How to Get Close to a Girl

Co-authored by Stefanie Safran

Last Updated: September 6, 2024 Approved

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Getting close to people is sometimes difficult. It is especially difficult when you want to get close to a girl for romantic reasons. As a result, you need to be very careful, move slowly, act naturally, and respect the girl you’re trying to get close to. Don’t force the relationship or hurry it along just because you are anxious about being with that special girl. Take it easy, and above all else, be honest to yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Meeting Her and Making a Good Impression

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1
Pick the right moment. Make sure that you choose a very good and appropriate moment to first approach her. If you pick the right moment, you’ll be able to present yourself in the best light possible. Remember, first impressions are everything. Consider the following:
- Avoid moments when she is busy or distracted.
- Avoid inappropriate moments like during a lecture or exam.
- Try to take advantage of a moment when you’ve naturally come into contact with her, like when both checking out in the lunch line, or in the library.
2
Start off by introducing yourself, if you don’t already know her. Introductions are important, so don’t botch this up. Make sure your introduction is memorable and smooth. Put a little forethought into it. Consider:
- Quickly telling her something interesting about yourself, so that you’re more memorable.
- Asking her simple facts about herself, if you don’t already know.
- Don’t keep her too long, if either of you are in the middle of going somewhere.
- Comment about your surroundings.^{[1]
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3
Maintain positive body language. Body language is extremely important when people make their first impressions of others. You want to do everything you can to come across as an interesting, relaxed, and likeable person.
- Make sure to smile, when appropriate.
- Avoid fidgeting.
- Avoid crossing your arms or other nervous or threatening postures.
- Maintain good posture: stand up straight, don't hunch your shoulders forward, and hold your head up high.^{[2]
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Boasting can be a really big conversation disaster. While it’s both a good thing and very tempting to try to talk yourself up when you initially meet her, this could be dangerous. You don’t want to come across as a braggart, as arrogant, or as overly confident. However, you do want to show yourself in the best light possible.
5
Be a challenge. Avoid sending her the message that you’ll do anything to be with her and you’re essentially a pushover. Try to find the middle ground where she knows you want to be with her, but she knows she’s got to work a little bit too if she wants to be with you. There is no real formula for this, and you’ve got to feel it out as you get to know her.
- Don’t play petty games like “if she doesn’t call me, I won’t call her.”
- Avoid making your schedule completely open to her. After all, you’ve got your own friends and family, and they are important, too.
- Give her time. Don’t return calls immediately (unless appropriate) and don’t expect phone calls back right away. Relax, and let things develop over time.
6
Avoid being overbearing. You don’t want to come across as the person who is obsessed with her and will do anything to be in her life. Give her space when appropriate. Remember, if she likes you and wants to be close to you, she’ll probably do something to send you signals or to reciprocate your interest and feelings.
- Don’t call her every day.
- Don’t ask her out every weekend, unless she suggests that she wants to go out, too.
- Don’t invite yourself to events where she’ll be, and try to work yourself into her social activities.
Humor makes most people more relaxed. Most people also like to be around others who are humorous or funny. Humor might relax you, too, and you might seem less awkward or nervous. But remember, you don't need to be a comedian, just add in humor wherever it seems appropriate. ^{[3]
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Above and beyond all else, act naturally and be true to yourself. You don’t want to make yourself into someone completely different just to get close to the girl that interests you. You want someone who will like – and maybe love – you for who you are. If who you are makes it so she doesn’t want to be close to you, that’s okay. Maintain the friendship, but move on and find another romantic interest. Everything will work out for you in the end.^{[4]
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does She Like Me?

Some girls can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if she likes you just as a friend or if she wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 12

How do her friends treat you?

They told me that she likes me.

They giggle and laugh with her when I walk into the room.

They’ve mentioned her in conversation.

They haven’t done anything out of the ordinary (or I don't know them).

