How to Seduce Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Jacqueline Hellyer

Last Updated: October 6, 2024 Fact Checked

Do you feel like you're failing at this romance thing? Has your girlfriend seemed really turned off of a physical relationship lately? Maybe you haven't gotten to that stage in your relationship yet but you're not really sure how to start. No matter your situation, there are a couple of things that you can do to improve your chances of success. By setting the scene and doing a little old-fashioned wooing, you can seduce your girlfriend and improve your sexual relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Grabbing Her Attention

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1
Make an impression. You don't want your girlfriend to think that this is just another day. You want to show her that you're breaking from the normal pattern of behavior. This will set you up for more successful romance. A good place to start is by making an impression on her by changing how you present yourself. Turn up the sexy and you'll start seducing her before you know it.^{[1]
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- Dress to kill. Forget the sweatpants or jeans and a t-shirt: you want to show her that tonight is going to be different. Put on a pair of nice slacks and a dress shirt, or a dress. Be sure they match (try a dark purple top with black pants or a navy blue top and brown pants). Get someone to help you make sure your hair looks nice too. If it's a really special date night, you might even want to go to a salon to have it styled. Your girlfriend will think that you stepped right out of a magazine.^{[2]
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- Smell amazing. Girls are very sensitive to smells. A really good smell might not guarantee you success but a bad smell will almost definitely count against you. Use a light body spray or scented deodorant to get yourself smelling good.
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Do something uncharacteristic. Do something outside of the norm for how you usually act around her. This, much like a change in clothing, tells her that things are going to be different tonight. This can help grab her attention and set the stage for romance.
- If you're usually very scripted in how you talk and interact with her, break the script. Instead of sounding all cool and collected, let your softer, hidden side shine through.
- Another example is if you're usually very shy around her. Tonight, take charge in your interactions. She'll be very turned on.
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3
Make use of touch. Touch plays a huge role in romance for many people. If you're too quick to rush into the actual act of sex, your girlfriend can be turned off and feel overwhelmed. Use touch to set the stage, create some sexual tension and start warming her to the idea of romance.^{[3]
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- Touch the back of her neck, caress her shoulders, play with her hair, stroke her collar bone; all of these actions can fundamentally shift how she's thinking in the moment.
4
Make sure that the timing is right. Women tend to have their sex drive tank when they're stressed, sad, tired, or sick feeling in any way. If she's suffering from one of those bad moods, it just might not be possible to get her feeling in the mood and trying will only upset her more.
- Timing is also important if it's her first time having sex or her first time having sex with you. If she's not ready for that step in a relationship, you shouldn't push her. Discuss the subject with her, tell her what you want, and see how she feels. Just make sure that she understands that you'll still have feelings for her, even if she isn't ready yet.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting Her in the Mood

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1
Do something nice for her. Women are often uncomfortable having a close physical relationship with someone that they don't feel cares about them. A good way to show your girlfriend that you're serious in your commitment to her is to do something really, profoundly nice for her. You can certainly start with the usual flowers and chocolates but if you have the chance to do something with a bit more impact on her life, take that chance.
- For example, let's say that she's having a hard time getting to work or school ever since her car broke down. Call up a buddy of yours who works on cars and find a way to trade for the use of their skills. Getting your girl back on the road will take a huge amount of stress off of her.
- Of course, just because you do something nice does not mean she's obligated to have sex with you and you shouldn't use it as a way to pressure her into a more physical situation. Instead, this should be used to show her that you are a good partner, devoted to and honestly invested in her happiness.
2
Make a romantic gesture. A romantic gesture is something nice for her that also declares your romantic interest. This will be very important as it shows that you think of her as more than just a friend. Girls will often worry that you don't find them sexy or attractive if you don't get romantic every now and again, which will turn them off of the idea of a physical relationship. Make a romantic gesture and she'll soften right up.
- One idea is to turn the tables and make something for her for once. You've probably received a handmade scarf or something like that. Now it's her turn. A good go-to option is to make her something using origami. This looks really impressive but isn't that hard as long as you're patient. See our pages on origami for ideas and instructions.
3
Compliment her in the right ways. Another way to set the scene for romance is to compliment her. However, complimenting well doesn't come naturally to everyone. Sometimes we say things that we think are nice and we mean well, but it's easy to be insulting without meaning it. Pay attention to how you compliment and try to compliment her in a good way.^{[4]
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- For example, you want to avoid compliments like "you look really nice today" because it implies that she does not normally look nice. Another one to avoid is "that dress makes you look so thin" because it implies that she normally looks fat.
- While it's better to tailor compliments to the woman in question, a good go-to compliment would be something like "I feel like I could talk to you forever" or "I feel like I can just be myself around you".
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Set the mood.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Who feels like being seduced when they're surrounded by dirty laundry and dishes? Romance is also harder if you're just going straight into it after a totally unromantic part of your day, like a stressful day at school or work. Help your girlfriend switch gears into a more romantic mindset so that she's ready to be seduced.
- You can set a romantic mood by putting together a romantic environment. Clean up, light some incense, and set out some flowers and candles. It doesn't take much work, but it can really impress your partner.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Turning Up the Heat

