Who Is ESFJ Most Compatible With?

Download Article

Learn about the personality traits and love styles of ESFJs

Co-authored by Sophie Burkholder, BA Reviewed by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: October 30, 2024 Fact Checked

Download Article

• ESFJ Compatibility
|
• ESFJs in Romantic Relationships
|
• ESFJ Personality Traits
|
• ESFJ Friendships, Parenting & Careers

|Show more |Show less

ESFJs are defined by the attention and generosity they freely give to others. After all, they are known as the ‘Caregiver’ or ‘Consul.' But ESFJs want to feel that same care returned to them by a supportive and empathetic partner. So what kind of personalities can do that? To answer that question, we've assembled a complete guide to ESFJ compatibility, behaviors, and personality traits.

ESFJ Romantic Compatibility

ESFJs are highly compatible with ESFPs, ISFJs, ISTPs, and ENFJs. ESFJs are also somewhat compatible with ISTJs, INFJs, ESTJs, ESTPs, ENFPs, and other ESFJs. However, they have low compatibility with unemotional and spontaneous ENTPs, INTJs, ENTJs, INFPs, and INTPs.

Steps

Section 1 of 4:

Who are ESFJs compatible with?

Download Article

1. 1
   An ESFJ’s best matches are ESFPs, ISFJs, ISFPs, ISTPs, and ENFJs. These personalities have similar outlooks and values to an ESFJ. Although they may still have conflicts, they communicate easily due to a mutual understanding of how each other thinks.

   • ISFPs (Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving) are highly compatible with ESFJs because they balance their emotional openness with self-sufficiency and practicality.
     
     
   • ISTPs (Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving) are a top match for ESFJs because their grounded perspective pairs well with the ESFJ’s overly generous nature.
     
     
   • ESFPs (Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving) are very similar to ESFJs. Both personalities are friendly and enjoy stability, but the ESFP prefers going with the flow more than the ESFJ.
     
     
   • ISFJs (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging) match the kindness and generosity of ESFJs, although they like to spend more time alone.
     
     
   • ENFJs (Extraverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) appreciate emotional openness, stability, and socializing the same way ESFJs do.
2. 2
   ESFJs may be compatible with ISTJs, INFJs, ESTJs, ESTPs, ENFPs, and other ESFJs. Some of these personalities, like the INFJ, may be too similar – causing codependency or communication breakdowns. Others, like the ESTP, have similar traits but core values that clash with the ESFJ, like a more analytical or flexible approach to life.

   • ISTJs (Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging) can build dependable relationships with ESFJs, but they need more alone time than ESFJs may understand.
     
     
   • INFJs (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) have the same tendency as ESFJs to over-give and neglect their own needs, which can cause problems in their relationship.
     
     
   • ESTJs (Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging) share a love of stability and order with ESFJs. The emotional ESFJ may help balance out the more logical ESTJ. Still, conflict may happen if the ESTJ can’t fulfill the ESFJ’s emotional needs.
     
     
   • ESTPs (Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving) share the traditional values of the ESFJ, but their extremely practical approach to life may clash with the emotional and feeling ESFJ.
     
     
   • ENFPs (Extraverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving) are extremely social and prone to emotional sensitivity, like the ESFJ. While these two personalities mutually understand each other well, the ENFP’s preference for flexibility over organization may clash with the ESFJ.
     
     
   • ESFJs may be compatible since they understand each other’s need for socializing, emotional validation, and structure. While they share the same rigid values, they may struggle to step outside the comfort zone of their relationship and listen to others’ perspectives.
   Advertisement
3. 3
   ESFJs have low compatibility with ENTPs, INTJs, ENTJs, INFPs, and INTPs. These personalities have very different values and perspectives than the ESFJ. However, personalities that seem incompatible can still succeed with time, effort, and healthy communication.

   • ENTPs (Extraverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving) prioritize creativity and spontaneity, clashing with an ESFJ’s love of routine and structure.
     
     
   • INTJs (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging) enjoy logic and problem-solving. While they appreciate clarity and structure, they don’t relate to the emotional ESFJ.
     
     
   • ENTJs (Extraverted Intuitive Thinking Judging) tend to overlook emotions, so they may not fulfill the needs of or communicate well with ESFJs.
     
     
   • INFPs (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving) are deeply emotional like ESFJs, but dislike socializing as much as the extraverted ESFJ.
     
     
   • INTPs (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving) struggle to connect with the ESFJ because they are overwhelmed by their emotional expression and don’t understand their desire for socialization and connection.
Advertisement

Section 2 of 4:

What are ESFJs like in romantic relationships?

