How to Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

Co-authored by Marissa Floro, PhD

Last Updated: December 1, 2024 References

There are many ways to spice things up in the bedroom. Changing the decor, exploring fantasies, or even something as small as buying new lingerie (or underwear, if you're a guy) will go a long way to keeping your love life exciting.^{[1]
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Research source} In some cases, spicing things up may include working through underlying relationship issues with your partner.

Method 1

Method 1 of 6:

Setting the Stage

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1
Make your bedroom into an oasis. Spend some time and money on transforming your bedroom into an escape from the outside world. Making your bedroom feel like a hotel room can help you escape your everyday life and move into a more satisfying love life.
- Put noise-cancelling curtains on your windows and soft, luxurious blankets on your bed.
- If you have any pets, be sure that they are out of the room during your intimate encounters. It can really kill the mood if your dog jumps up on the bed and decides that it wants kisses, too.
On average, people with silk sheets have more intimate encounters per week than those with duvets.
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Add some purple to your bedroom. Studies have shown that people who have purple bedding or furniture in their bedroom have more intimate encounters each week than those who do not.
- Other colors that did well in the study were red, sky blue, pink, and black.
- Colors to avoid include grey, green, and beige.
Pillows can be used in a number of ways to enhance intimate positions.^{[2]
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5
Turn up the heat (literally). Couples are more likely to get intimate in a warm bedroom, where being scantily clad (or naked) feels comfortable. That said, a bedroom that’s too hot makes it difficult for both parties to perform.
- Aim for a temperature between 68 and 70 degrees Fahrenheit, depending on your tastes.
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Keep your bedding clean. Sheets that smell like sweat (and lord knows what else) are less sexy than clean-smelling sheets. Be sure to keep your sheets clean and smelling nice by washing them regularly.
- You might also want to spray your sheets with a linen spray to keep them smelling good. If you do this, make sure you don’t go overboard — an overpowering scent will be off-putting.
Keep your room clean. Ensure that dirty laundry is in a hamper and that there are no other reminders of your household chores within eyesight when you’re getting intimate. Seeing reminders of your chores can be distracting and stress-inducing.
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Keep intimate items in a special box. Condoms, toys, props, lubricant — put anything that you are likely to use during intimate encounters into a box or drawer that is meant only for those things.
- That way, when you’re making out, you don’t end up digging around or searching for things when you need them.
9
Make a sexy playlist. Music and physical intimacy go well together — as one expert says, the two tap into a primitive part of our brains.
- Recommended tunes are ones with a sexy beat that evokes a wave-like feeling, but really anything that gets you going is fine!
10
Light candles. Candles do more than set the mood: their flattering light will boost your physical appearance. Avoid choosing candles that are too heavily scented, as these can be off-putting.
- To be safe, stick to unscented candles.
- If you really want to use scented candles, try one of these scents: pumpkin pie, licorice, lavender, cinnamon buns, or cucumber. Avoid cherry, cranberry, chocolate, and smokey scents.
11
Disconnect. Instead of turning your attention to the TV, smart phone or tablet when you retire for the evening, make an effort to be together in bed — to cuddle and unwind together. Doing this will make intimate encounters more likely.^{[4]
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- Resist the urge to check your phone while being intimate with someone. A study showed that 1 in 10 people do this. If you’re one of those people, remove the temptation by leaving your phone on silent in the other room.

