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Falling in love is one of the most beautiful and scary things you can experience. Showing love to someone who loves you can feel like a challenge at first, but there are techniques you can use to open up your heart.

Here are 10 tips to help you open up and love someone who loves you back.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

1

Name the things you two have in common.

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  1. Sit down and think about all the things you two have in common: it could be little things, like both liking ice cream, or big things, like how you both want to move abroad someday. The more things you two have in common, the more likely you are to work out.[1]
    • The myth that opposites attract is rarely ever true—couples with too many differences tend to get into fights more often.
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3

Tell them what you like about them.

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4

Open up to them.

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  1. Don’t close off because you’re scared of being hurt—instead, let them get to know you on a deeper level.[5] You don’t have to do this all at once, but keep an open mind about it.[6]
    • For instance, maybe your dream is to go to culinary school and become a professional chef. You can share this with the person who loves you, and they’ll probably support your dreams and tell you to go for it.
    • Or, maybe you can open up about how you’re afraid of dying alone someday. The person who loves you might be able to relate, and it could spark a deep discussion between the two of you.
8

Maintain your own identity.

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  1. Be sure you’re making time to do hobbies and hang out with friends like you normally would.[10] If you can hang onto who you are, you’re more likely to fall in love in a healthy way rather than becoming infatuated with someone.[11]
    • Your partner should maintain their own sense of self, too. If they become so dedicated to you that they don’t do anything else, it might not be the healthiest of relationships.
9

Don’t resist their love.

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  1. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you might be resistant to someone’s efforts. If you can, really try to fight that feeling off and open yourself up to being loved.[12] It’s better to try it out than to wonder what could have happened.
    • Try not to pull away from the person who loves you, and avoid the urge to ghost them or suddenly stop replying to them. If they ask you out on a date, accept it! If they open up to you, try to return the favor!
    • If you’re really struggling with your feelings, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional.
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10

Let them know if you don’t love them.

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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Why is it so hard for me to accept that someone loves me?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    You're likely following a long-term pattern from your past. For instance, you might be scared to get hurt or vulnerable, or had poor relationships modeled to you as a child.
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  1. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201804/how-fall-back-in-love-your-partner
  3. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  4. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
  5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201804/how-fall-back-in-love-your-partner
  6. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.

About This Article

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Co-authored by:
Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. This article has been viewed 33,533 times.
10 votes - 80%
Co-authors: 9
Updated: November 11, 2023
Views: 33,533
Categories: Falling in Love

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 33,533 times.

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