Download Article

1. 1
   ESFJs are generous and nurturing in romantic relationships. They are extremely loyal and always put their partners' needs first. An ESFJ will put everything they have into being the best partner possible.
2. 2
   An ESFJ’s love languages are verbal affirmation and acts of service. They love to make others feel good with encouraging words or meaningful gestures. When receiving love, ESFJs appreciate quality time with their partner and having a safe space to express their emotions.
3. 3
   ESFJs look for commitment and structure in a relationship. They enjoy stability and deep connection in their home life. An ESFJ typically dates for marriage rather than enjoying casual or short-term relationships. ESFJs like to have clear roles, traditions, and guidelines in a relationship.
4. 4
   ESFJs need emotional support in their romantic relationships. ESFJs feel very deeply and are very thoughtful about the needs of others. They need this thoughtfulness and emotional validation returned by partners who understand, appreciate, and encourage them.

   • An ESFJ’s high emotional needs may cause conflict in their relationships if their partner can’t fulfill them, or their partner doesn’t reciprocate the ESFJ’s thoughtfulness.
   • ESFJs are also very hard on themselves, so any criticism or rejection from their partner can cause a lot of damage.
5. 5
   ESFJs are intuitive and empathetic communicators. They are friendly, outspoken, and get along with practically everyone. They are skilled at anticipating the needs of others and enjoy offering practical advice. When in conflict, ESFJs are deeply emotional but will work hard to understand to resolve the conflict.
6. 6
   ESFJs may struggle with the boundaries and perspectives of others. They deeply involve themselves in their partner’s feelings, which may cause an overstep. Although they are very attuned to others, their rigid value systems can challenge their understanding of differing perspectives.
7. 7
   ESFJs often feel blindsided by breakups. Because ESFJs commit so strongly to relationships, they usually don’t initiate breakups. An ESFJ may prefer to work on a relationship rather than walking away quickly. Communicating with future partners about expectations around commitment can be useful for ESFJs.
8. 8
   ESFJs aren’t shy about asking people out. Their outspoken and direct personalities make it easy for them to initiate romantic relationships. Once the date is agreed upon, they enjoy activities like volunteering, cooking, or going to a sports or music event with a potential partner.
9. 9
   As sexual partners, ESFJs are very sensual and affectionate. They love to make their partners happy and give them pleasure. In the beginning sexual stages, ESFJs prefer traditional gender roles and activities. Once comfortable, however, ESFJs are willing to try new things if that’s what their partner wants.
Advertisement

Section 3 of 4:

What does it mean to be an ESFJ?

Download Article

1. 1
   ESFJ personalities are defined by extraverted, sensing, feeling, and judging traits. An ESFJ is one of 16 Myers-Brigg Type Indicator (MBTI) personalities. According to the indicator, determining your MBTI personality may deepen your understanding of yourself, your relationships, and how you interact with the world.
2. 2
   ESFJs are extremely warm, giving, and loyal people. They are very likable but need reassurance from others. They notice what others need and put in significant effort to provide it. They care about the feelings and emotions of others, but often neglect their own needs. They are so loyal that they can struggle to see difficult truths about the people they care for.
3. 3
   ESFJs have strictly defined value systems. They have exact ideas about how things should be and will freely share those ideas with others. However, this strong moral code is shaped by the communities they live in rather than internal beliefs.
4. 4
   ESFJs enjoy harmony and structured collaboration. They thrive in environments with stability and routine, but they will work to establish structures if they don’t already exist. They like cooperating with others but become frustrated if tasks aren’t completed accurately or on time.
5. 5
   ESFJs may come off as controlling. They have a strong need for structure and organization. They are unlikely to enjoy abstract thinking, theory, or logic-based activities. Their appreciation of structure and tradition can mean they try to control others, although without ill intentions.
Advertisement

Section 4 of 4:

ESFJ Friendships, Parenting & Careers

Download Article

1. 1
   ESFJs make supportive, loyal, and sociable friends. ESFJs are highly empathetic and will support and stand by their loved ones no matter what. They get along with others easily and enjoy having a large circle of friends.

   • While they happily put a lot of effort into friendships, they become insecure if those efforts aren’t appreciated or reciprocated.
   • ESFJs are willing to work hard on their friendships and make sure their friends are happy, even when they are far apart from each other or facing a conflict.
2. 2
   ESFJ parents prioritize providing safe homes for their children. They are very loving parents, but may be overprotective. They teach their children to have high moral values and work ethics. ESFJs are good at establishing rules without being too strict, but can be critical of children who don’t meet their expectations.
3. 3
   In the workplace, ESFJs enjoy working in motivated teams. They value collaboration and human interaction, but may become frustrated if colleagues don’t match their efforts. ESFJs highly respect professional hierarchies and authority figures.
4. 4
   ESFJs are drawn toward careers that allow them to be caregivers. As naturally thoughtful, conscientious, and generous people, ESFJs enjoy work that allows them to help and care for others. Common ESFJ careers include social services, healthcare, education, or religious work. They may also succeed in administrative roles that use their organizational skills.
Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Advertisement

Tips

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!