Guys, is the phrase "if he wanted to, he would" really true?
I'm a 19f and I've been talking to this boy in my class for months, I've dropped hints that I like him (like asking what he's doing over the weekend and sayng I'm free, following him on all social media, ect) and he still HARDCORE flirts (liek saying I look beautiful, how don't I have a bf, this class would be torture without me) but won't ask me out, and he goes days without responding to my texts and DMs. my friends say "if he wanted to he would" but is that true? He flirts so much I feel it's impossible that he wouldn't like me back, maybe he's just shy and bad at picking up hints?
View hidden comment
Reader Answers
In my experience, "if he wanted to he would" is too black and white to apply to every situation, humans are complex and every interaction is different. Some guys won't be forward enough to make a concrete move, and some guys are just shy or clueless. Most of the time, you probably won't know what a guy is thinking unless you come out and be direct about it: "Do you want to hang out this weekend?" Based on what you've written here, even if you haven't been extremely direct, it sounds like you have strongly hinted that you would like to develop a relationship outside of class, but he won't reciprocate. I would guess that he likes seeing you in class, and that's all. To me, it sounds like he enjoys flirting when he sees you, but isn't interested in making plans to see you outside of that environment.
View hidden comment
I feel like "if he wanted to he would" only applies if you know that 1. he is aware of what you want and 2. he does not have any other factors impacting his ability to do what you want, like anxiety or a packed schedule. It seems like you don't know this guy super well so I'd say that "if he wanted to he would" doesn't apply here. Don't throw away a potential relationship just because of some internet saying. If he's been flirting with you and you want to pursue something with him, that make it clearer that you want to go out on a date with him. There's nothing wrong with a woman asking a guy out.
View hidden comment
Girl, if he's been flirting with you this much...if he wanted to ask you out, he would've. Don't get hung up on a guy who's just gonna flirt with you without actually following up on it and asking you out. Maybe if you wanna give him more of a chance you can try turning up your flirting a little and dropping more hints, but if he doesn't take it anywhere, that's on him. You want a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go for it.
View hidden comment
I don't agree with "if he wanted to he would" at all. The people who live by that tend to think that men are mind readers. Wer'e not! Just be straightforward with him and see if he feels the same way about you. If he doesn't, that's good! Now you don't have to be worrying about if he likes you back or not and you can move on with your life. If he does, that's also good! Enjoy your date.
View hidden comment
I heard this phrase changed to "if he could, he would" and I think that makes way more sense. Because there are a lot of things that can prevent a guy from being able to do all the things a woman wants or needs, like school or work and other commitments, but also things like their emotional maturity and communication style and past relationships and even childhood trauma. So, in this case, try and see if there's something preventing him from taking that next step with you. Maybe he is super shy or scared. I think the best thing to do is just ask him directly if he's interested. And then, if he continues to be hot and cold or flaky, then maybe he's just not the right guy for you.
View hidden comment
What’s on your mind? Ask anything.
Get advice and feedback from experts and wikiHow readers just like you.
Ask a Question
