts emotionally distant or refuses to talk to you, you might feel tempted to plead with them, berate them, or demand that they let their walls down. While these approaches seldom work, the good news is that there are other things you can try. In this article, we’ll talk you through a few ways you can try to get through to your unresponsive loved one.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed marriage and family therapist, Allen Wagner. Check out the full interview here.
Dealing with an Emotionally Unresponsive Partner
- Explain how you feel using “I” language.
- Acknowledge how your behavior might contribute to the issue.
- Be clear about what you want and need from your partner.
- Ask your partner about the best way to help them.
Steps
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you improve communication skills in a relationship?Allen Wagner, MFT, MAAllen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.
Marriage & Family TherapistSet aside time to communicate about the household-related topics, like scheduling things and completing chores. -
QuestionHow can I improve my dinner conversation?Allen Wagner, MFT, MAAllen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.
Marriage & Family TherapistTry playing a game at the table! Companies like Table Topics make topic-related card games that help keep your dinnertime conversations fresh and dynamic.
Tips
Warnings
- In many cases, people act unresponsive in relationships because they are insecure or scared. However, if your partner intentionally shuts you out or gives you the silent treatment as a way to manipulate or punish you, then you may be in an abusive relationship. If you suspect that your partner’s behavior might be abusive, talk to your doctor or a therapist for advice.[18]Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/communication/stonewalling
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/stonewalling-in-couples-when-you-or-your-partner-shuts-down
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/communication/stonewalling
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-help-an-emotionally-unavailable-partner-show-up-and-be-fully-present-dg/
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-help-an-emotionally-unavailable-partner-show-up-and-be-fully-present-dg/
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.denverpost.com/2016/05/26/relationships-how-to-deal-with-an-emotionally-distant-partner/
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/stonewalling-in-couples-when-you-or-your-partner-shuts-down
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/stonewalling-in-couples-when-you-or-your-partner-shuts-down
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2891543/
- ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/11/boyfriend-emotionally-supportive/576040/
- ↑ https://www.uagc.edu/blog/the-psychology-behind-the-5-love-languages
- ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-help-an-emotionally-unavailable-partner-show-up-and-be-fully-present-dg/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5042820/
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/communication/stonewalling
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/communication/stonewalling