Method 2

Method 2 of 6:

Changing How You Do It

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1
Get intimate against a wall. This is particularly sexy if you do it the moment your partner walks in the door — you can kiss them then push them against the wall and continue to make out with them. It will make them feel like you just had to have them.^{[5]
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- Just don’t be offended if they have to pull away momentarily to pee or remove any heavy bags, jackets etc.!
- Standing upright will also make intimate oral acts feel more intense as the blood rushes downward.^{[6]
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- Be sure that your partner trusts you before trying this one. If your partner has previously been attacked or assaulted, you should speak to your partner before trying this, as it could trigger painful memories.
2
Go super slow.^{[7]
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Research source} Make an effort to really slow down and enjoy one another, no matter how turned on you are. Take time to kiss and touch, and don’t just jump right into the heavier stuff.
- When you do move on to the heavier stuff, keep going slowly!
- Experts say that going slowly can even help resolve sexual problems and boost confidence.^{[8]
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3
Be more vocal. Try talking dirty or, at the very least, moaning and sighing while you and your partner are intimate. Voicing your appreciation will likely turn your partner on.
- It might make you both laugh, too, but after you get used to it, it can be pretty sexy!
4
Have a spontaneous quickie.^{[9]
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Research source} Having a quickie (very short but passionate sex) is a great way to add some passion and excitement to your relationship. You can have a quickie anywhere — the idea is that your passion for each other simply can’t wait.
- Just make sure that you have enough time (i.e. won’t be late for anything important) and that you're in a safe place where you won’t get caught.
5
Make a dirty movie.^{[10]
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Research source} Lower the lights and film yourselves getting intimate. This is a fun and relatively safe way to feel like you’re being naughty. Just make sure you don’t accidentally post the video online!
- If you’re nervous that you might post the video online, turn off the Wi-Fi and data on the device you use to film yourselves. Afterwards, permanently delete the video, or save it to a USB stick and delete it from the device.
6
Use props and toys. Props such as handcuffs, feathers, scarves, and other intimate toys can help spice up your romantic sessions.^{[11]
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- A feather run lightly over erogenous zones can be a real turn-on.
- A blindfold can help enhance the senses.
7
Pay attention to neglected areas of your partner’s body.^{[12]
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Research source} When getting intimate don’t just go straight for the most obvious areas of your partner’s body. Kiss their neck, their chest, their stomach, legs — really savour their body.
- You might consider drizzling honey, chocolate, or some other sweet-tasting sauce on each other’s skin and then licking it off.

Method 3

Method 3 of 6:

Playing Games

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Most sex shops sell sets of dice with sexy commands printed on them — for example, one dice roll might return “Kiss” and “Neck”. These are a fun way to explore different areas of each other’s bodies.
2
Compete to have your fantasy acted out.^{[13]
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Research source} Begin with you and your partner each writing a key fantasy on a piece of paper. Next, play a competitive game (e.g., poker, Go Fish, Monopoly, or even a video game). The winner of the game gets his/her fantasy acted out.
- Be realistic with your fantasy. Make sure that it won’t hurt the other person’s feelings or be too expensive to achieve.
- Choose your game wisely. A game like Monopoly may take hours to finish, which is fine as long as you’re not planning to act out the fantasy directly afterwards, as you might both be tired by then!
3
Have a sexy scavenger hunt.^{[14]
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Research source} Leave messages containing codes and riddles for your partner to find. These should lead him/her to a sexy location where you’re waiting.
- Just make sure that your clues/riddles aren’t too difficult to decipher, otherwise you’ll be waiting a long time, and your partner might show up feeling frustrated and tired instead of aroused!

Method 4

Method 4 of 6:

Dressing Up

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1
Casually wear sexy outfits. Do laundry, brush your teeth, make the bed etc. in sexy underwear or lingerie. Let your partner see you doing these things. Chances are he/she will enjoy the show and become aroused.^{[15]
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- Doing this when you’re by yourself might help put you in the mood, too, as you’ll anticipate your partner coming home and being turned on by you.
- If you already regularly wander around the house half-naked, you might need to amp it up a bit — for example, by purchasing new/extra sexy underwear/lingerie.
2
Wear costumes. If your partner has a sense of humour or is into role-playing, you could pretend to be a sexy maid or butler when they come home.
- Discuss your desire to role-play with your partner ahead of time. Neither you nor your partner should feel pressured to try things you’re uncomfortable with.
- Reader Poll: We asked 594 wikiHow readers and 59% agreed that making sure both partners are comfortable is the most important part of role-play and other fantasies. [Take Poll]
3
Wear heels. If you’re a woman, wearing heels while being intimate with your partner can give you an extra boost and make your legs look extra long and sexy.^{[16]
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- Just be careful about where your feet go — you don’t want to poke out any eyes!