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting to Know Her

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1
Listen to her. Listening is the most important part of forming a relationship with anyone.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} This is because most people enjoy talking about themselves, their problems, and their interests. You’ll do very well by quieting yourself and listening to the girl that you’re interested in dating.
- Be conscious of how much you talk and how much you talk about yourself.^{[6]
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  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
- Ask her questions about herself and what she thinks.^{[7]
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  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
- Pay attention to what she says, and avoid day dreaming.^{[8]
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2
Notice all of her good qualities, both physical and intellectual. People like to be noticed, and they like to think that others think highly of them. Take some time to notice the little things about her or even the small things that you just love about her. This might be the way she smiles, the way she laughs, and more. Figure out what she's good at (it could be sports, academics, her job) and what she takes pride in. This is an important part of moving to the next level, because it will send the signal that you’re interested in more than just friendship.
- Feel free to compliment her.^{[9]
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  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Tell her you love her eyes, or that she has an infectious laugh. Try to avoid focusing on her body, which can be uncomfortable for girls.
- Let her know you've noticed when she is good at something or when she takes pride in something.^{[10]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 321 wikiHow readers how they prefer to let a girl know they think she’s cute, and 65% of them said giving a casual compliment with a light smile. [Take Poll]
3
Learn who she is as an individual. After you've gotten to know her generally, you should invest more time in finding what makes her a unique person. Engage in long discussions. Consider the following:
- Talk to her about her aspirations and what interests her.
- Discuss people who influence both of you.
- Find out what drives her and who and what she cares about the most.
4
Pay attention to her moods and feelings. One of the most important things about growing close to a girl is understanding when and why she feels certain ways sometimes. Pay attention to her.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.} Know what makes her happy, what makes her sad, and why she feels the way she does about things she cares about.
- Is she grumpy in the morning? She may not be a morning person.
- What makes her most happy? Is it spending time with family or friends?
- Does her job or school make her happy or miserable.^{[12]
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5
Understand her sense of humor and pop culture interests. You've already had your chance to be funny and share your humor. Take the time to form an understanding of her interests and sense of humor.
- Talk to her about what she likes watching, what music she likes, and what she thinks is funny.
- Watch TV together, and pay attention to the shows she likes.
- Invite her to a comedy club or a movie and ask her to pick the performer or show.^{[13]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Creating a Bond With Her

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1
Find activities that you both enjoy together. Finding activities that you both enjoy will help you form a deeper relationship and connection. It will help you understand what you both have in common. It will allow you to watch how she interacts with others. It will also help you work together as a team. Consider:
- Letting each of you rotate picking the location/activity of a date.
- Each proposing an idea and then choosing which one suits you as a couple.^{[14]
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  Stefanie Safran
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.}
- Trying a different activity each date to test as many possibilities as you can.^{[15]
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2
Never tell lies to her. Be honest about who you are and what you are like. You don’t want to build a relationship on dishonesty and deception. Such a relationship would just be one that would falter and fade later.
- Don’t lie or embellish your reputation and your achievements.
- Be honest about what you like to do for fun and what interests you.
- Be honest, but don’t be blunt or insulting. If she asks you a question, don’t blurt out whatever you are thinking. Answer her questions truthfully, but tactfully and carefully.^{[16]
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3
Show her that you are always there for her. You need to work to demonstrate that you are more than just a fairweather friend. You’re there for the good times and the bad times. This will signal to her that she is an important part of your life.
- Talk to her and console her when she does poorly on an exam.
- Offer support when there has been a death in the family or a divorce.
- Bring her small gifts when she's sick or down.
- Ask her how she's doing when you see her. If you notice something is bothering her, ask her if she want's to talk about it. But don't push too hard.^{[17]
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4
Share your dreams with each other. Try to spark some conversations in which you can share your dreams with each other. This will be important as it will help you learn more about each other as individuals. As a result, you should be able to grow closer to each other.
- Spend a date, like a picnic, talking about where you both want to be in 5, 10 and 20 years.
- Talk about where you both want to live, ideally.
- Talk about your career and family aspirations.^{[18]
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5
Show affection. Show affection when and if it is appropriate to do so. Showing affection might help draw you closer to each other, and will signal to her that you care about her and want to take your relationship to the next level. If she reciprocates, you'll definitely know that you've been successful. But be careful and consider:
- Showing affection may include hugs, snuggling, kissing, and even thoughtful and loving looks and comments.
- Only show affection if it is appropriate to do so, and if she consents and is enthusiastic.
- If she rebuffs your affection or tells you not to do so, stop immediately. She might not be ready, so give her time and be sure to move at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.^{[19]
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Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I have a great conversation with a girl?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Make eye contact while talking to a girl. Show your interest by asking questions and letting her speak. Avoid talking about yourself too much.

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Question

What should I do to date successfully?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Do not do the same things on every date. Listen to the girl you are with and understand her needs. Then plan your date according to her preferences. Give your suggestions for the time and location for a date and let her make a choice.

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Question

What are the things I can do to make a girl feel more comfortable?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

There are certain things that you can do to make a girl feel more comfortable with you. For example, you can offer her a compliment or go ahead and open the door for her.

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Tips

Try talking to her first and see how she reacts. If she totally ignores you, then she's not interested.

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Remember that listening is the key, most girls like to talk to begin with.

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Look at some related wikiHows to improve your conversation, appearance and confidence.

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