What do I actually ask someone about on the first date?
Hi, so I haven't really gone on a ton of dates but the ones that I have gone on have kind of stalled while we're talking. I want to be able to make a really good impression, but I feel like I have nothing interesting to ask or talk about. Are there questions to ask someone to get to know them better that I'm missing out on? What about after all of those? Are there other fun or interesting things I could ask to keep the conversation going without it getting crazy awkward?
I've been on my fair share of first dates, and I've always appreciated when the person I'm with asks me questions that go beyond the "basics." Here are some of my favorite questions that I've been asked that have made me want to go on a second date with them:
• What accomplishment are you most proud of?
• What's your favorite place in your hometown?
• What hidden talent do you have that no one else knows about?
• What's your favorite childhood memory?
• Who do you think would play you if a movie was made about your life?
• What's the most important thing you're looking for in a relationship?
These all go a little bit deeper than surface level, so they feel more personal and like you're actually trying to learn more about them as a person.
• What accomplishment are you most proud of?
• What's your favorite place in your hometown?
• What hidden talent do you have that no one else knows about?
• What's your favorite childhood memory?
• Who do you think would play you if a movie was made about your life?
• What's the most important thing you're looking for in a relationship?
These all go a little bit deeper than surface level, so they feel more personal and like you're actually trying to learn more about them as a person.
I like asking the question "What do you like to cook?" This is an approachable question that can help you learn a lot about a person and open up several other conversation topics. For example, someone may talk about a dish from their culture or another culture, which can lead to discussion about their family or their travel experience or desires. You might learn that they're a person who values routine if they tend to cycle through the same recipes or if they meal prep. Or you might learn that cooking is actually a hobby of theirs, which can be an easy transition into chatting about your own hobbies. This is my favorite first date question!
I don't think you should come to a first date armed with a list of questions in your mind. Instead, I'd encourage you to adopt a sincere interest in getting to know your date. Be a good listener and ask open-ended questions that set your date up to share things with you. If you bring a bunch of questions that you want to ask, the date can end up feeling more like an interview than a conversation.
There are definitely some questions that are probably safer not to ask. Don't go too personal, negative, or far out into the future with your questions. For example, it can be risky to ask your date about their sex life, exes, mental health problems, childhood trauma, finances, or desire to have children. But this isn't a hard and fast rule! You can feel it out.
There are definitely some questions that are probably safer not to ask. Don't go too personal, negative, or far out into the future with your questions. For example, it can be risky to ask your date about their sex life, exes, mental health problems, childhood trauma, finances, or desire to have children. But this isn't a hard and fast rule! You can feel it out.
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