Method 5

Method 5 of 6:

Building Anticipation

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1
Send flirty texts to your partner.^{[17]
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Research source} Tailor your words to the situation and to your partner’s tastes: if your partner isn’t into dirty talk, make your text flirty; if your partner is into dirty talk, you can make your text more explicit.
- Example: “I can't stop thinking about last night. ;)”
- Example: “Mmm you looked so good leaving the house this morning… I want to do dirty things to you when we get home!”
2
Watch a dirty movie together.^{[18]
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Research source} Watching a dirty movie can be a fun way to get aroused. If you’re feeling skeptical, opt for an erotic parody of a movie that you both like — at the very least, you’ll end up laughing at how bad it is.
- If you feel insecure about yourself, watching a dirty movie may not be a good decision, as you may wind up feeling inferior to the people you see onscreen. This should be a fun experience, not one that leaves you feeling sad!
3
Touch your partner more often. Touching your partner in intimate but not overtly sexual ways can help build a physical intimacy between the two of you.
- As your partner makes coffee/prepares breakfast, walk up behind him/her, wrap your arms around his/her waist or hips, and gently kiss his/her neck.
- While you're out for dinner or drinks, casually caress your partner’s leg, moving your hand up as high as possible without it being creepy. This should give him/her a hint that you’re thinking about getting intimate.^{[19]
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- Exchanging massages is another great way to build arousal from touch.^{[20]
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4
Do a striptease. This is more commonly done by women for their partners, but men can do it too. Find a song that gets you in the mood, create a strip routine that goes with it, set the mood (candles, curtains etc.), and perform for your partner.
- The striptease can be as simple or complicated as you want. The key is to be yourself and do something that makes you feel good.
- If you’re funny and like to make your partner laugh, incorporate that into the routine; if you’re more of a slow and sultry type, do a slow and sultry routine.
- If you can’t dance, practise taking off your clothes in a sexy way without having to do much dancing.

Method 6

Method 6 of 6:

Bonding with Your Partner

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1
Work on resolving any issues you may have. A dull love life doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner are having problems, but relationship problems can cause bedroom problems.
- If you think that your dull love life might be reflecting problems in the relationship, you need to talk to your partner about your concerns.
- You might find it useful to sit down and write your thoughts into a journal. This will help you clarify what you want to say when you talk to your partner.
- If either of you struggle with sexual shame, emotional distance or insecurity, it may be difficult to become aroused. Talking about these things can boost your intimacy.^{[21]
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2
Spend quality time together. Have a regular date night at least once a month and/or a short cuddle session a couple of times a week. Schedule these in and stick to them.
- Doing things like this will show your partner that you value the relationship, and will help you two feel closer to one another.^{[22]
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- The stronger emotional connection that results from this will lead to a stronger physical connection, too.^{[23]
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3
Do new things together. Doing new things together is a great way to get out of that slump and bond with your partner. Experiencing something new together builds memories and helps the two of you feel like a team.^{[24]
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- The excitement of trying something new can translate to excitement in the bedroom.
4
Cook together. Cooking together is a nice way to bond with your partner. You might even try different recipes that contain aphrodisiacs.
- Popular aphrodisiacs include oysters, salmon, pine nuts, and foods containing capsaicin.^{[25]
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Exercise together. Most people have heard of the post-exercise high. It happens because exercise stimulates the production of dopamine, the hormone that makes you feel good and boosts your sex drive. ^{[26]
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- Even if you don’t have a post-workout makeout session, working out together will boost intimacy and build confidence.
- If exercise isn’t your thing, explore other things that you can regularly do together — for example, cooking, fishing, playing music, or any other hobby that you may both enjoy.^{[27]
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Laugh together. Watch a standup comedy special or a funny sitcom or movie. Studies have shown that laughing gets your cardiovascular system working, resulting in better performance in bed. ^{[28]
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- Laughing together can also help you have fun despite any life stress you may be dealing with at the moment. It’s important to make time to have fun in each other’s company, no matter how stressful life may be.
7
Make your partner feel desired. For both men and women, feeling desired is hugely important to arousal and comfort in the bedroom. There are many ways to make your partner feel desired. Some of these include compliments, physical touch, and flirtatious texts.
- Doing nice things for your partner beyond the bedroom can help make them feel desired. Even just telling them to relax while you do the dishes, or bringing them home a special treat should have a positive effect.^{[29]
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8
Go to a sex shop together. Agree that the two of you will buy one thing from the shop, whether it’s a pair of sexy dice, an erotic novel, lubricant, or something more adventurous.
- Have fun while you’re there — some of things you see will be outright hilarious, and it’s okay to laugh. Just try not to laugh too hard, lest you scare or offend some of the other customers.
9
Commit to a month of daily intimacy.^{[30]
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Research source} Tell your partner that you’d like to spice things up a bit by being intimate every day this month. It may feel too rigid to make plans like that, but it will also build anticipation.
- If he/she agrees, you might even sit down and make a calendar of the things you will do each day. It doesn’t have to be overly specific — for example, one day you could “have a quickie” or “use a toy”.

