How to Get Your Boyfriend to Stop Ignoring You

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 10, 2024 Approved

There are few things more frustrating than when your boyfriend ignores you. Whether it’s through unanswered texts or an in-person cold shoulder, his lack of communication can lead to hurt feelings and relationship issues. Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to figure out why your boyfriend is ignoring you and how you can fix things.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Communication and Relationship Advice

1
Try not to blow up his phone when he's ignoring you. If your boyfriend won’t text you back or answer your calls, it can be tempting to send him a ton of texts or leave a few voicemails. However, this can actually push him away more, and it can make him feel overwhelmed. If your boyfriend isn’t responding to you, try giving him a bit of space until he replies.^{[1]
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- He might be ignoring you because of other problems in his life, and seeing all your messages can overwhelm him even further.
2
Talk to your boyfriend about how being ignored makes you feel. There’s a chance that your boyfriend might not know that he’s ignoring you (or how much it bothers you).^{[2]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Sit him down and tell him that when he takes a long time to text back or doesn’t talk to you in person, it makes you feel sad and anxious.^{[3]
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- Say something like, “When I don’t hear from you, I start to get worried that you’re mad at me or something. It’s tough to deal with, and it puts a damper on my entire day.”
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3
Ask him to make time for you instead of ignoring you for other things. Balancing a relationship with school, work, and responsibilities can be tough. If your boyfriend is ignoring you to deal with other things in his life, ask him to make a little more time for you throughout the week. You could schedule a weekly date night, a nightly phone call, or a day where you hang out, just the two of you.^{[4]
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- Remember that he might need some time for his hobbies, too. Playing video games or hanging out with his friends might seem silly to you, but they’re still important!
- If you’ve noticed that he’s busier lately (with a new school year or a different job), this could be the reason he’s ignoring you.
EXPERT TIP

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

While it may be difficult, remember to also respect your partner's time. Be honest with what you need while also being flexible with your calendar. Being understanding while still making sure you both prioritize the relationship will help you maintain a strong connection.
4
Plan a fun date for just the two of you. Maybe you and your boyfriend just need to reconnect! Make dinner reservations, buy him flowers, and take a walk on the beach at sunset. Spend some time away from other people so you two can catch up and rekindle the flame.^{[5]
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- If you don’t feel like going out, make him breakfast in bed or watch your favorite movie together. Romance doesn’t have to cost a fortune!
- Try turning off your phones until the date is over so you can really focus on each other.
5
Encourage him to bring up anything that’s bothering him. Sometimes, people in relationships go quiet instead of bringing up issues. If your boyfriend has trouble talking about his feelings, try asking him if there’s anything he’d like to talk about (within your relationship or just in general). Listen respectfully and be open to talking about his feelings.^{[6]
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- Say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little distant lately. Is there anything you need to bring up?”
- Keep in mind that some people will start to pull away when they want to end the relationship. It’s not certain, but it is a possibility.
6
Reevaluate your relationship if it doesn’t improve. It’s not fun to be in a relationship with someone who’s ignoring you all the time. If you’ve talked openly and honestly with your boyfriend and he’s still giving you the cold shoulder, it might be time to end things.^{[7]
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- Ending a relationship is tough, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. However, dealing with someone who ignores you all the time is probably not your ideal partner.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

After a Fight

1
Give him time to cool off. If you’ve just gotten in a fight or gone through an emotional turmoil, your boyfriend might be ignoring you to get his feelings under control. Give him some space and let him know that you’re here when he’s ready to talk.^{[8]
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- Some people need time to process their emotions on their own, which could be what your boyfriend is doing.
2
Ask him how he’s feeling. To start the conversation, ask him what’s wrong and listen while he talks.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Really try to understand why he was ignoring you and what the problem was that made him stop communicating.
- Try saying something like, “I could tell you were upset when you stopped replying to my texts. Are you okay?”
- Be sure to listen closely without interrupting so you can get the whole picture.
- Giving your boyfriend the silent treatment in return will only make things worse. It’s important to open up a line of communication so you two can talk it out.
3
Talk about your own feelings. You can go into details about your side of the fight, or you can let him know that you were hurt by his actions when he ignored you.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Ask him to listen to you, too, just like you listened to him earlier.^{[11]
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- Try something like, “I know you were upset, but when I didn’t hear from you, I got worried. It made me feel sad and anxious when you wouldn’t answer the phone or reply to my messages.”
4
Apologize if you feel like you were in the wrong. A lot of times, people will give you the silent treatment when they feel angry or disrespected. If you feel like you have something to say sorry for, give your boyfriend a heartfelt apology (but only if you mean it).^{[12]
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- Say something like, “I’m sorry that I made fun of you in class today, I won’t do it again.”
5
Work through your issues. Getting the cold shoulder is never fun, and it can lead to a breakdown in communication. Try suggesting ways that you two can talk about your problems without using the silent treatment so you have a plan for next time. You could try:
- Giving each other 10 minutes to cool off in a separate room.
- Writing things down on paper, then reading them to each other.
- Checking in with each other once a week to go over any problems in the relationship.

Overcome Dating Challenges with this Expert Series

Dating is hard, but you're not alone. We've put together these expert articles to guide you through some of the most common dating challenges.

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2

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Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I express my hurt feelings to my partner?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Ask to have a conversation when your boyfriend isn't busy. Then, explain how their actions have made you feel. Use "I feel" statements, like "I feel like you're ignoring me" or "I feel like you don't prioritize me."

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Question

What should I do if he’s ignoring me because of he’s stressed because of his problems?

Hannah Madden

Community Answer

Give him some time to figure out his problems on his own. You can also show your support by telling him that you're there if he needs you. Once he's not stressed anymore, he'll probably be open to hanging out with you again.

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Question

What to do if he is online but not contacting you?

Hannah Madden

Community Answer

You could try sending him a message to see if he responds. However, just because he's online doesn't mean he's not busy, so he might not be ignoring you on purpose.

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