How to Find Out if a Person You're Interested in is Already Taken

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: August 2, 2024

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You meet someone, and you're interested in them. But how do you know if the person is already in a relationship? When you become interested in someone, one of the most important things to do is find out if they are already taken, or already dating someone else. Fortunately, there are a number of strategies you can try.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Reading the Signs

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Check online. Check out their Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Myspace, or any other social networking site they may have. If you're not sure if they have one, search by name, ZIP code, school, or other identifying information you know. Check if their relationship status is "in a relationship."^{[1]
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- Be aware that their profile may be private and you might have to request that they add you in order to view it. This would mean potentially outing your interest.
- In addition to checking their profile, scan through their recent photos. Are there any photos of a couple or any hints that they may be seeing someone?
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Use people search engines. The Internet has several search engines, like Pipl, dedicated to finding information about a given person. Make sure to cross-reference any information you find with other sources because results may not always be accurate.^{[2]
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- Learning about others online can be useful when you have a legitimate reason to know, but make sure you don't fall into the dangerous world of online stalking.^{[3]
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Ask your friends. Your friends may be able to find out and are not as likely to blab to your love interest or others. Try asking them, "Hey, do you know if such and such is in a relationship?"
- If you and your love interest have friends in common, you may want to try asking them. However, note that if you do this, these friends might report back to the person that you've asked if they have a significant other. Thus, your guise of secrecy would be over. Asking friends that you both share could also be embarrassing or lead to uncomfortable situations. Think carefully about whether the risks are worth it.
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Consider rumors. Although rumors aren't the best source, they can be useful in finding out some basic information about people.
- As with online information, cross-reference rumors. Is it just one person relaying the rumor or is it widespread? Be cautious about believing anything right away and without confirmation.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Talking to Him/Her

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See if they ever mention anyone. Engage your interest in casual conversations, which can sometimes lead into talking about whether or not they're with someone. They may even drop a name!
- Ask the person what they've been up to recently. Try to draw out answers that will make them say "I did this with my girlfriend." Asking about their weekend is a good bet.
- A definite hint is if they refer to a "we" when talking about past or future plans and events.
- You might also look for non-verbal signals that someone is already taken. Are they constantly on their phone, texting and smiling? Are they always busy or running off to meeting other people?
- Talking to the person could also be useful for you, too. You'll get to know them a little better. You can figure out whether or not you really like them and want to pursue them further.
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Ask and insinuate indirectly. If your love interest says something funny, ask "what does your girlfriend/boyfriend think about that?" or "I bet your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't laugh at those jokes." Or, if you're discussing something the person likes to do or somewhere they like to go, ask "Do you and girlfriend/boyfriend go there a lot?"^{[4]
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- You can also try asking "So where's your girlfriend/boyfriend?", especially if you've only met the person recently. If they are dating someone, they will answer the question. If they don't, they might be slightly confused or laugh and say, "Oh, I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend." This gives you the perfect opportunity to flirt by saying, "Well, I just assumed a person as (insert an adjective) as you would already have a girlfriend/boyfriend." This approach allows you to get your game on by complimenting and flirting with the person you like.
- Try acting like you're settling some sort of argument. For example, say, "Do you like when your girlfriend/boyfriend calls you a lot? My friend doesn't think she should call her boyfriend everyday. What's your opinion?" Go on using this tactic until you find out.
- Remember that even if this line of questioning helps you figure out that your love interest is not in a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean that they like you. However, at least you're in the picture at this point!^{[5]
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Spend some time with the person you're interested in. Their partner might suddenly show up.
- You might also be able to figure out whether or not your interest is with someone else based on how they act with YOU. If someone likes you, they will try to spend time with you. That's the clearest indication. If they don't make time to see you, it may mean that he is a) with someone else; b) not interested enough; c) not in a time in their life when they feel ready to pursue a relationship.^{[6]
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Just ask. The easiest solution is to be straight-forward and ask the person you're interested in if they are currently in a relationship. Be careful, as this will almost certainly tell them that you're romantically interested and there is no real way to backtrack from that. Nevertheless, this is quickest and most assured way of getting a definite answer.
- If feeling bold, just go right ahead and ask them out. If you ask, then they should disclose if they're in a relationship. Of course, it's still possible that they may say "yes" to going out with you AND be in a relationship with someone else, but that's another issue entirely!
- If someone tells you that they’re not in a relationship but you suspect that they may be, look for signs like them not inviting you over to their place or being really protective over their phone.
- Reader Poll: We asked 311 wikiHow readers and 67% of them said that they’ll suspect a person of being unfaithful if they’re frequently checking their phone or being secretive about communication. [Take Poll]

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Tips

Keep in mind that often if a relationship is meant to work out, it happens organically. If something is meant to work, the games, the chase, the playing hard to get should fall by the wayside in order to make room for a healthy reciprocation of affection.^{[7]
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If it doesn't work out because the person you're interested in is already with someone else or because of another reason, don't dwell on it. Many people believe that when something doesn't work out with one person, it's because it's meant to work out with someone else in the future.^{[8]
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Trust your instincts. If you feel like the person is avoiding you or just wants to hang out late at night, it's possible they don't want anything serious and just want a more physical relationship due to emotional unavailability. If something feels off, it probably is off.

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