How Do You Spice Up Your Marriage?

Become a Better Lover with this Expert Series

Ready to become the best lover you can be? We've put together this expert series to help you spice things up in the bedroom and foster romance in your relationship.

1

Become a Better Lover

2

Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

3

Make Love Last

4

11 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Loved and Secure

5

Be a Better Boyfriend

6

How to Become a More Romantic Man

Expert Q&A

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Question

Is it okay to mix things up if things are a little stale?

Marissa Floro, PhD
Counseling Psychologist
Dr. Marissa Floro, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and Instructor at Stanford University’s Weiland Health Initiative and adjunct faculty at the University of San Francisco. Dr. Floro received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University Chicago, focusing on the intersections of race, attraction, and gender. Dr. Floro’s continued clinical, teaching, and advocacy work focuses on sexual and gender diversity, racial identity and belonging, and liberation from oppressive systems and structures.

Marissa Floro, PhD

Counseling Psychologist

Expert Answer

I encourage everyone to explore themselves in the bedroom. There's nothing wrong with trying new things with your partner, so feel free to mix things up!

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Question

How can I relax in the bedroom if I feel uptight?

Marissa Floro, PhD
Counseling Psychologist
Dr. Marissa Floro, Ph.D. is a Psychologist and Instructor at Stanford University’s Weiland Health Initiative and adjunct faculty at the University of San Francisco. Dr. Floro received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University Chicago, focusing on the intersections of race, attraction, and gender. Dr. Floro’s continued clinical, teaching, and advocacy work focuses on sexual and gender diversity, racial identity and belonging, and liberation from oppressive systems and structures.

Marissa Floro, PhD

Counseling Psychologist

Expert Answer

Don't focus on the orgasm! Just enjoy yourself. Focus on the good feelings you're having and the good feelings that your partner is experiencing. If you put all of the emphasis on the destination and not the goal, you're just going to put pressure on yourself.

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Build confidence in yourself by learning a new skill, attending a new class etc. Take time to do things by yourself that help you feel like you’re growing. Taking time to improve yourself will help you feel valuable and confident, and may lead to more intimate sessions with your partner.^{[31]
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It’s important to keep a positive attitude as you and your partner work on spicing things up in the bedroom. Some things won’t work, and some things will. The key is to not get discouraged and to keep trying!^{[32]
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If you are not having sex yet, you can still do most of the things contained in this article in order to spice things up in the bedroom.

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