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Studies have found that many women have a more difficult time feeling physical pleasure when they're too cold. If you want to help ensure your own success, try turning up the heat in your room just a little higher than you'd normally set it.
2
Give her a relaxing massage. Start the serious seduction process by giving her a great massage. If you don't know how, don't worry: we've got your back. Go slow and don't cut it off after just a few minutes. You want to get her feeling nice and relaxed, like a big puddle of butter.
- Use a bottle of lavender or regular baby oil (or an oil based lotion) to give the massage. This will stop you from irritating her skin and will also help your hands glide across her skin in a more soothing and sexy manner.
- Pro Tip: prepare the oil by heating it up in a bowl of warm water just a few minutes before giving her the rub down.
3
Go beyond the basic kiss or make out. You probably know how to kiss. If you don't, you'll need to go back to the basics before you can really seduce her. However, even if you feel like a pro, you might want to consider trying to step up your game.
- Experiment with kissing her stomach and the sides of her rib cage. This is a very sensitive area.
- You can play a game where you kiss every one of her freckles, counting them and going in ever more risque directions as you go.
- Another good spot is just at the corners of her mouth, which will be very sensitive and drive her crazy. She'll want to kiss your mouth but don't let her, instead kissing everywhere else until you make her beg you to kiss her on the lips.
4
Talk dirty and sexy. A lot of people tend to think that they should never talk dirty to a woman or that doing so might be disrespectful. However, there is a time and a place and for dirty talk, this can be a huge turn on.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer
Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.} Once you're in a sexy situation, try telling her exactly what you want to do to her.^{[7]
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Research source} Tell her how you want to make her feel. Say these things in a low, husky voice. Whisper them into her ear. She'll find it irresistible because it's flattering for her to know how much you want her right now.
- Say something like, "You're so hot right now. I just want to tease you until you're begging for me..."
5
Stimulate her erogenous zones. Once you've set the stage for the activity you want, you'll need to start stimulating her body so that she's ready for that kind of interaction. If you go too fast into the really physical stuff, you'll quickly turn her off. Stimulate her erogenous, or sexually sensitive, zones for a little while before going into actual sex.
- Stimulating the back of her neck, her chest, the inside of her thighs, ears and butt all can help get her in the mood. Pick a body part and them pick an action: kissing, licking, sucking, massaging, caressing--even using hot/cold stimulus like an ice cube. There are endless combinations.
- Of course, if the stage has really been set, you can also stimulate more sensitive areas. If she's ready for it and you've established consent, you can rub against her clitoral area with your finger.
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Use just a smidgen of kink. If your relationship has been very vanilla and normal so far, introducing just the slightest hint of kink can really get your partner interested in a physical relationship again. When sex feels old-hat and samey, pretty much everyone gets less interested in it; that's pretty normal. By making sex feel new and exciting again, you can seduce her right back into your arms.
- For example, try blindfolding her and then play a game of slow-strip, kissing her progressively lower and lower down her body and then back up.The mix of sensations will feel amazing and she'll be ready for just about anything.
7
Go slow. Women take longer to warm up, so you'll want to go slow in all of your pre-game activities. The slower and more sensuous you are, the more ready she will be to rip your clothes off. A slow kiss here, a long lick down her neck there, and before you know it she'll be begging for more.
- Your hands should not automatically go down her pants and under her shirt. Give yourself at least 20 minutes of other activities before even trying to take off her clothes.
- Even the act itself will go better a lot of the time if you start off slow.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1556 wikiHow readers what they would consider to be a genuine orgasm, and 57% said involuntary muscle contractions. [Take Poll]

Become a Better Lover with this Expert Series

Ready to become the best lover you can be? We've put together this expert series to help you spice things up in the bedroom and foster romance in your relationship.

1

Become a Better Lover

2

Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

3

Make Love Last

4

11 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Loved and Secure

5

Be a Better Boyfriend

6

How to Become a More Romantic Man

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Tips

Make sure to always smell nice.

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If it's a bad time, like during a fight, don't count on the seduction working.

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Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Make sure to never invade her comfort zone too far. She will feel really pressured to do what you want her to do, which will only backfire. If she isn't comfortable, stop.
Kiss her on the neck! It's a really sensitive area and it will make her go crazy.
Don't try seducing your girlfriend for the first time when she's intoxicated.

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